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Tuesday , December 14, 2010
All-Time Top 5 Reasons To Be In Love With Josh Hamilton
(This is Josh Hamilton. You may know him from movies like Kicking and Screaming or House of Yes or maybe even that one where Joe Pesci plays a homeless guy who goes to Harvard or something. I love him a lot and you should too. Here's why.)
HE WAS REAL GOOD IN THAT PLAY I SAW LAST WEEK. It's called This Is Our Youth; it was written by the guy who made You Can Count On Me (Kenneth Lonegran, love love love). The performance I saw was a radio play and the stars were Josh Hamilton and Mark Ruffalo and the woman who played David's ex-fiance on "Six Feet Under," and I pretty much spent the whole night telepathically/creepily casting love spells on J.H. and his semi-complicated hair. Mark Ruffalo's aces at that schlumpy/whiny thing that lots of you ladies seem to love so immensely, but the Joshster's cranky/talky thing is so much more my speed. Anyway, supposedly KPCC's going to stream the entire play on its website for a week, but I don't know when that's happening. I even nerdily emailed the station to ask when it might air but they never wrote me back. Bastards.
HE'S QUITE THE LOOKER. But in a totally reasonable kind of way: Dude's a cut above your average Joe, for sure, but it's not like he's possessed of some blinding beauty anyone might drop dead over. And that's a really desirable quality in a lifelong crush, the removal of the possibility of your spontaneous death. Let's call it the Peter Krause Effect, or the Paul Rudd Effect, or maybe the Opposite of Cillian Murphy Effect. (And, by the way, this is probably as good a time as any to tell you that happiness is following Paul Rudd on Twitter. He's delightful.)
HE'S GOT FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES. And by that I mean Michael Showalter, Michael Ian Black, and David Wain, who are not our friends, but we love them anyway, we guess. Josh is in one of the Stella shorts but it's got too many gross parts for me to link to it here - sorry! I will tell you that it's called "David's Cousin" and there's a cute bit with J.H. and D.W. holding hands to "Purple Rain," and Sho's got very intense hair and at one point pronounces "puppie" as "purpie," which kind of undoes me, against my better judgment.
HE'S LIKE A REAL-LIFE VERSION OF ALBERT FROM BREAD AND JAM FOR FRANCES. Apart from Kicking and Screaming, This Is Our Youth, the lovely and totally slept-on Diggers, Broken English, and the episode of Sex & The City where he played Miranda's phone-sex friend, my favorite thing Josh Hamilton's ever done is this New York article in which he documented his food consumption for an entire week. It's like the dream version of my food life, or like if Albert from Bread and Jam for Frances actually existed and were a human instead of a badger. Things eaten include: fresh mozzarella on whole-wheat toast; red rice, black beans, avocado, and steamed kale; Pinkberry with mango; soy lattes; cold tomato soup with leftover basmati rice mixed in (well played, my friend); skillet eggs with mushrooms; chickpeas with banana raita; mascarpone-chocolate-chip cake; apple-cider donuts; spanakopita; mashed sweet potatoes; mango and blueberry sorbet with chocolate-chip cookies; Thai black rice with edamame; spinach- and-piquillo-pepper tamale; and red wine and mint-chocolate Newmans O's (as in "O to the M to the G," I'm sure). Plus a whole lotta Nature's Path Optimum Power cereal. I LOVE NATURE'S PATH OPTIMUM POWER CEREAL. Josh, we are soul twins. I was gonna tell you to ditch this "Lily" person you speak of, but then I got to the part where it says you've got a kid together, and I could never break that up. Buy me a midnight cupcake, at least.
OH, AND HIS MOVIES ARE PRETTY GREAT, TOO. Like I said in last week's Snapshot, Kicking and Screaming is prolly my 23rd favorite movie ever. J.H. does the cranky/talky thing to the nth degree; his character Grover is the only person I can think of who's more perpetually annoyed than I am. At 1:40 in the clip below you'll witness the bit of dialogue that first made me fall head over boots for Josh Hamilton some 13 years ago - it was my sophomore year of college and I was sick as hell with some probably self-inflicted respiratory malady, and at the part when Grover says "how-bad-American-beer-is thing" twice in a row, I totally swooned right off my cinderblock-raised bed. I still swoon, a little.
Tags: Albert the Badger is my dream man, crushes, cupcakes, Josh Hamilton, Kicking and Screaming, Michael Showalter, movies, Paul Rudd, Sex & The City, Six Feet Under, the Opposite of Cillian Murphy Effect, Twitter
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