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Tuesday , December 14, 2010

Thrift Scores with Laura Jane, THE LOS ANGELES EDITION: 12.31.08-01.08.09

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1. Floral Ceramic Necklace: This is an ideal necklace for when I'm wearing an especially wacky outfit and feel like sporting an accessory, but don't feel like looking like an insane person.

2. Union Jack Muscle Tee: As follows is very obviously the Haute Fourteen-Year-Old Stoner Boy equivalent of the skank-chic Union Jack minidress Geri Halliwell wore to the '97 BRIT Awards, not to mention SO Keith Moon's Girl Twin Sister (-chic) that it makes me want to flush dynamite down my toilet and drink Courvoisier for breakfast.

3. Tribal Bunny Neckpiece: Kat This necklace takes itself so unnecessarily seriously! It looks like it should be worn by the Grand Shaman of Nairobi while he sacrifices seventeen okapis to the God of Time and Agriculture, but then, like, it's bunnies.

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4. "LJ AT THE LOVE-IN" Dress: One day, it will be the summertime. The sun will shine, I'll have a killer tan and natural glow about my person, my lips won't be chapped, SAD will be a thing of the past, and I'll be able to smoke while I eat on restaurant patios. One day in June, I will wake up in the morning and bounce down the street wearing this tacky-ass number with sunglasses and ballet flats, sipping on a blended juice drink while listening to "Sunny Afternoon" by the Kinks on headphones. On this day, all will be well in the world. T minus 4 months, Bosses!

5. "CHAIRMAN MAO AT THE LOVE-IN" Tote: This bag makes no sense; I have no concept of what its original context could possibly have been! One side of it is printed with a Maharishi/Kama Sutra-y image of a man and wife surrounded by Ganesh and vegetation and tapestries and shit; the other is executed in a similar style, but showcases portraits of who I can only assume to be Chairman Mao, Karl Marx, and perhaps Benito Mussolini.

6. Hog Babies T-shirt: There was a zero percent chance of me ever passing this tee up! I love the Hog Babies! I also get a kick out of imagining what the red-faced, barbecue-lovin' Arkansas Razorbacks fan who bought this tee for his LA nephew or whatevs would think if he knew it now belonged to a goofy 23-year-old Canadian fashion blogger. I guess he'd probably just be grateful that I'm doing my part in spreading pro-Razorbacks sentiment across the Great White North.

7. Heart-woman Pin: Now who in the world could resist a vaguely-Sapphic tarnished silver brooch that looks as if it were rendered by a four-year-old Henri Matisse? This one's real klassy.

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8. Sir Paul McCartney T-shirt: I seriously can't imagine how I lived without this t-shirt. I love it as much as a dog, or maybe even my first-born son. Sorry, First-born Son: You'll never be my Paul McCartney.

9. Camels Mood Necklace: I wear this every day. It is the best piece of jewelry I've ever owned. it goes with everything! The best thing about it is that you can position the camels to reflect your mood that day-

OPTION #1: They can face each other, so that they are kissing and maybe even in LOVE! I call this option Camels in Love.
OPTION #2: They can both face the same direction, so that one camel is following the other camel. I call this option Follow Your Brother.
OPTION #3: Option #3 is the same as Option #2, only facing the opposite direction. I call Option #3 Follow Your Brother, Vol. II.
OPTION #4: They can face away from each other, because they hate each other, and can't even bear to look at one another. This option is named Camel vs. Camel.

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