Monday , November 16, 2009
nogoodforme ix: Sexiest Funnypeople in the History of the Universe
WILL ARNETT
Do you know how long I've waited for a good excuse to post this Vanity Fair photo of Will Arnett as Han Solo? Like, at least three weeks. It's been agony! But seriously: This pic's melding of two of my all-time crushingest crushes is so surreally perfect; the only thing that could ever be better would be if Vanity Fair shot Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore-era Kris Kristofferson as Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey-era Keanu Reeves. Which I'm sure is in the works. By the way, can the Arrested Development movie please come out tomorrow? (Liz)
JIM CARREY
No one ever believes me when I say I heart Jim Carrey, but it's true. I HEART JIM CARREY! I've never seen about half his movies and I mostly hope I never do, but his lanky, vaguely Peter Krause-esque good looks so make my heart skip a beat, especially when he's doing that sensitive-schlub act in stuff like in Eternal Sunshine and Yes Man (which I kind of halfway loved). Also, I think it's tops that he's shacked up with Jenny McCarthy. They'd so be the awesomest couple friends/bowling-night partners ever. (Liz)
JEMAINE CLEMENT
I feel like a terrible person writing about Jemaine Clement and ignoring Bret McKenzie, but Sorry, World- I just don't find Bret sexy, freaky as he may be. Jemaine is one of those lucky human beings who obvsduh had no choice but to go into comedy, since EVERY SINGLE THING he does is totes hilar. Even when Jemaine is merely standing straight-faced, doing absolutely nothing, he is still funnier than 99.9999% of people at their personal acme of hilarity. But who cares about funniness? We're talking about sexiness here. At times, yes, funniness can be very sexy indeed, but know what's way sexier than funniness? Sexiness. Jemaine Clement is sexy. He is ten trillion feet tall with a strong shoulder-set and a cleft in his chin. He is tall, dark and handsome. He is a cool drink of water on a hot day. Oh, and he looks fly as all get out in a pair of skintight bell-bottomed trousers. Jemaine: you're most definitely something that I think I might be into. (LJ)
Watch as Jemaine totally steals the show away from poor Bret!-
TINA FEY
Do we really need to go into how much Tina Fey is a world of awesome? I mean, this is practically required knowledge these days, right? Everyone goes on and on about her glasses and there was that oddly appearance-fixated profile of her in Vanity Fair (written by a woman, no less!), but I love Tina for her way with words and for the awesome way she's handled her power in a really cut-throat, competitive industry. The patron saint of brainy, bitingly witty girls out there and a total fox to boot, I just want to be Tina Fey when I grow up. Don't we all?
Tina's so good, she can even make awkward award show banter work (with help from Steve Martin, and pardon the craptastic quality). (Kat)
ANDY KAUFMAN
Andy Kaufman was maybe my first crush ever; I used to watch "Taxi" every night on WLVI and wish for Latka to be my boyfriend. Then I grew up and found out he hated doing "Taxi," which kind of ruined my Latka crush and forced me to retroactively swoon over Jeff Conaway as Bobby the Failed Actor - how tragic! Anyway, despite having seen Man on the Moon one and a half times and weathered a particularly brutal Boston winter in which my roommate and I spent many a night stonedly watching I'm From Hollywood on Comedy Central, I'm fairly ignorant about Andy Kaufman's non-"Taxi" career. All I know is this clip of Andy playing the bongos on "The Tonight Show" is maybe my 87th most favorite thing in the world, and I wish more dudes dressed exactly like this all the time. (Liz)
STEVE MARTIN
Why do I think Steve Martin is hot? Why have I thought Steve Martin is hot since I was, like, eight years old? I barely even think Steve Martin is particularly funny. King Tut makes me cringe in embarrassment, though L.A. Story and The Jerk are both classics. I guess it is a visceral attraction more than anything else; love is blind, as they say. And really, who can resist a good Silver Fox? Not Claire Danes, and apparently not Laura Jane Faulds. (LJ)
Why watch Steve Martin perform King Tut when you can watch a group of adolescent girls perform King Tut? Gosh, I have so very many Steve Martin-related questions.
SETH MEYERS
If somebody asked me to imagine in my head exactly what the Dude of my Dreams would look like, and there was no Seth Meyers in the world, my head would nevertheless conjure up Seth Meyers' exact countenance. When Seth Meyers first joined the SNL cast, I was (to blatantly steal a Liz Barker-ism) mind-bottled. "How can this be true?" I asked myself. "Is this a mirage? An apparition? A dream? Am I dead? Did I just die? Is he for real?" It was neither a mirage, an apparition nor a dream. I was not dead. I did not just die. Sharp, pointy little blondie-blond Seth Meyers is indeed a real person, so if you know him, can you please direct him on over to nogoodforme.com and let him know that I'm single?
Also, I just learned via imdb.com that "his mom, Hilary Meyers, is a legendary French teacher at McKelvie Middle School in Bedford, New Hampshire, who is known almost universally throughout the town as Madame Meyers" which is INSANE, because my Mom is a legendary French teacher known almost universally throughout the town of Oakville, Ontario as Madame Faulds!!!! Clearly we are meant to be. (LJ)
OKAY THIS IS SO WEIRD THAT SETH MEYERS AND I HAVE SHARED THE EXACT SAME MOM-EXPERIENCE OMG OMG OMG I NEED TO DATE SETH MEYERS-
PS: Oddly enough, Seth Meyers shares a birthday with Elizabeth Barker of nogoodforme.com. What do you have weirdly in common with Kat Asharya, Seth Meyers?
BILL MURRAY
Or, rather, "BILL MURRAY AS PETER VENKMAN." Peter Venkman's kinda the quintessential endearing asshole; I love him so much I once named a goldfish after him. If I ever marry Bill Nye the Science Guy, or some other sciencey kinda dude, I'm so gonna make him get one of those "Back Off, Man - I'm A Scientist" bumper stickers. P.S. I re-watched Ghostbusters while cleaning the house last week, and it truly is the greatest movie ever made. (Liz)
MICHAEL SHOWALTER / NOT MICHAEL SHOWALTER
LIZ: I first fell for Michael Showalter much like every other pseudo-reluctant rock-nerd girl who hit adolescence in the year punk broke: while watching The State during Saturday night babysitting gigs that usually involved way more Spin-reading, brownie-baking, and three-way phone chatting than actual babysitting. (Lord, I was a lousy babysitter. DON'T EVER HIRE ME.) I think I forgot about him for about 15 years, till he and Paul Rudd did their Lily Tomlin/David O. Russell parody thing on the "Michael Showalter Showalter" (see vid below), and then I got addicted to Stella, and then I was in love all over again. Mostly it's the hair, and that oddly pitched voice, and the brainy goofiness that probably made me naively go, "I can't wait to get to college and meet tons of boys exactly like Michael Showalter!" way back when. Also, no one has ever said "fuck you" hotter/more hilariously than Ghost Sho at 1:36 of my favorite Stella short ever. And no one ever will.
LAURA: Okay, Barker, Yeah: I get it. Michael Showalter is so hot, and has such a good haircut, and his whistly speaking voice is just too endearing. Showalter, Showalter, Showalter. Blah-di-blah-di-blah. Dude- I think you're forgetting something very, very important about Michael Showalter:
Michael Showalter BROKE MY HEART.
How do you think it feels to be rejected by Michael Showalter on the freaking Internet? Do you even realize how difficult this all has been for me, Liz? Sitting at home every night, knowing that Jerkface Sho and his lockface buddy, David "Mean To Me On Facebook" Wain, could be shit-talking me at any given moment? "Ha!" Showalter must holler to David Wain, in his wheedley little voice, "That Laura Jane Faulds of nogoodforme.com! She thinks she's so clever! But she's not good enough for the almighty Michael Showalter! HA!"
There is a definite downside to moderate Internet celebrity, which is that you never know when Michael Showalter is making fun of your blog to David Wain. Liz Barker, you're a traitor. How could you choose Sho over me? I'm like your baby sister. Michael Showalter's just some middle-aged comedian. Ugh. Oh, and just so everybody knows: Sho's Twitter BLOWS compared to Michael Ian Black's.
LIZ: Oh, LJ, how I wish I could assuage your fears of being the butt of some intra-Stella joke, but alas: I can't deny that our beloved/reviled Sho is a cad, a lout, a scoundrel who might never think twice before trampling all over our tender hearts. And yeah, Black's Twitter kicks Sho's Twitter's ass all over the place (my most favorite MIB bon mot of late: "I wish I could enjoy sleep more when I was actually sleeping and not the memory of sleep after I woke up. That way, death would be awesome!"). So I guess now's the time for me to step up to the plate and do my big-sisterly duty and tell you: "You're too good for Michael Showalter!" And I'm too good for Michael Showalter! And Kat's too good for Michael Showalter too, even though she probably doesn't care, like, at all! We're all too good for Michael Showalter, so much so that we should probably just change the name of this blog from "nogoodforme.com" to "toogoodformichaelshowalter.com." Catchy, yeah? I just bought the domain name and will now start working on designing a new logo featuring Michael Showalter getting stabbed in the eye with a toothpick by his own cats. Hahahahahahahahaha....APRIL FOOLS!
Tags: April Fools' Day pranks, Arrested Development, Bill Murray, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Flight of the Conchords, Han Solo, Jemaine Clement, Jim Carrey, Michael Showalter, Paul Rudd, Peter Krause, Seth Meyers, Steve Martin, Tina Fey, toogoodformichaelshowalter.com, Will Arnett
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Posted by Liz in nogoodforme IX |
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2 Comments!!
Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)
Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."
I was with you until you said you don't find Bret sexy. Everything after that was a blur.
Tsk-tsk.
By Nik on April 7, 2009 6:47 AM
I totally agree with u on Tina Fey! U can just tell how smart she is with the way she uses her words!!! Tina is amazing. What I wouldn't give to be half as smart, funny, and sexy as Tina Fey!!!
By Andrea on April 7, 2009 1:35 PM