Sunday , June 13, 2010
nogoodforme Superlatives: Our Most Dramatic Shifts in Sex And The City Opinions
I'M NOT A CHARLOTTE BUT I LIKE HER BEST ANYWAY
When "Sex and the City" first started, I liked Carrie and loathed Charlotte. I thought Carrie was free-spirited, whimsical and funny, and Charlotte was uptight, annoying and way too Rules-y for me to enjoy her as a character. By the time the show ended, though, the reverse was true: I adored Charlotte and was rooting for her to have her happy ending, and everytime a Carrie-centric scene popped on, I left the room in a froth of annoyance and waited till my friends told me the Carrieness was over so I could come back in and watch the show. (I kid you not. I did this.) I know I'm supposed to identify with Carrie 'cause I'm Carrie-like in circumstance: I'm swingin' and single, I'm in my 30s, I write, I love clothes and I live in fucking glorious New York City, although NOT in as nice apartment like Carrie had. (How the hell did she swing that? Was she a call girl for a year or something?) But the idea of being remotely Carrie Bradshaw-like fills me with sheer utter existential horror -- I would rather be condemned to a perma-singleness full of cats and striped socks than be anything like the childish, narcissistic exemplar of selfishness and self-centeredness that Carrie turned into at the end. But enough about Carrie, who I really don't care about except when people who barely know me say, "Oh, you're just like Carrie Bradshaw!" and it makes me want to puke my face off into their unimaginative maws. I care about Charlotte! Charlotte's transformation to perky, kinda annoying traditionalist to happy, accepting, fulfilled wife and mother is, to me, is the real miracle of "Sex and the City." (It really is a miracle, 'cause in real life I am generally uninterested in fulfilling those roles for myself in any normal way.) Charlotte had a real hero's journey of "Sex and the City," mirroring a shift in attitude that many women I know in real life need to go through before they find true fulfillment in relationships: the idea that you have this ideal or checklist of a dream partner in life, but have to let that go in order to let real, genuine, lasting love and trust into your life. (Hey, I'm in my 30s, I get to say stentorian older-sister stuff like this because it's been playing out with me and my girlfriends for awhile now.) The high irony is that Charlotte got exactly what she thought she wanted in a partner with her first marriage: she got to marry Special Agent Dale Cooper! Kidding, but she married the handsome, successful, rich dude she'd always envisioned for herself up to that point. And you know what? It totally sucked. It was the entirely wrong thing for her, because she forgot some juicy elements she needed to really make a relationship work: passion, fun, that whole idea of someone being crazy for you and vice versa, and a shared sense of adventure. She had to overcome a lot of her own small-mindedness and received ideas to be able to find love with Harry Goldenblatt, but damn, I'm glad she did, because who didn't cry buckets at the end of the show when she found out they were going to adopt a baby girl from China? (Buckets, I tell you, fucking buckets.) I love how Charlotte never gave up on her vision of fulfillment. The eternal optimist and romantic, she always hoped and dreamed and believed, and she found someone who maybe wasn't a Prince Charming -- but was her true love nonetheless. Oh, fuck, I need to go cry now! Charlotte, I'm so happy for you! (Kat)
CARRIE BRADSHAW SHOULD HAVE THROWN A BIG GULP AT MR. BIG'S FACE
Oh, Big*. He's a strapping stockbroker, a tall drink of water. They share cigarettes after sex. "Abso-fuckin'-lutely" is a magnificent catchphrase, and it was abso-fuckin'-lutely awesome when he punched Aleksandr Petrovksy in the face.
As an impressionable sixteen-year-old irrationally compelled by the pursuit of glamour, a self-identified "Carrie" with an insatiable appetite for self-destruction, I deemed Carrie and Big's epic relationship "the shit." Having never known romantic love, I mistakenly believed that the greatest love stories should be bloody and bombastic; "no pain, no gain." Five years of game-playing and histrionics sounded so "worth it" to me. It worked for Carrie Bradshaw, after all!
I haven't watched Sex and the City in like eight billion years, except for the Jack Berger episodes (because Jack Berger is the only Carrie Bradshaw love interest who doesn't BLOW), but, based on my long-term memory, here is a list of all the assy shit Big did to Carrie over the course of Satc's duration (and movie): he never told her he loved her, was emotionally unavailable, was a dick about it that time she wore Cookie Monster jammies and adorably brought him McDonald's, moved to Paris like a douchebag, married a Normie Bitch in Paris, ruined her functional relationship with Aidan (who was a tool, but nice at least) by bullying her into an affair, showed up at Aidan's idyllic summer home pathetically drunk while mooning over a movie star, annoyingly sang "New York State Of Mind", which was CREEPY, moved to Napa, bullied her into a creepy phone-sex relationship, probably some other fucked-up shit, ABANDONED her at the altar, more fucked-up shit, wasn't that hot, sucked generally, sucked, was an asshole, etc.
Wow, doesn't that sound "fun"? Doesn't that sound like the behavior of the man you should eventually MARRY? No. The Big/Carrie relationship is a fallacy. In real life, he never would have rescued her from spry-yet-evil Aleksandr Petrovsky's Parisian death-grip. He would have stayed an asshole, because you can't teach an old asshole new non-asshole-y tricks. Not that I think Carrie Bradshaw is the greatest person in the world or anything, but she definitely deserves better than some flabby old guy who treats her like a disposable fucking camera.
One of the most annoying cultural ramifications of Sex and the City's massive popularity is that it has ignited a general "Assholes vs. Nice Guys" debate amongst women. Hey, guess what, guys- DON'T PICK THE ASSHOLE. Why are assholes even up for consideration? IT IS NOT OKAY TO FORGIVE A MAN FOR TREATING YOU THE WAY BIG TREATED CARRIE, so don't look to Big and Carrie's relationship as a means of justifying the crappiness of your own Tragical Shitstery Tour.
Instead, throw a Big Gulp at that motherfucker's face. Speaking of throwing Big Gulps at motherfuckers' faces, I personally wish I could throw a Big Gulp at SatC creator Darren "Dumbass" Star's head for propagating this misogynistic bullshit to such a vast female audience. I ain't sixteen anymore, Myutes. (Laura Jane)
*WHY IS HE NAMED THAT???
ROGER STERLING WAS THE BEST CARRIE BOYFRIEND
Hey, I already wrote my heart out about how Sex and The City fucked up my shit, and it was really good and kinda exhaustive, and now I never need to write emotionally about Carrie Bradshaw ever again. Thank heavens for small favors!
But yeah, opinion shifts. Like Kat, I started out on Team Carrie but ended up claiming Charlotte as my fave, which was so smart of me. And like Laura, I used to majorly dig on Big, and whenever the Big Vs. Aidan argument came up in conversation I'd get violently annoyed at anyone who took Aidan's side. Aidan's aggro-whiny as all get-out, and so's Berger, whom I also detest. The only thing good about Berger is he's Ron Livingston. And I hate Aleksandr Petrovsky's stupid boring guts too, but, yeah: Big's the worst of the lot, because of everything I already said, and everything Laura said too. Basically, EVERYONE CARRIE EVER SERIOUSLY DATED WAS SO AWFUL. So here are five (minor) Carrie boyfriends that are comparatively less awful:
ROGER STERLING. The whole "Please pee on me" thing is maybe a little off-putting, I guess, but dude: It's Roger Sterling! How'd he ever end up with Carrie Bradshaw anyway? That's quite a fall from Joan Holloway. Which Mad Man do you think Carrie Bradshaw would actually date, BTW? It's sure not Don Draper; there's no way he'd ever stand for all that yammering. Maybe Ken Cosgrove?
VINCE VAUGHN AS CARRIE FISHER'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT. Because it's Vince Vaughn, and because of when he says "That's such a disconnect." Which is totally how people in L.A. talk, by the way. Also, no one eats their food; we just chew it for a while and then spit it into our napkins.
THE DUDE WHOSE APARTMENT CARRIE RANSACKS WHEN HE LEAVES HER THERE ALONE ONE MORNING. And then he catches her and it turns out she's the freak in the situation - because the episode's titled "Freak Show," and therefore anything that happens to anyone must somehow be freak-related. I don't remember a damn thing about him except he seemed like Carrie Bradshaw's one shot at dating anyone halfway decent, so that's pretty sad for Carrie. Also, I was recently left alone in a dude's flat for a bit and thought to myself: "Wouldn't it be weird if I ransacked his apartment like Carrie Bradshaw did on the 'Freak Show' episode of 'Sex and the City'?" But I didn't, because I'm not a crazy asshole. You would've been so proud!
TIMOTHY OLYPHANT AS SAM THE TWENTYSOMETHING. Oh, Timothy Olyphant is so cute. I miss when he used to do the sports report on Indie 103.1 in the morning, when Indie used to exist. And it's so endearing how he starts to tell Carrie about his dream the morning after their sleepover, especially the part where he goes "I had these BIG HANDS!!" And then Carrie's such a bitch and keeps whining about coffee and then screams because Sam's roommate has long hair. What a judgmental stick-in-the-mud. Here's that scene in Russian:
Oh, gosh, I can't think of a fifth. The sailor from Fleet Week was cool, I guess. I'm also kind of fond of Jon Bon Jovi, as an actor. Everyone else is just the pits. Miranda got all the best ones, except for Harry Goldenblatt, so good for her. (Liz)
Tags: assholes, assholes suck, Big, Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Don Draper, Los AngeLIES, misogyny, myutes, RIP Indie 103.1, Roger Sterling, Sex and the City
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as soon as i realized Roger Sterling was The Dude That Wanted Carrie Bradshaw To Pee On Him, i could never completely forget it. and i think Carrie Bradshaw deserves Pete Campbell. just sayin'
By rob on November 18, 2009 5:53 PM
this post is fucking COOL
By Laura
on November 18, 2009 6:35 PM
rob: i'm actually perversely drawn to pete campbell, and will be really upset if carrie bradshaw steals him away from me. but more on that later...
By Liz
on November 18, 2009 6:55 PM
LOL AT TRAGICAL SHITSTERY TOUR
By a on November 18, 2009 8:08 PM
So with you on the Olyphant comment! Indie started circling the drain when Joe disappeared from the morning show!!!
By Hannah on November 19, 2009 1:31 AM
I loved Charlotte too - she was the only one who told Carrie what she was doing was wrong when she cheated on Aidan with Big. A real friend tells you the truth, even if it's not necessarily what you want to hear.
By Connie on November 19, 2009 2:39 AM
hannah: i never warmed up to joe and was always so bitter about his having replaced dickie barrett! those were the good ol' days, man...
By Liz
on November 19, 2009 12:15 PM
Oh my God.
Marry me! Somebody just posted this link on my blog. I just wrote a post (it's the intro to a book proposal) about how Sex & The City has ruined women in New York City. And, like you, I cringe when people hear what I do and say, "Oh. Just Like Carrie Bradshaw." Because, yep, I am a little like Carrie. More than I'd care to admit. But I absolutely agree with you in the shift between hating Charlotte and totally loving her after the series ended. Probably because of how many women tried to be Carrie Bradshaw 2.0.
I wrote basically what you wrote...that Big and Carrie were a god damn train wreck, but deserved each other because they were both such emotionally stunted narcissists.
Only Charlotte and Miranda evolved over the course of the series. They got it. They realized that it wasn't about settling for less it was about deciding what is really important in a partner. Carrie and Samantha? Still a mess, still terrified to be vulnerable, still completely selfish and self-absorbed.
I loved this post. Glad to know I'm not the only one out there.
And Roger Sterling is the shit!
The link to the post is here:
http://moxieblog.typepad.com/atwysprivate/2009/11/intro.html
By Moxie on November 19, 2009 6:43 PM
this is like, my favourite post ever.
the dude whose apartment carrie ransacked was pretty awesome...
liz; i'm perversely drawn to pete campbell too...=/
By jenn. on November 20, 2009 4:10 PM
'Roger Sterling was the best Carrie boyfriend'
that is hilarious
By Elina on November 25, 2009 4:59 PM