Wednesday , November 11, 2009
cookies are awesome
Laura Jane Contemplates the Relative Banality of Oreos
I try to do most of my eating at places where you can buy a certain number of things and then they give you a free one of those things. It's so validating when they hole-punch the little picture of the cup of coffee. It permits you to exclaim-think, "I'm a financially responsible super-saver!" And then, you get to live that magical day, when you wake up smiling and remember: today is the day I get "my free one"! On the day I got my free slice of cake at Future Bakery, I impulsively ordered Oreo cheesecake, because it was one of the most decadent available options. It made logical sense to me that I should really go to town ("Decadence Town") with my free one. Bad call, Laura Jane. The first thing that sucked about "my free one" was that the dude cut me the most bullshit slice of cake I've ever seen in my life. It was miserly. The second thing that sucked about "my free one" was that it sucked. Except for the Oreo on top! It had been aeons since I'd last eaten an Oreo! What a mistake! Oreos are simply delicious. There are few things in this world more revolting to me than the thought of drinking a straight glass of milk, unless there are Oreos involved. This must mean something huge about the deliciousness of Oreos. What's more- Oreos are in crosswords a lot! (Laura Jane)
Urban Herbivore Chocolate CHIPS (Because the word "chunks" is gross)
If you are interested in stalking me, a good locale to stake out would be Urban Herbivore, the greatest restaurant in the history of the Universe. I don't go to Urban Herbivore every day, but I do go there most days, and the days I don't are definitely haunted by its absence. I treat Urban Herbivore like it's my own home. I usually look like total shit when I go there. I go there with wet hair constantly. Here are some notes on Urban Herbivore cookies I scribbled down while wildly stoned last night: "The barbecue tofu tastes like Zoodles. But the cookies. Dude. The COOKIES! Literally best cookies ever? Hearty. Banana bread-y. The way the chocolate melts. These bad boys were like born to be dipped in coffee. Write write-up as if stoned?" (Laura Jane)
Starbucks Polar Bear Cookies Redux
There is no law stating that you can't write about Starbucks polar bear cookies twice in one week. Less than one week. I am inspired by Starbucks polar bear cookies. I am inspired by Starbucks. I want to write an essay called "If The Beatles Were Starbucks," and have it be the best thing I've ever written. But anyway, yeah, Starbucks polar bear cookies are my jam. Today I was eating one, and I thought to myself "It's going to be so awful when winter's over and I don't get to eat Starbucks polar bear cookies anymore!" I can safely say that this was the first time I've ever thought the sentence "It's going to be so awful when winter's over." It's going to be such a trip come November 2010 when I eat a Starbucks polar bear cookie for the first time in like ever, and feel an insane rush of nostalgia for November 2009. I triple-dog-dare every single person reading this to go eat a Starbucks polar bear cookie today. DO IT!!! (Laura Jane)
I Google-imaged "starbucks polar bear" and this was one of the results it gave me. I decided I wanted a picture of a baby polar bear on my blog more than I wanted a picture of an ugly cookie that you probably see every day at Starbucks anyway, so: YOU'RE WELCOME
The kind you could get at my high school cafeteria:
While I was in this phase of my life, I came up with the brilliant idea of staging elaborate Friendship Ceremonies with my best girlfriends- sort of like the time Carrie Bradshaw married herself so that Tatum O'Neal would buy her new shoes, only less lame. I pitched this idea to my great pal Jenny, and we decided that our Friendship Ceremony would involve smoking a ton of weed, taking public transit to our old high school, and eating "caf cookies" at our high school cafeteria. Since graduation, Jenny are yet to hang out with once without lamenting the inadequacy of post-caf cookies existence. Caf cookies were necessarily chocolate-chip, and cost either sixty cents or two for a dollar. But the best way to eat them was to share four with one of your babes, off a translucent paper napkin soaked through with cookie-grease. Caf cookies were amazing because they were dough. They were slightly, slightly cooked around the edges, but the middles were straight dough. When you stacked up four of them, they would mush together in the center. They were so sloppy and hard to eat, but who really cares about these things when you are stoned and sixteen and at school? I didn't. I still don't. Caf cookies= "literally best cookies ever." (Laura Jane)
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