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Tuesday , December 14, 2010
Imaginary Shopping Spree: Bernhard Willhelm is a Freaking Genius
Bernhard Willhelm is, in the words of Kim Deal, a Koo Koo Cannonball. And, just as Kim Deal loved the mysterious, possibly-fictional Koo Koo Cannonball for whom she penned "Cannonball", I love Bernhard Willhelm. Dude is based out of Antwerp (apparently the coolest city in the world? It makes Berlin look like Nowheresville, Arkansas), and the harsh, Goth-y drapey-ness that defines the Belgian avant-garde is definitely there, but my koo koo self responds more to the loopy, perverse sense of humour he uses as a counterpoint to Demeulemeesterian severity.
Plus, his shit's pretty cheap (relatively), and when it isn't, it's totally worth it. It's not like you're paying $490 for a sateen J.Crew bridesmaid's dress (Christ on Crutches! Honest to Pete! What Oh What is the deal with J.Crew prices surpassing $400 all over the place? It's J.Crew, for heaven's sake!) In other news, I am so in love with Bernhard's recent Camper collabo that I just interrupted my writing of this post to e-mail my Mom a link to the white rope sandals saying "URGENT! I HAVE A BIRTHDAY ON THE HORIZON!"
1. Poochy Miniskirt: I used to wear skirts almost every day; never wearing jeans was "my thing". Now, I never wear skirts and always wear jeans, because I'm lazy and tomboyish and they match more. This is the kind of skirt that would inspire me to overwear skirts again: it's simple, clearly comfortable/non-restrictive, but still fucked up and weird enough that I wouldn't feel like Charlotte York-Goldenblatt.
2. BW for Uslu Airlines nailpolish: What kind of weird world is this? I seriously cannot believe blank-for-blank designer collabos have reached such a fever pitch of ubiquity that even Ber-freakin'-nard Freakin' Willhelm has his own line of nailpolish. He is like the Gwyneth Paltrow for Estee Lauder Pleasures of the avant-garde. I'm mostly just playin', though (since I'm a playa, and that's how I's be rollin')- the existence of BW nail varnie (as they say across the pond, I think) is the best motivation I've ever had to quit biting my nails.
3. Naked Ladies Dress: It would be annoying to wear this dress in front of a frat boy. Faced with this dress in his presence, a frat boy would not know what to do with himself. Smoke would come out of his ears, and he'd smack himself in the face screaming "Hubba Hubba!" You know, I think the only person in the world who could love this dress more than I do would be the dirtiest frat boy at all Kansas State U. This dress features full-frontal nudity, and depicts some sort of group-sex situation, not to mention a nasty little ogre ogling the orgy. But, I think I'm way more into the dress' "silhouette" than would be my puerile Frat boy friend.
4. Green Goddess Dress: This dress being named the Green Goddess Dress reminds me of Annie's Green Goddess salad dressing, which I like, just as I like this dress. I would wear this dress to MY OWN WEDDING. Actually, that's a lie- I found my wedding dress at a Goodwill last summer; it is hanging in my closet as we speaketh ("WHEREFORE ART THOU, SETH MEYERS?" it wails, day after day) But whatevuh, I could still wear this to my wedding rehearsal/reception/somebody else's wedding. I can't wait until I reach the age when people get married a lot; great excuse to buy new dresses, and if you're attending, say, your ex-boyfriend's wedding to some chick you way loathe, you can do things like rock this dress to the ceremony and steal all the attention away from the bride! HA!
5. Tribal Face top: The tribal face design is cool, of course, but really- this one's all about the sleevery. The sleeves on this top are the best sleeves I have ever seen in the history of sleeves! If there were Sleeve Oscars, these sleeves would win Best Sleeves, which would be the Sleeve Oscars' equivalent of Best Picture.
6. Zebra dress: Hi! I'm Laura Jane Wearing This Dress! I'm the coolest, cutest, luckiest, happiest person ever to exist on the planet! I'm going to go make out with my boyfriend Seth Meyers and prance around the West Village! Wa-hooligans! Shiver me timbers! I am so stoked I am wearing the best dress in the world! Life is magnificent! Zebra Chic 'til Death!
Tags: Bernhard Willhelm, Charlotte York-Goldenblatt, designer collaboration, frat boys, Gwyneth Paltrow, imaginary shopping spree, Judgement Day, Kim Deal, orgies, Seth Meyers should date Laura Jane Faulds, The Sleeve Oscars, weddings, zebra dresses
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