Thursday , July 15, 2010
nogoodforme ix: Favorite Cookies!
LAURA JANE CONTEMPLATES THE RELATIVE BANALITY OF OREOS
I try to do most of my eating at places where you can buy a certain number of things and then they give you a free one. It's so validating when they hole-punch the little picture of the cup of coffee into your coffee card. It permits you to exclaim-think, "I'm a financially responsible super-saver!" And then, you get to live that magical day when you wake up smiling and remember: today is the day I get "my free one"! On the day I got my free slice of cake at Future Bakery, I impulsively ordered Oreo cheesecake, because it made logical sense to me that I should go to town ("Decadence Town") with my free one. Bad call, Laura Jane. The first thing that sucked about "my free one" was that the dude cut me the most bullshit slice of cake I've ever seen in my life. Miserly. The second thing that sucked about "my free one" was that it sucked. Except for the Oreo on top! It had been aeons since I'd last eaten an Oreo- what a mistake! Oreos are simply delicious. There are few things in this world more revolting to me than drinking a straight glass of milk, unless there are Oreos involved. This must mean something huge about the deliciousness of Oreos. What's more- Oreos are in crosswords a lot! (Laura Jane)
GIRL SCOUT THIN MINTS
I forget whose idea it was to do cookies for this edition of nogoodformeix, but at first I was like, "Huh?" Because I'm not a baked goods kind of girl, except for brownies, and my favorite sweets are either lemon drops, Sour Patch Kids or anything gooey, creamy and/or cold. But give me a box of Thin Mints and it takes me right back to my own Girl Scout days. I miss Girl Scouts! I get all corny when I remember going to camp, sewing on my badges, saying the Girl Scout promise and law, getting my uniform....awwwwwwwww. I'm like a puddle of mush right now, but luckily it's Girl Scout cookie season in about a month for me soon. I plan to order as many boxes that can fit into my freezer and eat them in about a week. (Kat)
URBAN HERBIVORE CHOCOLATE CHIPS (BECAUSE THE WORD "CHUNKS" IS GROSS)
If you are interested in stalking me, a good locale to stake out would be Urban Herbivore, the greatest restaurant on the planet. I don't go to Urban Herbivore every day, but I do go there most days, and the days I don't are definitely haunted by its absence. I treat Urban Herbivore like it's my own home; I go there with wet hair constantly. Here are some notes on Urban Herbivore cookies I scribbled down while wildly stoned last night: "The barbecue tofu tastes like Zoodles. But the cookies. Dude. The COOKIES! Literally best cookies ever? Hearty. Banana bread-esque! The way the chocolate melts. These bad boys were like born to be dipped in coffee. Write write-up as if stoned?" (Laura Jane)
THE RASPBERRY ROSE MACARONS I ATE THE DAY I WENT TO SEE MARIE ANTOINETTE
"Oh will she shut up about the goddamn raspberry rose macarons already?!!!" you all cry in unison. Okay, yeah, sure, but first let me say for the last time ever that going to Boule and buying a little blue box of raspberry rose macarons and then taking them to the theater to see Marie Antoinette was one of the three smartest things I've ever done. A few other "smart cookie" moments of mine from recent years: the afternoon last summer when I skipped work and took my buddy from outta town to Venice for I Love You, Man fish tacos and we got a plate of warm sugar-dusted chocolate chip cookies for dessert; the morning three falls ago when I'd just had the best date evs and my friend and I went to the Downbeat Cafe for a "dish session" and split one of their ginormous peanut butter cookies; anything involving Uncle Eddie's Vegan Cookies, especially the oatmeal raisin; the time I went to the rollerderby for a bachelorette party and got a Nutty Bavarian Love Biscuit from the Freshly Baked stand and then gave lots of people Freshly Baked cookies for Christmas. And I think that's it. (Liz)
MY MOM'S CHOCOLATE PUDDING COOKIES
My mom used to make these cookies called Chocolate Pudding Cookies; they had chocolate pudding in them, or maybe just chocolate pudding mix. Sometimes she'd send me back to school with a whole tin and I'd share with my friends, because once in a blue moon I'm good at sharing. One night sophomore year I went down to my friend's room with the tin of Chocolate Pudding Cookies and she had a boy over, some total dreamboat who had the best bluejeans and used to do this real debonair thing of putting girls' cigarettes in their mouth for them when they asked to bum a smoke. (Trust me: it was COOL NOT SLEAZY.) So I gave a cookie to the boy and he took a bite, declared it too rich, then put the rest in the ashtray and ashed on it. It's probably the worst thing I've ever seen anybody do. (Liz)
STARBUCKS POLAR BEAR COOKIES REDUX
There is no law stating that you can't write about Starbucks polar bear cookies twice in one week. Less than one week. I am inspired by Starbucks polar bear cookies. I am inspired by Starbucks. I want to write an essay called "If The Beatles Were Starbucks," and have it be the best thing I've ever written. But anyway, yeah, Starbucks polar bear cookies are my jam. Today I was eating one, and I thought to myself, "It's going to be so terrible when winter's over and I don't get to eat Starbucks polar bear cookies anymore!" I can safely say that this was the first time I've ever thought the sentence "It's going to be so terrible when winter's over." It's going to be such a trip come November 2010 when I eat a Starbucks polar bear cookie for the first time in like ever, and feel an insane rush of nostalgia for November 2009. I triple-dog-dare every single person reading this to go eat a Starbucks polar bear cookie today. DO IT!!! (Laura Jane)
I Google-imaged "starbucks polar bear" and this was one of the results it gave me. I decided I wanted a picture of a baby polar bear on my blog more than I wanted a picture of an ugly cookie that you probably see every day at Starbucks anyway, so: YOU'RE WELCOME
KEEBLER SOFT BATCH COOKIES
This was my favorite childhood cookie. My sisters and I used to gobble them up, and my mom had to hide them from us like they were crack. 'Cause that's what they were: kid crack. During my first year of film school, i.e., the craziest shit-crazy crazy year of my life, I got nostalgic for them, ate a quarter of a package and became sad because they were just not the same as I remembered! (I went through this with Cheetos Corn Puffs as well.) I guess being the cynosure of my entire childhood is just too much weight for a humble cookie to carry. Man, life can be so depressing! (Kat)
THE KIND YOU COULD GET AT MY HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA
While I was in this phase of my life, I came up with the brilliant idea of staging elaborate Friendship Ceremonies with my best girlfriends- sort of like the time Carrie Bradshaw married herself so that Tatum O'Neal would buy her new shoes, only less lame. I pitched this idea to my great pal Jenny, and we decided that our Friendship Ceremony would involve smoking a ton of weed, taking public transit to our old high school, and eating "caf cookies" at our high school cafeteria. Since graduating, Jenny and I have yet to hang out with once without lamenting the inadequacy of post-caf cookies existence. Caf cookies were necessarily chocolate-chip, and cost either sixty cents or two for a dollar. But the best way to eat them was to share four with one of your babes, off a translucent paper napkin soaked through with cookie-grease. Caf cookies were amazing because they were dough. They were slightly, slightly cooked around the edges, but the middles were straight dough. When you stacked up four of them, they would mush together in the center. They were so sloppy and hard to eat, but who really cares about these things when you are stoned and sixteen and at school? I didn't. I still don't. Caf cookies= "literally best cookies ever." (Laura Jane)
THE LIFETHYME NATURAL MARKET VEGAN RASPBERRY TOOLBOOTH COOKIE LAURA SENT ME IN THE MAIL TWO SUMMERS AGO
Have you ever gotten a cookie in the mail? Not like a whole package of cookies that you ordered from somewhere, but just one big beautiful cookie sealed up in an envelope also holding the power animal pin your fellow nogoodforme-ers so adorably snagged for you on a jaunt to Sodafine? I have, I have! And it's bliss. It's weird cuz I remember exactly what the cookie tasted like but not in a way I could ever describe to you: It's just a feeling, a golden groovy feeling. What happened was I checked my mail on the way to a party, ate a bit of the Lifethyme Natural Market Vegan Raspberry Toolbooth Cookie, put the cookie in my bag, went to the party, got pretty stoned maybe, and then came home and ate more cookie and wrote this big thing about how "each of us has a 'spiritual age' that exists separately from our actual biological age" and how "once you're able to work out what your true spiritual age might be, you should be allowed to exist at that age through all eternity and infinitely possess the same intensity of awakeness/aliveness that was with you in your most awake/alive year." Which is almost the same as when Paul McCartney got stoned for the first time and decided "THERE ARE SEVEN LEVELS," maybe. Anyway, here's a another photo of Paul McCartney, this time with the Cookie Monster and some dude named Charlie whose Flickr I ganked the pic from. Sorry, Charlie! (Liz)
Tags: boys, caf cookies, Carrie Bradshaw, Cookie Monster, cookies, drugz, food, free shit rules, Friendship Ceremonies, Marie Antoinette, marijuana, moms, Oreos, Paul McCartney, polar bear cookies, polar bears, rollerderby, Starbucks, Venice Beach, Zoodles
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13 Comments!!
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it was my idea to do cookies! i am a genius.
By Liz
on November 11, 2009 12:17 PM
The cookies post is awesome. I'm inspired to eat some of my favorite cookies now-- the ginger flavored oreo knock offs from Newman's Own (seriously, you'd think they're like bland vanilla creme Sunday school cookies, but they're amazing). Also, the cookie monster picture makes me so happy!
By elo on November 11, 2009 12:30 PM
This post inspired me to go buy some of my favorite autumn cookies: ginger molasses. I am enjoying them at this very moment!
By Becky on November 11, 2009 4:59 PM
You told me that "putting cigarettes in girls' mouths" anecdote when I was like sixteen and it has been my Ultimate Hot Thing A Dude Could Do EVER SINCE. I'm sure you know that
By Laura
on November 11, 2009 6:25 PM
I went to the five starbucks that exist within a three block radius of my place of employment and NONE of them carried polar bear cookies.
By nadine on November 11, 2009 8:37 PM
i didn't know that, actually! i forgot i told you that anecdote.
i too went to starbucks in search of polar bear cookies today and my search was fruitless. FRUITLESS! BEARLESS!
By Liz
on November 11, 2009 9:53 PM
That sucks, you guys, maybe they are a Canada-only thing. Nah no way. Keep looking. You'll find the polar bears.
PS: Barker, what's your spiritual age? More importantly, what's MY spiritual age? MOST importantly, what are the Beatles' spiritual ages?
By Laura
on November 11, 2009 11:05 PM
my spiritual age is 25. i don't know yours or anybody else's! i think only the individual can ever know.
By Liz
on November 12, 2009 12:27 AM
I went and got oreos yesterday after reading this. This website is starting to have a slightly ridiculous affect on my life. However, I have always been the real life cookie monster.
By julia on November 12, 2009 7:31 PM
Awesome call on the Oreos, Julia. I really like the Golden ones too
By Laura
on November 12, 2009 11:31 PM
I have just realised that my spiritual age must be 16. This is a bit depressing, but in the grand scheme of things, not so bad. You North Americans, continentally speaking, have the best cookies. I think we have 'biscuits'.
By Sylvia on November 13, 2009 9:26 AM
Total win on the LifeThyme Tollbooth cookies - that place is heaven.
By Elise on November 13, 2009 2:38 PM
HANG ON, are caf cookies the same in every high school in Ontario?? Those sound just like the ones at my high school, so undercooked I'm surprised we didn't all die of salmonella... omg I want one so bad right now.
By Erin on November 15, 2009 5:43 PM