Monday , November 16, 2009
LIZ AND LJ ON: Baby Liz and Baby LJ!
This is kinda the "Muppet Babies" edition of LIZ AND LJ ON, a heart-meltingly cute look at what Liz and LJ were like before they grew up to put on their absurdist song-and-dance variety show/write blog posts about wanting to make out with Marilyn Manson and Tommy Lee. Sadly, since they were born about seven and half years apart, Liz and LJ never got to be animal orphans together and ride around the nursery in a cardboard box while pretending to be in an Indiana Jones movie. Maybe they'll try that whenever they're next in the same city together, to make up for lost time and stuff. In the meanwhile...
LIZ ON LIZ: The two most important things about this photo are that (1) I'm wearing pigtails, and I still wear pigtails and (2) my stuffed lamb was called Hullace, a name I made up all by myself. Isn't that so weird and fantastic? Hullace! Sometime around this age I also decided that all "rabbits who are artists" should be called "Delvert." I was such an amazing child.
LJ ON LIZ: You all know she's just making this up, right? Babies don't know what artists are. I'm really into how far up Baby Liz's righthand pigtail stretches. It's pretty punk rock, for a baby.
LIZ ON LJ ON LIZ: Ummm, I'M SO NOT MAKING THIS UP! Call my mom and ask her; she looooooves to tell the Delvert story. Her cell phone number's the same as mine, but the last digit's a 1 instead of a 3.
LJ ON LJ: Baby Laura's manic smile and psychotic eye-glint give much weight to the "nature" side of the age-old "nature vs. nurture" debate. This is the eighteen-month-old equivalent of how I look after drinking half a pitcher of sangria, listening to "I Am The Walrus" seventeen times on headphones, and run-swaggering home to go write some essay called "If The Beastie Boys Were a Kinks Song on 'Ludes They'd Actually be Band On The Run," or something. Way to "John Lennon it", Baby Laura!
LIZ ON LJ: Sometime in college I went through this weird phase of sending everybody those bizarro Anne Geddes greeting cards all the time, mostly because I legitimately believed they were totally adorable. Little did stupid collegiate me know that three fat babies wearing fuzzy bunny suits and stuffed inside a pink Easter basket have got nothing on the total adorableness that is LJ wearing a fuzzy blanket and stuffed into her high chair! And how!
LIZ ON LIZ: I wish I still had this pink fur coat, and those saddle shoes, and maybe even that little gap betwixt my two front teeth. ORTHODONTURE SMORTHODONTURE.
LJ ON LIZ: If there's one thing in this world I can't resist, it's a good front-teeth gap. Elizabeth Barker: The Ray Davies of Babies!
LJ ON LJ: Why can't my hair look like that TODAY? Why can't I be wearing that killer Hawaii t-shirt RIGHT NOW? Why do I STILL get juice all over my face like that when I drink juice? Baby Laura's eyes look really soulful in this picture. You can tell that this is like, my fifty trillionth life, and that I'm definitely NOT going to grow up to be a Normie Bitch. You know?
LIZ ON LJ: I wish I were wearing that killer Hawaii t-shirt right now too! However, I never ever get juice all over my face when I drink juice. Maybe LJ will finally get the hang of juice-drinking by the time she reaches my age.
LIZ ON LIZ: I also still wish I had my Chutes & Ladders game that I got this Christmas, which I'm guessing was maybe 1982?
LJ ON LIZ: If this child was the child of a friend of mine, or anyone, really- even not a friend of mine- I would look the friend/non-friend dead in the eye, shake my head slowly, and say, very seriously, "What a beautiful little girl you have." YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???
LJ ON LJ: My Beatles Haircut! My hair NATURALLY grew into a Beatles haircut! Life's so cosmic. This photograph was taken on Easter '89. The bunny I am holding is named "Gaby." She had a "sister" named "Greta." Mere moments after I ate these Rice Krispies, I found Greta behind the toilet, which is where that sick fuck the Easter Bunny hid her. There is video footage of me from this day letting the camera know that I found Greta in the bathroom, where she was "going poo poo." Then, I laugh hysterically.
LIZ ON LJ: When I first glimpsed this shot, I thought to myself, "OMG, there's LJ eating her mom's famed white rice with milk and white sugar!", and got so stoked to see a nogoodforme superlative-captured memory come to photographic life. But yeah, clearly it's the ol' Snap, Crackle & Pop and not white rice; oh wellskis. Also, I think it's really funny that LJ just typed "poo poo" on nogoodforme.com. At one point we considered baby-talking our way through this entry, but I guess that's the closest we're gonna get. That was weawy siwwy of us to dwop the ball wike dat. Gaga googoo gaga!
LIZ ON LIZ: The coolest thing about this pic is I'm dressed like a Beastie Boy circa the Hello Nasty tour, sort of. Last week I showed it to my brother (who's 11 years younger than me) and he was like, "What the hell are you wearing???!!!" - which is a good q, but an even better q is: Why is this Easter Bunny so creepy and alien-like? He's like three degrees less terrifying than Frank from Donnie Darko. I'm so glad I had my weird Beastie spacesuit to protect me!
LJ ON LIZ: Whoa, dude. The Easter Bunny really is a sick fuck. I'm particularly into this Baby Barker pic because you can so see that she's gonna grow to be Adult Barker!
LJ ON LJ: Isn't it funny how DUMB little kids are? Way to not be able to grasp the concept of "a photobooth", Baby Laura. It's so obvious I have no idea what the hell is going on here. The smile in the final frame was clearly coaxed out of me by my Mother from outside. Good call, Mom. To me, Baby Laura always looks like she should be named "Chippewa."
LIZ ON LJ: Yeah, Baby LJ's being a total blockhead here, but the good news is she's gotten supersmart about photoboothing as the years have gone by. Just look at this killer shot of me and LJ and Emily "Switchfoot" Richmond, taken last January when Laura came to town. Clearly Emily Richmond's the blockhead in this one - we were doing "in love" faces, and that's what ol' Switchfoot came up with. (Although, to be fair, I should note that my own "in love" face is the exact same as my "I'm so surprised!" face in the previous shot on the photobooth strip.)
LIZ ON LIZ: When I was five, or maybe six, I had hair like the Beatles. I dressed like a boy! And I could roller skate? I have zero rollerskating memories, except for the time at Paddlewheel Pizza (the roller rink + animatronic-singing-animal cabaret + pizza place where I had at least one birthday) when I fell down and got knocked in the head by some other asshole's skates. Nowadays everyone always to take me to that glow-in-the-dark roller rink place in Glendale and I'm all, "FUCK NO, DUDE! Who wants to get kicked in the head?"
LJ ON LIZ: For crying out loud, this one's just a bit too much. SO CUTE! Beatle Haircuts on Babies= probably the best look of all-time? I am a little bit worried that this post might "break the Internet." It may collapse beneath the weight of all the MAXIMUM ADORABILITY. Way to play it, Baby Liz. I want to rock you to sleep and read you "Goodnight, Moon." Is that creepy?
LJ ON LJ: I'm like, "Fuck all y'all motherfuckers. Y'all think it's easy, being two? Fuck that. I've seen shit. See this food on my face? See this scar on my cheek? I may be a baby, but I live hard."
LIZ ON LJ: Also it's awesome that LJ's wearing a great big barrette in her hair. It lets us all know that when life is hard and there's food on your face and scars on your cheeks, you gotta just shine it on and keep on sparkling like a silvery star - even in the bubble bath! Especially in the bubble bath, actually. What a visionary, that Baby LJ!
Tags: babies, Beatles hair, bunnies, Delverts, Elizabeth Barker, Emily Richmond, good hair, Laura Jane Faulds, Laura loves the Kinks, Muppet Babies, photobooths, scars, The Beastie Boys
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5 Comments!!
Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)
Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."
I wonder when will be the next time we'll use the "Delverts" tag.
Probably ngfmix: All Time Favorite Delverts! I claim one of these guys:
http://www.clt.astate.edu/sparks/book%20images/Volume%202/Vol%202%20Iss%202/Let%27s%20Make%20Rabbits.jpg
By Laura
on October 19, 2009 11:51 AM
i can still see the original Delvert in my mind - he was very debonair and wore some kind of fancy sport coat.
did you call my mom yet?
By Liz
on October 19, 2009 12:41 PM
can you please make a series out of this?!
By melanie on October 19, 2009 1:18 PM
No, I'm waiting til I'm really wasted
By Laura
on October 19, 2009 5:50 PM
this whole entry kills me with its adorability!!! gah!!
By Kat
on October 20, 2009 1:13 AM