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Tuesday , December 14, 2010

The nogoodforme.com Why Don't You?

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Along with Chuck Klosterman, Emmanuelle Alt, and possibly Michael Showalter, Diana Vreeland belongs to the elite group of human beings that we would allow to join the nogoodforme.com team if they asked politely. Which is great, because I'm quite sure that if DV were around today, she would drop her editorial position at Vogue like a sack of hot potatoes if the opportunity to join forces with Kat, Liz & Laura Jane came up. I mean, duh.

If Diana (pronounced Dee-Ann, for glamour's sake) Vreeland hadn't moved on to Fashion Heaven in 1989, today would have been her 103rd birthday. And if Diana Vreeland had lived to be 103 years old, boy, would she ever have revolutionized 100+ dressing! I'm thinking peacock-embellished wheelchairs, yellow diamond-studded hearing aids, and prune-tinis. Hot.

We at nogoodforme.com are all about breaking any and every rule of fashion, stomping all the hell over Vuitton Youth culture with the rubber souls of our comfy flats (NOT Jimmy Choos!). Nobody in the history of haute-whatevs broke rules like DV, and so on this day, we are honoring our Patron Saint of Ready-to-wear Rebellion with a scrappified and contemporary update of Vreeland's infamous Harper's Bazaar "Why Don't You?" column.

Some sample "Why Don't You?"s of Diana's include:

+Why don't you... wash your child's hair with champagne?
+Why don't you... wear violet velvet mittens with everything?
+Why don't you... have your cigarettes stamped with a personal insignia?

Why don't I have every cigarette I smoke individually stamped with LJF? Good point, Diana.

And now... WHY (THE HELEN KELLER) DON'T YOU?

+ Why don't you... adopt a dog from a shelter and name it after your favorite Beatles song?

+ Why don't you... wear dramatic false eyelashes to the office and see what your boss says?

+ Why don't you...spike a banana Slurpee with a shot of Malibu and drink it on public transit?

+ Why don't you... never buy an iPhone?

+ Why don't you... read Laura Jane's Magnum Opus and then impulse-buy Matthew Friedberger's Winter Women/Holy Ghost Language School?

+ Why don't you... start saying "What the Helen Keller?" in lieu of "What the Hell?" as frequently as possible, and see if it catches on?

+ Why don't you... take a picture of yourself eating a Tom Yum Pop and send it to us?

+ Why don't you... make yourself an Egyptian-style Art Deco headdress?

+ Why don't you... rollerskate to work tomorrow?

+Why don't you... start doing the New York Times Sunday crossword every Sunday morning?

+Why don't you... belt an oversized men's pyjama top and wear it as a smart day-dress a la Laura Jane?

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(this look even de-scrappifies Laura!)

+Why don't you... ASK US ANYTHING?

+Why don't you... throw the sleepover party your adolescent self would have killed for?

(For instance: only invite friends who fulfill obvious Babysitter's Club archetypes; rent Foxfire; smoke Sobranie Pinks; drink Mudslides with Peppermint Chocolate soymilk; make up super-outlandish Say Anything moments; prank call hot dudes; listen to The Great Escape; nosh on vegan Petit-fours, organic peanut butter crackers, and Teddy Grahams)

+Why don't you... ask me out on a date? (note: this only applies if your name is Michael Showalter)

+Why don't you... comment here with a Why Don't You? of your own?

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Posted by Laura in Why Don't You? | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (5)

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5 Comments!!

"Why don't you... never buy an iPhone?" Helen Keller yes!

my contribution:

Why don't you... call into work, and go to the bar instead?

or if you are a non-drinker, the following substitutions for going to the bar are acceptable: make prank phone calls all day, go to an amusement park, or have a 90s action movie marathon.

Why don't you climb a tree?

Why don't you read Shakespeare plays as though they are trashy romance novels?

By Clara on July 29, 2008 7:59 PM

why don't you, i and the rest of the free world just git along?... =]

why don't you [speaking to Laura Jane] do a piece on the movie SHAG? i do believe it's toadilly right up your ally!


[o=o]rckr

omg, i was thinking about 'shag' and the possibility of a 'shag'-related nogoodforme content JUST YESTERDAY. weeeeeird......

why don't you.... go to the skatepark and make fun of rollerbladers

why don't you.... fart in Bath And Body Works and ask an employee what's that smell... and where can you buy it



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