May 17, 2009
Stop the Presses! nogoodforme rocks Lucky's blog, celebrates sixth birthday, continues circuitous yet inevitable world domination
We interrupt your Lazy Sunday to basically flip our shizzits about being mentioned in the blog of one aforementioned Lucky magazine. Yay us! If there was any member of the Conde Nast empire we'd want to be namechecked in, it'd be Lucky, which makes us NOT want to throw our issues across the room in an agony of frustration. Thank you, Lucky, we heart you, too.
But the big news is that this week WE ARE TURNING SIX YEARS OLD THIS WEEK! Yes, it's Birthday Week for nogoodforme.com. Six blog years is really eighteen in human years, which means we are LEGAL and ready to go to college soon, where no doubt we will major in Classics, Cultural Anthropology and Semiotics (all at once), smoke a lot of pot, make out on both coasts and five continents, maybe halfheartedly start a band and have a nervous breakdown. Probably all at once; don't you do everything all at once at this age? Who knows what will happen in the next year, but I can tell you that this week we are blowing off some of our weekly regulars, inducting some new icons into the nogoodforme Style Icon pantheon, throwing down some party jams, and God knows what else. We're six, dudes, we are like GROWN.
Random Picture Entry: Winona Ryder, sometime back in the 90s
Did you know that Winona Ryder is Spock's mom? Well, not really, but she makes an appearance in the new Star Trek movie as Spock's human mom, wearing a weird costume and some really bad aging makeup. It was a bit sad, really -- there we were, a full audience on a Sunday in the theatre, and Winona pops up onscreen to a distinct twitter of laughter in the audience. Oh, Noni, how far you've fallen: from being the grunge era's pin-up to the moment of camp in an otherwise high-octane production.
Plenty of stars bounce back from plenty worse: rehab, drunk driving, beating up girlfriends/wives (super-pathetic on that last one). Winona hasn't quite been able to shake the whole shoplifting thing, but I've got a feeling her struggles are a combination of getting older in an industry that's brutal for women, her own eccentricity as a human being and getting mad fame during a time in her life when she should have been developing her craft as an actor. (Dude, knowing as many actorly types as I do from working in film, you don't know how heart-breaking it is to know all these super-talented Yale- and Julliard-trained actresses who have to constantly audition for these pathetic ingenue/bimbo/girfriend-as-window-dressing roles.) It makes stumbling upon these pictures of Winona kind of bittersweet in a strange way, 'cause doesn't she look so amazing in that quirky yet gorgeous way? I'm still in love with the whole vintage-dress-with-super-tough shoe thing that reached its apotheosis in the 90s; this picture is the perfect piece of evidence of why that look was so awesome. I'm still rooting for you, Noni...just don't be Spock's mom anymore. It is kind of distracting and really, really weird.
Here are some more Noni pics from that era:
One of my conceptions of heaven is indeed reading scripts in a hotel bed whilst wearing men's pajamas and still looking utterly fetching. (By the way, I LOVE THAT LAMPSHADE):
Noni and I play the same guitar! That makes us cosmic twins!
A Look Back at Dirty Dancing: Some Very Important Things We Failed to Pick Up On at Age 10
Last week, for the first time in at least ten years, I watched Dirty Dancing in its entirety. It's still really good! Frances "Baby" Houseman is one of the toughest teen-movie female leads I can think of; she's brainy and quietly sassy and takes no guff, even at the risk of coming off like a total stick-in-the-mud every now and again. And I dig that they chose pre-nose-job Jennifer Grey instead of having some conventionally hot actress rip off her glasses and let her hair down halfway through the movie. On the contrary, Baby's transformation is impressively subtle; she basically just starts wearing lipstick and doing that thing where you roll up the bottom of your t-shirt and then pull it through your neckline to achieve a rugged, down-home kind of sluttiness. Fierce!
Another thing about Dirty Dancing is it's not very dirty. It took me a while to convince my mom to let me see it, since all moms in the world were sure it was going to be The Raciest Movie Ever and possibly the ruin of every girl who "came of age" in the late '80s. Now it seems pretty sweet and tame, even with all the grinding and talk of "balling" (eww - I'm so glad that word means something else these days). In celebration of the movie's 22nd anniversary, which will take place about three months from now, here's a few more observations on Dirty Dancing:
1. MRS. SCHUMACHER IS SO THE STAR OF THE SHOW
What a little spitfire! Who would've guessed that this itty-bitty giggly grandma was wanted for theft in multiple states? Mrs. Schumacher was actually my number-one inspiration for this post, sort of: A little while back Rich gave her props on an installment of "Pot Psychology", and since then I've been hoping to spill the contents of my handbag all over the place just so I can sigh, "Such junk...such junk...!" Rich's impression is really good, FYI, and you should watch it right now (starting at around 0:28 of the vid below):
2. "NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER" IS NOT THE MOST QUOTABLE LINE IN THE MOVIE - NOT EVEN CLOSE
Neither is "I carried a watermelon," or "Go back to your playpen...Baby." In general, when quoting mega-popular movies, the more obscure the line, the greater the comedy factor. (For instance, never reference the Bill and Ted movies by shouting, "EXCELLENT!" or "69, dude!" - always go with a delightedly surprised, "I totally possessed my dad!" instead.) So next time you're out with a hot dude and he pulls some crazy stunt on par with bashing open a car window with a log, remember to throw your huge hair back and scream "You're WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILD!!!!" Then he will finally like you! Also, refer to all trampy married women as "bungalow bunnies," even if they don't live in bungalows. I myself live in a bungalow, and I promise not to be offended by the notion that all bungalow-dwellers are shameless tarts.
Fun fact: I totally own a "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner" t-shirt; it's marbley-grey and soooo soft and I wear it around the house so much, my UPS man probably think it's the only shirt in my entire wardrobe. Dirty Dancing t-shirts + yoga pants: the uniform of freelance champions.
3. LISA'S A-OKAY
Yes, we all laugh when she sings her shitty rendition of "Hula Hana of Kamana Whala Hula Bay", and it's so bitchy when she tells Baby: "You wouldn't care if I humped the entire army, as long as they were on the right side of the Ho Chi Minh Trail." But at the end of the day Lisa's got a good heart, and - as I try to convince my little sister whenever we fight about whether or not Sharon Cherski is a big lame-o - that's all that really matters. I'm glad she didn't lose it to Robbie the Creep, and I hope she and Billy ended up getting together and opening up a divey beach bar on the Jersey Shore, or something. I also really dig the part when she goes, "Where is my beige IRIDESCENT LIPSTICK??!" because (a) I'm so the type of girl who's always losing stuff and then going all aggro-whiny on everybody when I can't find it, and (b) beige iridescent lipstick actually sounds kind of awesome.
4. THIS IS DEFINITELY THE WORST PART
Actually, I totally knew that when I was 10. Note to Johnny Castle: "Guh-goon" is not what a heartbeat sounds like. It's more of a "lub-dub."
5. POINTING IS HOT, SOMEHOW
There's at least three moments in Dirty Dancing when Johnny points at Baby and gives her that one-finger "come hither" gesture, all the while smiling demonically like he's going to murder her. It's weird, but kinda hot. Incidentally, the dancing-on-the-log bit is maybe my favorite Johnny-Baby scene, mostly because it's the only part when they're just chill-ly enjoying each other's company instead of being all oppressed by society and shit. I think when I was little I assumed something like the dancing-on-the-log scene would happen to me when I grew up. I probably also thought I'd end up spending some summer afternoon practicing lifts in the lake with my boyfriend. Neither ever actually came to pass, but there's still time.
6. I WISH PEOPLE DANCED LIKE THIS MORE OFTEN
Laura Jane's Addiction: My New Little Camel Pal
Says Wikipedia, of camels:
"Camels are your bros! Camels are the sweetest bros you will ever know, especially when they are wee and stuffed with basmati rice. Camels, Camels, Camels! They are the best even-toed ungulate of all. Giraffes are jerks, especially Geoffrey the Giraffe. He is full of shit. He was recently re-branded, and sucks even more than he initially did, when celebrity Cancemini Laura Jane Faulds of nogoodforme.com was a tot, and she was terrified of him. Ignore giraffes at all costs, though deer are cool. But always go for the camel option, if it's available. They are the Brahms Lullaby of the Animal Kingdom."
Weird Wikipedia entry, right? I know! Cripes. Mr. Wikipedia must have been on drugs when he wrote that. But it is so true, so true, so true. I bought my new camel on Friday. I was running insanely behind schedule, and was literally running, like a racer. But then I spotted my camel out of the corner of my eye on a metal fold-up table in Kensington Market, and decided that the damage was done- there was at that point nothing I could do to make myself not be late, so I figured I might as well be one extra minute later, in the name of acquiring New Wee Camel.
He cost $1 CAD. Best dollar I ever spent.
PS: He also comes in navy blue.