Monday , November 16, 2009
Happy Birthday, Ray Davies!
Oh My God! It's Ray Davies' birthday today! CANCEMINI FORTNIGHT 2009 is in full effect!
In both theory and practice, Raymond Douglas Davies is the Ultimate Cancemini. In terms of actual birthdates, you can't be more Cancer/Gemini cusp-y than June 21st. In terms of actual Cancemini behaviors, you can't be more Cancer/Gemini cusp-y than Ray Davies. Homeboy's particularly erratic brand of emotional instability just screams Cancemini. Compared to Ray Davies, I am barely even Cancemini-esque at all. Compared to Ray Davies, I'm a Virgo.
I racked my brain all morning trying to figure out what my birthday present for Ray Davies could be. I listened to "Autumn Almanac" really loud and danced cool-ly in my bedroom to it, but that didn't seem good enough. I already wrote him the best thing I've ever written and think about him constantly; that doesn't really require any special birthday effort on my end. And then I realized:
Ray Davies, my birthday gift to you is myself. I have offered myself to you on nogoodforme.com before, but to no avail. Why? Why, Ray Davies? Why do you not want a kicky twenty-four year old concubine who will worship you, inspire you, and make you tea? Are you secretly gay or something? That seems like the only explanation.
Sorry, Ray Davies, I don't mean to clog up your birthday tribute post with petty allegations about your sexuality. I just really want to be your younger lover! I would do such a good job at it! I would call you "Dude," and it would make you feel young again. I can make you happy, Ray Davies. Why are you so blind to this? Why am I only attracted to unavailable men? Why am I only attracted to unavailable men who are sixty-five and the lead singer of the Kinks? Why do I never get what I want? Why is this dweeby message board debate about "Arthur" vs. the Beatles so cool to me? How much is a shilling worth? What time is it? What is a birthday?
So many questions, but only one solution- becoming Ray Davies' concubine.
Now, let us all watch "Apeman," and swoon.
Tags: becoming Ray Davies' concubine, birthdays, Cancemini Fortnight, Canceminis, Cancer-Gemini cusps, french kissing, Laura, Laura loves The Kinks, Ray Davies, Ray Davies is a genius, Ray Davies' front-teeth gap, Ray Davies: The Ultimate Cancemini, Ray-Davies-Perfect, Raymond Douglas Davies
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Posted by Laura in Birthdays |
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1 Comments!!
Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)
Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."
This is so totally weird but I think Ray Davies and I are related. No.....seriously. My family (Welsh on my dad's side) dropped the e in Davies because the heatherns kept calling us Daveeees instead of Davis a couple of generations ago. What's also weird is that for some reason birthdates of June 21 are passed down from male to female so that my uncle was born 6/21, then I 6/21, then my nephew 6/21, etc. WOW. All I can say is...RAY YOU ARE MY MAN. I love you, brother.
Linda Kay Davis in Atlanta
By Linda Kay Davis on July 31, 2009 10:30 PM