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Tuesday , December 14, 2010
Dream Girls: Liz Brings Magic Frosting to Kat's House, Wreaks Havoc
This installment of Dream Girls, our new dream analysis column, doesn't have a high celeb quotient (unless you count Steve Aoki) but it sure is weird. AND it features appearances by Liz and Laura Jane themselves -- kind of.
Steve Aoki, kinda impersonating a wrestler from Turkmenistan
I should set this dream up with the following circumstances: 1) I had it the night after Halloween after many, many drinks. And 2) On Halloween night on the way to a party in Williamsburg, I saw a group of little people emerge out of the Graham Ave. L stop dressed like 1930s Chicago gangsters. So I'm sure this, along with the veil between worlds being so thin on All Souls Night and all that, has a lot to do with how weird and Lynchian this dream kind of is.
Anyway: I am walking through my childhood home in Illinois getting things ready, and for some reason, despite having the same type of body and physiology I have now as an adult, I feel I'm really about five or six years old. I'm making my way from the backyard through my kitchen/dining room, where my parents are sitting at a table with this new couple they're best friends with. This new couple seem really uptight and stern, and across from them my parents are giggling and conspiring like two rebellious teenagers against them. (If you knew my parents in real life, you would know this is completely the opposite of how they'd act!) I pass them, trying to go unnoticed by the new couple, and I fervently hope that my parents diss them soon as friends.
I go to the front door of my house and open it, where lo and behold -- Liz and Laura Jane are standing on my porch, all ready to play! They look like how they do in real life, but in my dream we all feel like kids. Liz is my "age" and LJ is a few years younger, which I guess makes her a toddler in my dream world. They come inside into my living room and we sit on our yellow shag carpet. Liz is wearing pigtails and LJ's looking a little freaked out by everything around her, paying real close attention to the cellophane wrapping around our VHS tapes. (This was actually a fascination of one of my real-life sisters when she was little.) Liz has this little backpack on, and she opens it up and takes out a can of frosting. For some reason, this frosting kind of weirds me out -- I think it's too buttery, but does that stop Liz from taking out a spoon and eating it? NO! Liz will eat her frosting if she wants to, which she does, with great calm and determination. I look over to LJ to see how she feels about the frosting, but LJ has wandered off with the VHS cellophane wrapping and I have the feeling that she is okay, even if the frosting is now starting to give me a lot of anxiety.
Of course, I am totally right, because suddenly the door opens and these big weird wrestler dudes from "Turkmenistan" come into my house, wearing traditional Turkmen costume. (Note: I have no idea what this really looks like.) They sit right in front of Liz and stare at her in this weird ceremonial way, and she calmly doles out some frosting to them. One by one they kneel in front of her and get their frosting, and then they each take a place in my living room, as if waiting for something to happen. I'm kind of worrying inside that my parents will walk in, but then I remember that they're teenagers and will probably be okay with a wrestling team from Turkeministan invading their home if it'll help get their new friends out.
Then, finally, Steve Aoki walks in, only he's dressed like a Turkmen hipster (and not, I guess, like a L.A. hipster.) He's got this cool embroidered vest on and very creative facial hair. He doesn't speak at all until Liz gives him some frosting. I get the feeling that this silence is part of the "ceremony." Finally he eats his frosting and tells us the frosting is like a weird throat remedy for singers and that he's looking for some new bands for his label and heard something was going down at my house. Suddenly this MAGIC TURKMENISTANI DUDE walks in. He's like the most majestically huge Turkmen dude ever, wearing the best costume (lots of pink and lots of flowers) and he just takes the can of Liz's frosting and eats it all. Liz doesn't complain one bit, and then I realize that SHE KNEW ALL ALONG that this was going to happen. (That Liz! So sneaky!) The Magic Turk stands at the front of the room after eating all the frosting, and he starts singing. And it's pretty much the most amazing music ever. (This is the coolest part of the dream, when there's really indescribable music.) The man has this amazing, beautiful voice, and the song itself is really graceful and melancholy but oddly joyous, and it makes everything in the dream really lovely and serene. One of the wrestlers listening to the music lies back on the carpet, and soon he starts floating around on it, like he's on an inflatable raft in a pool or something. For some reason, this violation of the laws of physics really bothers me and I get freaked that my parents will walk in again. In fact, I look over at Liz, who's just totally sitting there with her pigtails and chilling with the song and trying to eat more frosting, and I remember thinking, "BarKER!!!!!" Which made me laugh, and then I woke up!
What the hell?!?!?! Why am I not eating the frosting? I should be eating the frosting. I want frosting!
Second and foremost, I find it highly intriguing that Kat dreamed up the nogoodforme.com troika as being lil' babies. This is bunk, Kat. Everybody knows that the ngfm troika are mature and sophisticated women of the world. I imagine that K's subconscious most likely positioned us as children to represent the obviously obvious fact that the nogoodforme.com Lifestyle Media neo-Martha Stewart Living Empire is, at press time, merely in its infancy. Once this metaphor is accepted and recognized, every other aspect of Kat's dream falls immediately into place:
1. Dream-Laura Jane is ripping cellophane off a VHS tape. Said VHS tape acts as a symbol of COMMUNICATIVE MEDIA. Laura Jane is breaking down the boundaries that exist between her and (the idea of) Film, ie. Laura Jane is facilitating the growth of nogoodforme.tv. This is true about Laura Jane. Duh.
2. I thought for a second that perhaps The Frosting was meant to embody Michael Showalter, and that Liz's eating of the "frosting" was Kat's-dream-Liz's way of saying, "Hah! Take that, LJ! Sho is MINE ALL MINE," but then I realized I was being a little self-centered.
3. In actuality, the frosting is emblematic of nogoodforme.com's je ne sais quoi. Dream-Kat's sketchiness about the frosting being "too buttery" serves as a metaphor for IRL-Kat's deep fear that perhaps nogoodforme.com is just too damn good (and/or "buttery") for the sorry state of contemporary popular culture. Don't fret, Kat! When it comes to nogoodforme.com: the butterier the better.
4. Magic Turkmenistani Dude= the Blogosphere. THINK ABOUT IT.
5. Dream-Liz's pigtails represent the fact that, in real life, Liz Barker often wears her hair in pigtails.
6. THE MORAL OF THE STORY: When Magic Turkmenstani Dude (the Blogosphere) eats The Frosting (the magic of ngfm), he makes music so beautiful (The Beatles?) that people (the Earth's General Populus) begin to FLOAT AROUND (have their minds blown by the mind-blowing coolness of nogoodforme.com). 'Nuff said.
7. I'm not entirely sure what Steve Aoki represents. Perhaps Kat's dream is "starring Steve Aoki as himself."
8. Kat is drunk.
Unlike Laura Jane, I think it's so fantastic that Kat dreamed up the nogoodforme.com troika as ickle little scamps. There's this quote from Courtney Love that goes: "If you can't embrace your daily life properly with an enthusiasm that's unfettered, like a child, then fuck you." The nogoodforme.com troika is so obviously all about childlike and unfettered enthusiasm for (as LJ would say) This Grand Old Dame We Call Life, and so the idea of us-as-tiny-tots is so spot on. That said, I also fully dig on the suggestion that nogoodforme.com may only be at the very earliest stages of its transition into a Lifestyle Media neo-Martha Stewart Living Empire. Plus, last night I dreamed I was hanging out with this really awesome baby at some weird rock show, so right now I'm all about the youth. Gaga googoo gaga!
Now, a point-by-point response to the remainder of LJ's psychoanalysis:
1. VHS tape as a symbol of communicative media = right on. Though, truth be told, I never would've thought of that on my own.
2. Ewww, Michael Showalter is so not the frosting! Gross. Just the suggestion that Michael Showalter might be the frosting completely neutralizes the last strains of my Sho lust, and it also makes me not want to eat cake ever again. I'll definitely get over the latter in about five or six minutes, but maybe not the former.
3. I like the idea of the frosting representing nogoodforme.com's je ne sais quoi. I think maybe it could even mean something more magical and mystical, although I'm not sure what that magical/mystical thing might be.
4. I don't know about the magic Turkmenistani dude representing the blogosphere. I tend to think there's something more magical and mystical at work there too, like he's some sort of spirit guide sent to help elevate us to the levels of greatness we're meant to achieve (the Lifestyle Media neo-Martha Stewart Living Empire thing, benevolent domination of the entire Milky Way galaxy, etc.). Maybe he's Bono! And maybe the reason I knew about him all along is Bono's my secret uncle and he called my mom before coming over to Kat's house and then my mom slipped a note in my backpack.
5. I do often wear my hair in pigtails! And I actually carry a backpack kinda often too. And there's always a can of frosting in the front pouch, but the frosting is NEVER MICHAEL SHOWALTER.
7. Yeah, I don't know what the hell Steve Aoki is doing there either. Maybe Kat's subconsciously remembering the time I went to Kitchen 24 and sat a table away from Steve Aoki and then wrote a post about it. I don't think Steve Aoki could possibly mean any more than that to any of us. Sorry, Steve Aoki.
8. Kat is drunk! Let's all get drunk!
Tags: Bono, Courtney Love, dreams, frosting, Laura Jane Faulds, Liz Barker, Martha Stewart Living, Michael Showalter, neo-Martha Stewart Living, nogoodforme.com's impending world domination, psychoanalysis, singing, Steve Aoki, Turkmenistan
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