Sunday , June 13, 2010
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Four
For those unfamiliar with the Ultimate Fashion Challenge: formal UFC rules, guidelines and regulations can be accessed HERE.
(background image taken from The Textile Blog).
Day 22 (08.25.08): Thrifted little boys' green-and-white striped Oxford; Topshop high-waisted widelegs; grey old man lace-ups
This is actually my least favorite "look" of the entire UFC thus far. Py-freaking-jammers are cooler to me than this bullshitter of an outfit! (Editor's note: EERIE PREMONITION, LJ! When I wrote that sentence, I had NO IDEA that I would soon be rocking PJs every day for nearly a week.) Poor, poor dudes! I cannot even believe how constricted and uncomfortable I feel in this menswear garbage. Maybe it's just because I'm used to it, but I would argue that even the tiniest, itchiest minidress on the face of the planet is more ergonomically-STELLAR and livable than this Crappy Crap McCraps.
I guess I'll cross Drag King off my list of fallback careers.
Day 23 (08.26.08): KILL ME PILLS BATIK-CHIC: Zara red-and-white babydoll; sparkly gold bangle; Big Fat Leather Belt
This outfit sort of makes me feel like Courtney Love of yesteryear, which is clearly a terrific feeling. It also makes me feel sort of like Laura Jane Faulds of yesteryear. To give you an idea of how long I've had this dress for, let me just say: it was the first item of clothing I ever bought at Zara. Isn't it weird to remember Life Before Zara? Yes. It's sort of like remembering Life Before the Internet.
The fact that I am wearing this dress today validates the entire point of the Ultimate Fashion Challenge: if it weren't for the UFC, I probably never would have worn this dress again in my entire life, which would have been stupid, since it's pretty alright. By the way, this would be a totally cute date look, which really rubs salt into my "I'll never have a date" wound (I'M LOOKING AT YOU HERE, MICHAEL SHOWALTER).
PS: I got a haircut on Day 23.
Day 24 (08.27.08): Stripey sweater; Mount Saint Vincent University t-shirt; grey leggings
Day 24 and there's so much more! YAY! Neil Young reference! I've been waiting to say that since, like, Day 2! Actually, my entire incentive for doing the UFC at all was so I could make that joke. KIDDING!
These days, I devote a great deal of my time to stressing out about pants. Well, not just pants: also shorts, and skirts. And shirts, too, but mostly just a propos de their relationship to pants (and shorts, and skirts). I really, really, really don't want run out of pants. I want to execute the Ultimate Fashion Challenge perfectly. I don't want to resort to repeats. I have NOT suffered through 24 days of this just to wear the same shit teice. This is not just some ordinary fashion challenge. This is the ULTIMATE Fashion Challenge. It may even be the PENULTIMATE Fashion Challenge, for all the Helter Skelter I know (I just dictionary.commed "penultimate"; it turns out it means "next to ultimate", so it's not the Penultimate Fashion Challenge. It's merely the Ultimate Fashion Challenge after all).
Honestly dudes, I don't know what the Henry Clay Frick (Yo! Clara Louise! That shit is so clever!) is up with my outfit today. Here is what I do know about my outfit:
1. I have had this sweater since high school. It was once featured on an episode of "What Not To Wear". It was what to wear.
2. It was born from an intense fear of screwing over my two-weeks-from-now self in the pants department. I just have to remind myself: the dumber I look today, the cooler I will look on day freaking 50 or whatevy. Don't worry, Future Laura. I got your back.
Day 25 (08.28.08): Firenze t-shirt; black tank top; purple leggings
I might as well just come right out and say it: I have bad style. Why do I write for a fashion blog? I shouldn't. I'm ill-suited to it, since I'm not a fashionable person. They should fire me.
These are the same leggings as yesterday, only purple, and therefore ugly/uglier. Did you know purple & yellow are complimentary colors? I did. That's the concept behind my outfit. This t-shirt used to be cool, once upon a time, but then it became my gym shirt when I went to the gym because I liked to look fly at the gym. Then it got so gross I didn't even want to wear it to the gym anymore. Then it became my "cleaning and/or engaging in intense physical labor" shirt. Then it sat in a drawer for 90 billion years, until it became today, when I posted a picture of myself wearing it to the Internet, for all the world to see. Life sure is full of surprises!
Day 26 (08.29.08): DESIGNER PYJAMAS: Marc Jacobs Chicago t-shirt; Stella McCartney for Adidas gym dance shorts
They should give me a medal. You have to be pretty gosh-darned scrappy to make Marc Jacobs and Stella McCartney look this bad. Speaking of things the proverbial "they" should do, "they" should really get on firing me. It has now been three straight days of eschewing "real clothes" in favor of indulging this all-encompassing Pyjama Jam- do you frequent fashion blogs to look at pictures of scrawny slackers at their personal worst? I highly doubt it.
Oh, whatever. Just call me Dracula, homeboys. Why? Because I'm dead (as in dead-AWESOME) and freakin' LOVIN' IT.
Day 27 (08.30.08): LAURA JANE GOES TO THE FARM: Ugly environment t-shirt; "L" sweater; navy American Apparel running shorts; Adidas Top Tens
On Saturday, August 30th, Laura Jane Faulds went to live on an organic farm, Plan B Organics, for a day and a half of her life. This is what she wore.
My t-shirt, formally known as my "ugly environment t-shirt," quite obviously dates back to the early 1990s, and is covered in environmentalism-related jargon such as "FRAGILE EARTH" and "GREENHOUSE EFFECT" and "INDUSTRIAL POLLUTANTS". Low-concept is better than no-concept! The existence of this sweater marks the attainment of my lifelong goal of becoming as cool as Laverne Di Fazio, but once upon a time I sweated in it, and then kind of ruined it forever, which is why it has been transformed into farmwear.
In case you are wondering what the Helen Keller I am doing in this photograph, the answer is: eating the most delicious organic grapes I've ever eaten in my life.
Day 28, PART 1 (08.31.08; 11 AM-5 PM): THE GROSSEST DAY OF MY LIFE: orangey patterned Old Navy wifebeater; olive green sweatshorts
Do 70 billion bug bites count as accessories?
I have never felt so disgusting in my life as I do right now. The farm ruled, but people at the farm are really dirty. In my first one minute at the farm, I became dirtier than I have ever been, no jokes. It happened when a really, really dirty dog jumped on me. It was nasty. But then I adjusted to it. My friend Eric, who I was visiting, smelled really bad. That was the majorest difference I noticed between pre-farm-life Eric and existing-within-farm-life Eric: the smell of him. I didn't feel that gross when I was at the farm, eating those dankity-dank grapes and kale right out of the ground. Then I left the farm, and wanted to die. I'm burning those clothes, man. They smell like the farm.
Day 28, PART 2 (08.31.08; 5 PM-present): HOMEMADE GRECIAN T-SHIRT DRESS
Do you know why my face and hair are as shiny as if I were made of plastic? Because I am WET and IN THE PROCESS OF MOISTURIZING and CLEAN.
Do you know why I am wearing this dress today?
1. Because there is nothing in the world that makes a girl feel cleaner than a clean white t-shirt.
2. Because tomorrow is Labor Day, and, as we all know, you're not supposed to wear white after it. I will, oh, believe you me, will I ever wear white after Labor Day (for instance, I own this dress), but I thought this was a nice symbolic gesture made in the name of fashion traditionalism. Being at the farm for a night really made me realize what a nasty slave to fashion I am.
"You're SO New York!" they all hollered.
"Go to hell, Archie Bell & the Drells!" I retorted. "Haven't y'all heard of SCRAPPINESS before?"
And they all laughed in my totally shallow face, and I ate some more grapes. Those grapes taste like Asti. I love those grapes. I'm going to go eat some now, as a matter of fact. See you bitches next Sunday!
Tags: avant-wack, Courtney Love, designer pyjamas, Laura Jane Faulds, Laverne Di Fazio, Life Before Zara, Michael Showalter, Neil Young, pants stresses, scrappiness, the farm, Ultimate Fashion Challenge
Share | 
| 
| 
|
|
Posted by Laura in Ultimate Fashion Challenge |
Permalink |
Leave a comment |
Comments (2)
+ Contact Us
+ HOME
2 Comments!!
Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)
Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."
GOOD INFO
By jodi Moore on August 31, 2008 11:03 PM
I Love the Ultimate Fashion Challenge.
That dress is bitchin' and I love your little red jersey. Well done for getting through another week! I 'm looking forward to next weeks post already.
By Cherry on September 1, 2008 8:37 AM