NOGOODFORME.COM: Thrift Scores with Laura Jane: Value Village, 07.18.08

Few things in this operatic escapade we call life are as straight-up awesome as having a killer thrift-shopping experience. It's impossible to predict precisely when a class-A Thrift Score Day is going to hit you; sometimes, all I want is to immerse myself in rack-scouring for hours on end, yet come up entirely empty-handed. On other occasions, I dip into a Sally Ann or Goodwill to kill a couple minutes and exit hours later, exhausted, red-eyed and reeking of mothballs, weighed down by two giant sacks of crap in either hand.

Thrift Scores with Laura Jane is a brand-spanking new feature dedicated to sharing the results of my positive thrift scoring adventures with the world. Yesterday ended up being one of the "Thrift Scorriest" days of my entire life; check the goods!

1. Albert Einstein for Texas Instruments t-shirt: This summer, I am all about rocking oversized t-shirts. I think the silhouette of a giant men's tee with the sleeves rolled up, which subsequently forces a crewneck to take on the shape of a draped vee, is insanely flattering and hella punk rock. This t-shirt is extra-awesome because Albert Einstein is on it. I don't know why Albert Einstein ups this shirt's punk rock quotient by a billion, but he totally does. And if you disagree, we should fight about it. But I'll win, because I'm hella punk rock, as you can surely see by how I'm wearing an oversized Albert Einstein t-shirt.

2. Miami Grampa-style lace-ups: What you can't see from this cruddy photograph is that these shoes have little tiny holes in them. I know there is a formal fashion-y term for when shoes are like that, but I can't think of it. Let's just say "golfball-esque" for the time being. The rad thing about having weirdly large feet is that you can always score hot men's shoes. The not-rad thing about having weirdly large feet is that you can NEVER score hot women's shoes, but whatev. I'll probably wear these with hyper-femme dresses a lot, because that's just how I do, folks.

3. Sunshiney yellow jumpsuit: Well, clearly this is a very awesome purchase. I don't think I need to explain why a yellow jumpsuit is cool; it speaks for itself. Nevertheless, I am sorry to report that I will probably never end up wearing this yellow jumpsuit. Why? Because it's just not worth the inconvenience of having to reach around back and unbutton five buttons, and unbuckle a belt, every single time I have to use the washroom. Sorry, world. It just ain't happenin'.

4. Rainbow Brite tote bag: I am about 90% sure that this tote was originally meant to function as a diaper bag. This is only positive as far as I can see: it's very handy for organization because there are a million inside pockets where you are supposed to store your baby's bottle and rattle and diapers and whatever other crap your baby requires to get by in life. Luckily for me, a baby's bottle is almost the exact same size as a mini-bottle of Asti Spumante, which means that I now get to carry around a bag with an Asti Spumante Pocket, which is really, really great.

5. Navy and yellow striped polo: I think the outfit I'm wearing in this photograph is probably the most successful interpretation of Preppy Handbook-style preppy I've ever pulled off in my life. This outfit isn't even J.Crew on J.Crack; it's just J.Crew! The element of subversion is something that exists inside of me and permeates every outfit I could possibly wear. Oh! It's called: Being Punk Rock. This polo shirt is totally worn down to the perfect level of old t-shirt thin-ness, and is possibly the most comfortable thing I've ever worn in my life.

6. Jamaica tank: Hi, Jamaica tank. Welcome to your new home: Laura Jane's body. I will wear you at least once a week for the next ten years of my life. You will be so loved, and I will constantly wonder how I ever managed to get by without you. At this point, I've only known you for one day, and am already beginning to question how the Helen Keller I spent twenty-three years dealing with the intense futility of my life before you. I love you, Jamaica tank; let's totally John and Yoko out together. I don't want to be apart from you for one more second. NEVER AGAIN.

7. Baby pink LA Gears: In lieu of writing these adorable babies up, I request that you please read back the "Jamaica tank" paragraph, only every time the phrase "Jamaica tank" comes up, sub in the phrase "Baby pink LA Gears," and then you will understand how I feel about these sneaks. Cool.

8. Perfect-fitting black t-shirt: I'm really happy I found this t-shirt, because now I don't have to hang my head in shame as I walk into the Queen Street West American Apparel to pay an absurd amount of dollars for the same-only-worse black t-shirt I bought for ninety-nine cents at Value Village yesterday. A perfect-fitting black t-shirt is like the John Lennon to a perfect-fitting white wifebeater's Paul McCartney. Now I can wear my juice-colored madras short-alls in public without feeling like I should be institutionalized. Score!

9. "The Prom Exploded" purse: It is so rare in my life that I ever like a bag that isn't a tote bag. This one is so weirdly ugly that I just couldn't resist it! My biggest problem with purses is that they're never big enough to hold onto all my crap, but this one is actually rather spacious. I mean, it doesn't have an Asti Spumante pocket or anything, but it can do notebook, novel, cell phone, digicam, discman, two Fiery Furnaces CDs, keys, and pens, which ain't half bad.

10. Stripey day dress: I look sad in this picture because I'm not wearing shorts and a t-shirt, so I don't feel very much like LJ. I don't know, man. My mom thinks I look really pretty in this dress, and I feel like dudes would like it too (stupid dudes- they always want you to wear dresses and never cut yr hair; grow up, Losers). Maybe I'll wear it when I meet Michael Showalter's parents for the first time.

11. Snoopy visits Italy t-shirt: Okay, now we're talking! I just looked up La raddrizzo io la torre di Pisa on Babelfish, which translates directly into "I straighten the Tower of Pisa." My favorite aspect of this tee, besides EVERYTHING ABOUT IT, is how adorable little Woodstock looks at the bottom of the tower! Aww! By the by, this illustration is majorly out of scale. It's nonsense- Snoopy is decidedly NOT ninety feet tall. No beagle ever could be!

COMMENTS!!

The diaper bag BYOB idea is insanely clever and perhaps the most ingeniously punk rock of all said items. And speaking of 4-letter acronyms that begin with B, your BIBF entry is totally on its way.

By S on July 19, 2008 6:00 PM

Nice cowlick, Alfalfa.

By Laura on July 19, 2008 11:34 PM

Nice finds! Don't you feel satisfied with yourself when you get find incredible thrift stuff! And I love your hair, that cowlick shows up in every picture! :)

By Katlin on July 20, 2008 4:10 AM

I'm digging the outfits and "The Porn Exploded" bag. I have such horrible luck with thrift stores, I guess I lack the eye/patience required to find cute things. May be I should go with you.

For the most beautiful Blue Sapphires, Pink Sapphires, White Sapphires, Sapphire Rings (or any other kind of Sapphire Jewelry), check out http://www.TheNaturalSapphireCompany.com

By Marilynn on July 21, 2008 5:56 AM

Laaaaauuuuurrrraaaaa

(I repeated the u along with the other letters so you'd really get the full sound)

I don't want awesome one of a kind pieces that only go with one other thing I have, but is that what I have to start buying to avoid the gap, j crew, banana republic, h&m and everywhere else I'm used to shopping?

WHY DON'T WE HAVE TOPSHOP. why. they have free trade clothes?! I know you probably know that, but I think its pretty cool. and I'd order some stuff, but buying responsible clothes and then putting billions of gallons of jetfuel into the air to get them here seems illogical.

I read no good for me now!!

muah!

By Mrs. Henderson on July 21, 2008 12:39 PM

Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)

Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."

;





	Thursday , July 24, 2008 Thrift Scores with Laura Jane: Value Village, 07.18.08 Few things in this operatic escapade we call life are as straight-up awesome as having a killer thrift-shopping experience. It's impossible to predict precisely when a class-A Thrift Score Day is going to hit you; sometimes, all I want is to immerse myself in rack-scouring for hours on end, yet come up entirely empty-handed. On other occasions, I dip into a Sally Ann or Goodwill to kill a couple minutes and exit hours later, exhausted, red-eyed and reeking of mothballs, weighed down by two giant sacks of crap in either hand. Thrift Scores with Laura Jane is a brand-spanking new feature dedicated to sharing the results of my positive thrift scoring adventures with the world. Yesterday ended up being one of the "Thrift Scorriest" days of my entire life; check the goods! 1. Albert Einstein for Texas Instruments t-shirt: This summer, I am all about rocking oversized t-shirts. I think the silhouette of a giant men's tee with the sleeves rolled up, which subsequently forces a crewneck to take on the shape of a draped vee, is insanely flattering and hella punk rock. This t-shirt is extra-awesome because Albert Einstein is on it. I don't know why Albert Einstein ups this shirt's punk rock quotient by a billion, but he totally does. And if you disagree, we should fight about it. But I'll win, because I'm hella punk rock, as you can surely see by how I'm wearing an oversized Albert Einstein t-shirt. 2. Miami Grampa-style lace-ups: What you can't see from this cruddy photograph is that these shoes have little tiny holes in them. I know there is a formal fashion-y term for when shoes are like that, but I can't think of it. Let's just say "golfball-esque" for the time being. The rad thing about having weirdly large feet is that you can always score hot men's shoes. The not-rad thing about having weirdly large feet is that you can NEVER score hot women's shoes, but whatev. I'll probably wear these with hyper-femme dresses a lot, because that's just how I do, folks. 3. Sunshiney yellow jumpsuit: Well, clearly this is a very awesome purchase. I don't think I need to explain why a yellow jumpsuit is cool; it speaks for itself. Nevertheless, I am sorry to report that I will probably never end up wearing this yellow jumpsuit. Why? Because it's just not worth the inconvenience of having to reach around back and unbutton five buttons, and unbuckle a belt, every single time I have to use the washroom. Sorry, world. It just ain't happenin'. 4. Rainbow Brite tote bag: I am about 90% sure that this tote was originally meant to function as a diaper bag. This is only positive as far as I can see: it's very handy for organization because there are a million inside pockets where you are supposed to store your baby's bottle and rattle and diapers and whatever other crap your baby requires to get by in life. Luckily for me, a baby's bottle is almost the exact same size as a mini-bottle of Asti Spumante, which means that I now get to carry around a bag with an Asti Spumante Pocket, which is really, really great. 5. Navy and yellow striped polo: I think the outfit I'm wearing in this photograph is probably the most successful interpretation of Preppy Handbook-style preppy I've ever pulled off in my life. This outfit isn't even J.Crew on J.Crack; it's just J.Crew! The element of subversion is something that exists inside of me and permeates every outfit I could possibly wear. Oh! It's called: Being Punk Rock. This polo shirt is totally worn down to the perfect level of old t-shirt thin-ness, and is possibly the most comfortable thing I've ever worn in my life. 6. Jamaica tank: Hi, Jamaica tank. Welcome to your new home: Laura Jane's body. I will wear you at least once a week for the next ten years of my life. You will be so loved, and I will constantly wonder how I ever managed to get by without you. At this point, I've only known you for one day, and am already beginning to question how the Helen Keller I spent twenty-three years dealing with the intense futility of my life before you. I love you, Jamaica tank; let's totally John and Yoko out together. I don't want to be apart from you for one more second. NEVER AGAIN. 7. Baby pink LA Gears: In lieu of writing these adorable babies up, I request that you please read back the "Jamaica tank" paragraph, only every time the phrase "Jamaica tank" comes up, sub in the phrase "Baby pink LA Gears," and then you will understand how I feel about these sneaks. Cool. 8. Perfect-fitting black t-shirt: I'm really happy I found this t-shirt, because now I don't have to hang my head in shame as I walk into the Queen Street West American Apparel to pay an absurd amount of dollars for the same-only-worse black t-shirt I bought for ninety-nine cents at Value Village yesterday. A perfect-fitting black t-shirt is like the John Lennon to a perfect-fitting white wifebeater's Paul McCartney. Now I can wear my juice-colored madras short-alls in public without feeling like I should be institutionalized. Score! 9. "The Prom Exploded" purse: It is so rare in my life that I ever like a bag that isn't a tote bag. This one is so weirdly ugly that I just couldn't resist it! My biggest problem with purses is that they're never big enough to hold onto all my crap, but this one is actually rather spacious. I mean, it doesn't have an Asti Spumante pocket or anything, but it can do notebook, novel, cell phone, digicam, discman, two Fiery Furnaces CDs, keys, and pens, which ain't half bad. 10. Stripey day dress: I look sad in this picture because I'm not wearing shorts and a t-shirt, so I don't feel very much like LJ. I don't know, man. My mom thinks I look really pretty in this dress, and I feel like dudes would like it too (stupid dudes- they always want you to wear dresses and never cut yr hair; grow up, Losers). Maybe I'll wear it when I meet Michael Showalter's parents for the first time. 11. Snoopy visits Italy t-shirt: Okay, now we're talking! I just looked up La raddrizzo io la torre di Pisa on Babelfish, which translates directly into "I straighten the Tower of Pisa." My favorite aspect of this tee, besides EVERYTHING ABOUT IT, is how adorable little Woodstock looks at the bottom of the tower! Aww! By the by, this illustration is majorly out of scale. It's nonsense- Snoopy is decidedly NOT ninety feet tall. No beagle ever could be! Tags: Albert Einstein, diaper bags, dresses, J.Crew on J.Crack, preppy, punk rock, rompers, scrappiness, sneakers, Snoopy, Thrift Scores Posted by Laura in Thrift Scores Permalink \| Stumble This! \| Digg This! \| \| Leave a comment \| Comments (5) + Contact Us + HOME COMMENTS!! The diaper bag BYOB idea is insanely clever and perhaps the most ingeniously punk rock of all said items. And speaking of 4-letter acronyms that begin with B, your BIBF entry is totally on its way. By S on July 19, 2008 6:00 PM Nice cowlick, Alfalfa. By Laura on July 19, 2008 11:34 PM Nice finds! Don't you feel satisfied with yourself when you get find incredible thrift stuff! And I love your hair, that cowlick shows up in every picture! :) By Katlin on July 20, 2008 4:10 AM I'm digging the outfits and "The Porn Exploded" bag. I have such horrible luck with thrift stores, I guess I lack the eye/patience required to find cute things. May be I should go with you. For the most beautiful Blue Sapphires, Pink Sapphires, White Sapphires, Sapphire Rings (or any other kind of Sapphire Jewelry), check out http://www.TheNaturalSapphireCompany.com By Marilynn on July 21, 2008 5:56 AM Laaaaauuuuurrrraaaaa (I repeated the u along with the other letters so you'd really get the full sound) I don't want awesome one of a kind pieces that only go with one other thing I have, but is that what I have to start buying to avoid the gap, j crew, banana republic, h&m and everywhere else I'm used to shopping? WHY DON'T WE HAVE TOPSHOP. why. they have free trade clothes?! I know you probably know that, but I think its pretty cool. and I'd order some stuff, but buying responsible clothes and then putting billions of gallons of jetfuel into the air to get them here seems illogical. I read no good for me now!! muah! By Mrs. Henderson on July 21, 2008 12:39 PM Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.) Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..." 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