Monday , November 16, 2009

nogoodforme IX: Best Tearjerkers That Aren't, You Know, Steel Magnolias

Dead Poets Society
When you're 15, you think, "A movie about boys in boarding school in the 1950s? Sign me up!" What you don't realize is that you're getting into some serious coming-of-age, mega-loads of teen dude angst and super-cute Ethan Hawkeage. Not even Robin Williams can get in the way, even when he's teaching the kids about "carpe diem":

The Fox and the Hound
Why does this world have to be such a cold, cruel place? Why can't puppies and foxes be best friends? It just ain't fair. You know, The Fox and the Hound may very well be the most effective "breaking down problematic societal norms"-themed film in cinematic history.

Happy Together
This story of two gay Chinese dudes who can't seem to get it together in the relationship department (even when they're in super-sexy Argentina) always kills me. Wong Kar-Wai's films can always be counted on for beautiful people, beautiful images and the most beautiful cinematic melancholy ever. Key moment: when Tony Leung's character (oh Tony!) goes to the gorgeous Iguaxu Falls. Without his boyfriend. Alone. (P.S. - RIP Leslie Cheung, and below is the Japanese trailer.)

The Hours
There is a certain member of the nogoodforme.com troika who cannot even think about this film without getting all sniffly and bummed out to the point where she is tempted to holler, "NO, ED HARRIS! DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!" between sobs. As such, said member of the ngfm team will unfortunately have to cop out of writing this segment properly. She would, however, like to inform you all that Jeff Daniels' performance in this film is effing brilliant . NO! DON'T DIE, VIRGINIA WOOLF! PLEASE! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER 20th CENTURY LITERATURE!

thehours.jpg

Joy Luck Club
Man, what is it about mother-daughter films that just make you want to bawl your eyes out? This is one of the most emo of mother-daughter films ever. But why? Is it something inherent in the Asian-Am feminine experience? Is it because Asian babies are so cute? No! Joy Luck Club is the supreme emo of mother-daughter films because it has, like, FOUR mothers and FOUR daughters. That's a lot of mother-daughter stuff right there, so it wins by sheer force of numbers. Get your tissues out:

A Little Princess
1995's A Little Princess is brought to you by Alfonso Cuaron, the same genius responsible for totally the goth-est installment of Harry Potter. If you don't well up at the scene where Sara Crewe (the original "poor little rich girl") is reunited with her presumed-dead amnesiac father ("Papa? Papa! It's me! Sara! Papa! Remember! Remember?!?!"..."SARAAAAAAAAAA"), you are the Grinch who stole Christmas. This film is also remarkable because the evil headmistress is played by the sexy, exotic villain from HELP!.

Seen below: every heartbreaking second of ALP's uber-dramz conclusion

The Outsiders
You know how in your early 20s you reclaimed The Outsiders boys (especially Dally) as the embodiment of scary-tuff rocknroll hotness, so distracted by the black leather and rolled-up white t-shirts and threadbare blue jeans that you totally forgot about how The Outsiders was the first movie to ever make you just weep, shedding even more tears than you did at the oh-so-heart-strings-tugging end of Harry & The Hendersons? That was mighty silly of you, you big silly goose.

outsiders.jpg

Steel Magnolias
Just kidding about the title of this post! Apparently not all of us love Steel Magnolias, but one of us (guess which one!) loves this charmingly heartachey Southern tale of the power of female friendship enough for the rest of the blog. That said, it's all the sassy hair-salon banter - not the tear-jerky stuff - that's really the standout in Steel Magnolias: Dolly Parton + Shirley MacClaine + Olympia Dukakis = WIN, and life in general would be way less good without that bit where Julia Roberts goes, "My cullahs are BLUSH and BASHFUL." Plus, Daryl Hannah's fucking fantastic:

Waitress
One particular nogoodforme blogger (guess which one again!) gets so worked up over Waitress, sometimes she even turns a little teary-eyed during the g.d. trailer. A lot of those tears are for Adrienne Shelly, but they're also for all those heart-in-throat moments - like when Andy Griffith says, "Pie lady, listen to me: This life'll kill you," or the birth scene, or how Adrienne Shelly's character thinks she's ugly. If anyone ever tells you s/he feels nothing for Waitress, you'd best knock on their forehead to make sure they're not made of stone.

waitressmovie.jpg

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2 Comments!!

omg, 'the fox and the hound'!! i can't remember what happens at the end and i kind of don't want to know.

p.s. this post was really hard to write without using the first person singular. that's probably because crying is a pretty personal thing.

I didn't like Waitress. It wasn't real to me. It was too "acted" out and I didn't feel like I was watching believable characters, though the bulk of the story made sense. IE: If you look at their uniforms, they look brand new, their hair looks perfect. They don't "look" like real waitresses. They look like actresses and that got me away from the film.

Joy Luck Club -wonderful

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