nogoodforme superlatives: Favorite Lame Romantic Comedy That In Fact May Not Be So Lame ---> NOGOODFORME.COM

Tuesday , March 9, 2010

nogoodforme superlatives: Favorite Lame Romantic Comedy That In Fact May Not Be So Lame

The Truth About Cats and Dogs

My knee-jerk reaction to most romantic comedies is to hate them, but sometimes I wonder if rom-coms (as they are so lamely nicknamed) get short shrift because their audience (and makers) are predominantly female. Sure, most of them are bad beyond belief -- but then again, so is your average stupid action movie, and those don't get saddled with such loaded, pejorative nomenclature like "chick flicks" or what have you. Bad action flicks don't get weighed down with this gender representation baggage in the same way -- they just get to be plain old bad and make lots of money. Where does all this leave your average feminist-minded film lover? Confused! The truth is, I do hate most romantic comedies because I'm really a film snob at heart -- but I also know that there's nothing worse to watch on a plane or in bed when you're sick than an Ingmar Bergman movie. Really, you kind of want to kill yourself in the worst way possible. Don't try it at home, kids.

Ultimately the search for a transcendent romantic comedy is like looking for leprechauns at a gay pride parade -- it is a search full of dissimulations and mirages, but ultimately a fruitless one. No one looks for aesthetic greatness, spiritual transformation or emotional revelations in a romantic comedy; they just want to be intelligently and adroitly entertained and leave with the gossamer hope that romantic foibles can iron themselves out into a narrative of charm and fortuitous folly. In a world where courtship is a dirty word, some dudes act like puritanical 1950s virgins and many ladies sleep their way through entire zip codes while blogging about it on MySpace, romantic comedies affirm a (perhaps false) comfort in the old-fashioned codes of romance or, perhaps more broadly, offer the beautiful illusion that the messiness of human relations can be streamlined and tamed. It is outside the scope of this blog to dismantle such longings, so I'll just skip ahead to The Truth About Cats and Dogs, a modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac story starring Janeane Garofolo as an "average girl" and Uma Thurman as her supermodel neighbor who both try to win the heart of a rumpled, cute British photographer. This movie is both lame and awesome. It is lame because:

1. Uma Thurman is only intermittently funny in it (and I generally am an Uma fan, so it pains me to say this.)
2. It uses a dog as a key plot point and exploits the cuteness factor shamelessly
3. It uses a tortoise as a key plot point and exploits the ick factor shamelessly
4. There's a "inadvertently seductive eating" scene set to a song by Suzanne effin' Vega called "Caramel"
5. You don't really buy Uma Thurman and Janeane Garofolo being friends often enough -- which is kind of a key premise of the film's plot.

That said, I do enjoy The Truth About Cats and Dogs for the following reasons:

1. Janeane Garofolo is pretty adorable in it, and totally cute.
2. Ben Chaplin's accent as the cute photographer is adorable, and so is he.
3. This is the first film that ever made me want to move to L.A. -- because everyone lives in such cute apartments! (I think vicarious apartment dwelling and vicarious wardrobe wearing is a huge reason why people go see these movies, actually. I mean, I watched Music and Lyrics and thought it was really dumb in the least fun way possible, but I thought Drew was dressed adorably, which made it semi-watchable.)
4. The dog stuff is actually kinda cute, and so is that tortoise scene, so I totally fell for that trick 'cause I'm a sucker.
5. The film has this horrid department store shopping scene that totally nails why it sucks to buy makeup at those stores.
6. Yay to any film that advocates incorporating the reality principle in contemporary femininity, even in a trite, glossy way!

It's interesting to think that this film was made in 1996; I highly doubt that this script, however witty and smart and light-footed, would be made now, because there's probably some lame-ass Hollywood exec who would change the movie into a BFF/frenemy story about two socialites who bond through breast augmentation and armpit Botox. (Wait, isn't that a reality tv show?) The sad fact is that it is rare for Hollywood to make films about women and their emotional states; this theme mostly assumes any centrality in romantic comedies, which is ultimately why they matter, as lightweight and insignificant as they seem as cinematic products. You know that moment when your "boyfriend" belittles your feelings and reframes your emotional experience to make you look crazy? And it takes awhile, but you finally realize they're kind of lame? That's Hollywood -- an emotionally condescending jerkface who doesn't take love seriously enough to craft stories that do its complexity justice with any semblance of wit, charm and intelligence. Dear Hollywood, that's why I'm breaking up with you. I'm going out with France now -- he's kind of hard to understand, but way sexier. Love, Kat. P.S. - I'm giving back your mix tapes. They are really bad. (Kat)

You've Got Mail

Of all the 9 million movies Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have made together, the best is obviously Joe Versus the Volcano. But that's not really a rom-com, so instead let's review the top ten reasons why I almost-love You've Got Mail:

1. I like how it feels like a Christmas movie even though it's not actually a Christmas movie. Beautiful Girls is the same way, but I'm saving all Beautiful Girls-related content till we do a "Favorite Bromantic Comedy" superlative.

2. Excepting the aforementioned Joe Versus the Volcano, this is by far the most endearing I've found Tom Hanks since the part in The Money Pit when the bathtub falls through the floor.

3. Dave Chappelle! Especially when says "piazza" twice in a row.

4. Parker Posey! Especially when she makes that asinine/bizarro comment about the Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, and Meg Ryan gives Tom Hanks that totally priceless look and it's just so adorable (for real)!

5. Greg Kinnear! I always forget that I really like Greg Kinnear. Dude gets the job done like nobody's business.

6. The girl who plays the girl who works in the bookstore. I have no idea what the name of the actress might be, and I'm too lazy/apathetic to look it up, but I'm endlessly tickled by how she speaks with no affect whatsoever. In fact, I'm going to start talking like that on every nogoodforme.com conference call from now to eternity. Quelle nightmare, say Kat and Laura Jane.

7. If memory serves, one of the earliest scenes shows Meg Ryan bouncily walking to work, clutching a pumpkin in one arm and a cup of coffee in the opposite hand. Sometimes I kind of wish my entire life had that bouncily-walking-while-carrying-a-pumpkin-and-a-cup-of-coffee kind of feel. It would always be early-autumn and I'd be perpetually rosy-cheeked. I'd wear kneesocks every day! But not jumpsuits. While I support jumpsuit-wearing among other girls, you wouldn't catch me dead in a jumpsuit.

8. I like bookstores. More movies should be set in bookstores.

9. I like the stuff about Meg Ryan's character and her mom; that always gets to me the most. And, as with Tom Hanks, this is almost the most endearing I've ever found Meg Ryan. (When Harry Met Sally is maybe a runner-up, but we've all seen that fake-orgasm bit way too many times on Oscar montages and those "Aah...the magic of movies!"-type ad things that come on before the trailers on certain DVDs. It's just so totally played out.)

10. Lastly, even though "Don't cry, Shopgirl" is the dumbest line in the history of cinema, I generally think You've Got Mail is so sweet in a really inoffensive way. The day I saw it in the theater, I was all frowny-faced over a boy, and that whole thing about there being "the dream of someone else" just warmed my bitter collegiate heart. So, You've Got Mail completely serves its purpose. Now here's a scene from Joe Versus the Volcano:

(Liz)

ALL THE ONES WITH HUGH GRANT

Part One: Love, Actually

When Love, Actually came out in theaters, the tagline on all the posters read: THE ULTIMATE ROMANTIC COMEDY. This could not be more true! I "actually love" (not funny) this movie more than, well, pretty much any other movie I've ever seen. So, there you go, World: Laura Jane Faulds' favorite movie of all time is Love, Actually. As a matter of fact, I feel almost guilty writing about Love, Actually from a strictly Hugh-oriented P.O.V, since every storyline in the whole film (except for the dumb crap where Colin Frizzle moves to Wisconsin and has sex with Shannon Elizabeth) is heartwarming and brilliant. The scene where that dude who's never been in another movie holds up the sign that says "TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT" for Keira Knightly has never failed to make me cry. Dear Dudes Reading This Who Might Want Me To Fall In Love With Them: Just do that. And then take me apple-picking.

Nevertheless, Hugh's Love, Actually plotline does indeed take the Love, Actually-plotline (tea)cake. Here are some reasons why:

1. He plays the prime minister of England. Can you imagine what a beautiful world it would be if the prime minister of England was as drop-dead gorgeous as Hugh Grant? It would be like JFK meets Nicolas Sarkozy meets, well, Hugh Grant's character in Love, Actually. There would be no wars, people would smile all the time, and I get the distinct feeling that The Twist would come back into vogue. I nominate the actual Hugh Grant to run for prime minister of England- who cares if he's unqualified? It's so worth it. I'm sure he could pull it together.

2. Martine McCutcheon is adorable like nobody's business and is the only Hugh Grant love interest in the history of Hugh Grant romantic comedies who I feel is "actually" (still not funny) worthy of Hugh Grant's love. I think she is just the sweetest little banoffee pie in the whole bakery! Her chirpy little voice, her inability to refrain from saying "fuck" (I particularly love when she asks, "Where the fuck is my fucking coat?"- THAT'S HOW I TALK!), her Veronica Lodge-esque good looks, everything, etc. Fuck. I fucking wish I was Martine McFuckingCutcheon.

3. When he says, "Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?"- I ASK MYSELF THAT EVERY DAY.

4. You really just can't beat a good "silly dancing" scene, can you?

FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS MAX ADORABILITY:

Part Two: About a Boy

About a Boy is in no way lame. I like it a smidgen less than I like Love, Actually, but just so y'all know, it is about ten trillion smidgens cooler. Coolness, however, can not triumph over Thee Ultimate Romantick Comedy, so there you go. What I love most about About a Boy (besides "every single thing about it") is that Hughie plays moderately against type, which makes a lot more sense than usual.

The thing about Hugh Grant's fame is that he's carved out this awesome little niche for himself where he only ever plays foppish, awkward, nervous, bumbling nerds with mondo girl issues - it's extraordinarily charming and entertaining to watch, but leads me to what I like to call The Great Hugh Grant Paradox. The Paradox lies in how the potential success of these roles rests on the assumption that the film's audience will suspend its collective disbelief and pretend not to notice that Hugh Grant is totally sexy and charming and that it is literally impossible to imagine any single woman in the world not being interested in Hugh Grant. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. HE IS SO HOT.

In About a Boy, Hugh plays a suave playa-y douchebag named Will with too much money, a really sick apartment, the hottest personal style I've ever seen on a dude kind of (that scene where he's walking across the Millenium Bridge wearing a camo-print parka will never fail to send the ol' ticker into arrhythmia-palpitation overdrive), and a heart of whatever-the-opposite-of-gold is. IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. HE IS SO HOT. I wish Hugh Grant would seduce me and then never call me back. THAT WOULD BE SO HOT.

Hugh Grant's sucky love interest in About a Boy is played by Rachel Weisz, who, along with Jennifer Connelly and Audrey Tautou, I wholeheartedly wish I could eradicate from the face of the planet, because every dude I ever love will think that whole damned troika of vaguely-nontraditional beauties are more beautiful than me. Go to Hell, Rachel Weisz/Jennifer Connelly/Audrey Tautou and the Drells.

Part Three: The Best of the Rest

a) Four Weddings and a Funeral: This is the one that started it all, "it" being the whole Hugh Grant bumbling bookish Brit archetype. Personally, my favorite element of 4W&aF is the extremity of Hugh's hair-floppiness. I also really thrive upon how he begins (and/or ends) 9 out of every 10 sentences he speaks with the words "I'm afraid..."

I'm afraid Andie MacDowell is my second least-favorite Hugh Grant sucky love interest of all time. I find it really difficult to believe that someone as hot/awesome as Hugh Grant could ever fall for someone as sucky/not hot/not awesome as Andie MacDowell, I'm afraid.

b) Notting Hill: Well, obviously Julia Roberts wins Laura Jane's prize for Most Annoying Sucky Hugh Grant Love Interest of All Cinematic History. I hate her stupid mouth; I wish I could punch it. I also wish I could remake this movie starring either myself or Sienna Miller in Julia Roberts' role; preferably myself (though, now that I mention it, I am mad curious to see what Hugh and Sisi's onscreen chemistry would be like. Hot, I bet).

The scene where "William Thacker" and "Anna Scott" are climbing over a fence and William Thacker keeps saying "Whoopsie Daisies!" is, well: it's a beautiful thing.

c) The Englishman who Went Up a Hill but Came Down a Mountain: I don't know. I've never seen it. I've started watching it about sixty trillion times, but always get bored five minutes in and go watch Best of Ari Gold Youtube videos or listen to the Kinks or something.

d) Nine Months: I have this frighteningly clear memory of watching this movie when it first came out (I was ten), and being completely terrified/disgusted/creeped-out by the scene where Hugh Grant and hella-preggers Julianne Moore attempt to have creepy pregnant sex. "EWWW!!!! THAT'S WHAT GROWN-UPS DO???" thought baby Laura Jane.

e) American Dreamz: This is literally one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. However, Hugh Grant and Mandy Moore's sexual chemistry is kind of off-the-charts, and totally hot.

f) Music & Lyrics: Alls I have to say is, POP GOES MY HEART:

Hugh Grant: to me, you are gold and silver, I'm afraid. Much love, (Laura Jane)

Tags: Beautiful Girls, Christmas, Dave Chappelle, Hugh Grant, I want to live in L.A., Janeane Garofolo, JFK, Joe Versus the Volcano, kneesocks, Martine McCutcheon, not wearing jumpsuits, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Uma Thurman, Veronica Lodge, You've Got Mail

Posted by Kat, Liz and Laura in Superlatives | Permalink | Leave a comment | Comments (2)

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2 Comments!!

kat: my favorite moment in 'truth about cats and dogs' is when uma thurman steps out the trailer wearing a milk maid costume and smoking a cigarette. for about five seconds last week i was thinking about being a milk maid for halloween, but now i think milk-maid-smoking-a-cigarette is a way better costume (especially since just plain 'milk maid' is so lame anyway).

laura: my favorite moment in 'love actually' is when hugh grant does the two-handed wave and goes 'hi!' in that dorky voice to the secretary girl. the bit with keira knightly and the signs gets to me so bad i can hardly watch it.

By Liz on September 23, 2008 4:59 PM

This is a brilliant post, I'm afraid.
If I remember correcty, Meg Ryan has a very cool 90's minimalist wardrobe in You've Got Mail.

By le club du style on September 26, 2008 1:14 PM

Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)

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