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Tuesday , December 14, 2010
Imaginary Shopping Spree: All We Want For Christmas
MOMMY!!! I WANT PENGUINS!!!!
I'm like the girl who always asks for a pony for every birthday and Christmas. But instead of ponies (which I do love and which I want one day when I "retire") -- I really, really want a trip to Antarctica! This is one of those things that I can't explain rationally. I know it's the coldest, harshest, windiest continent in the world, but something about the whole endeavor appeals to the crazy insane adventurer/explorer in me. No one I know has ever been there; no one I know probably ever will, except maybe my future husband. (In fact, maybe I'll know he's my future husband because he's dying to go to Antarctica like me! I don't think I've ever dated a dude that's wanted to go to Antarctica. New dealmaker?) I always felt that there was a hollow part of my memory that is waiting to be filled by Antarctica and all those amazing images of ice, sunlight, snow, expanse and penguins that's there to see. Some hearts want babies and some hearts want cottages in England, and some hearts want Paris and some want diamonds. My weird little ticker wants to see as much of the world as possible, and that includes the strangest, most beautifully desolate place in the planet. (Kat)
A FEW STAPLES FOR MY NEWLY DECLARED "FASHION CONCEPT 4 LIFE": THE BABE VERSION OF THE DUDE IN THE "FREEDOM ROCK" AD
More specifically, the dude to the left. He's more exuberant, and exuberance is my bag. I think maybe I've known my whole life that "The Babe Version of the Dude to the Left in the 'Freedom Rock' Ad" is my fashion-concept destiny, but I was never able to articulate it till just this past Saturday - walking down the street in the sunshiney December afternoon; eating a Medieval Madness ice cream cone from Rite Aid; wearing blue jeans and a cutely/sluttily threadbare zillion-year-old t-shirt, braided pigtails and braided-satin silver headband (warrior-princess style, across my forehead), red lipstick, red plaid flannel, zebra-striped ballet flats; listening to Ted Nugent and then Deep Purple and then Foghat and then Ted Nugent again. "I'm like the dude from the 'Freedom Rock' ad, but like the babe version," I said to myself, and finally felt complete as a human. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life," replied Ted Nugent, even though I wasn't talking to him. Dirtbag.
So now I want Madley's gold lion necklace, a vintage Deep Purple shirt, a coat that's lots like this one from Mama Stone but faux fur instead, and some Lipstick Queen Medieval Lipstick (which has nothing to do with Freedom Rock but everything to do with Mary Timony, whose abundance of yin beautifully balances all that trashed-out yang and also provides psychic protection against everything evil about Ted Nugent).
I also want the actual "Freedom Rock" compilation, by the way. And a surfboard, and a winter wetsuit, and a house by the beach! Don't forget: just one week till my birthday! (Liz)
THE LAURA JANE OF CATS
Back when nogoodforme.com was a Spirit Animals blog, I used to claim that my spirit animal was a "scrappy, runty adolescent black kitten-cat named Knickerbocker who lives in a pumpkin," which is absurd. You shouldn't be allowed to modify your spirit animal with ten billion adjectives, a cutesy moniker, and a whimsical habitat. Also, you shouldn't have Peter Pan Syndrome. One of the neatest things that happened to me in 2009 is that I stopped having Peter Pan Syndrome. I grew up; inevitably, so did my spirit animal, who is now a regular old adjective-free black cat. Maybe my spirit animal was the runt of the litter once, but you can't really see it on her anymore. Runtiness is now irrelevant.
The other day, I wanted to make time pass faster at work, so I asked my co-workers what their spirit animals were*. What a great way to get to know others! And yourself! I told them I was a black cat, and the whole gang was all, "Oh. Yeah. Obviously," and it made me feel so good about myself!!! I'm a black cat! This sentence is me resisting the urge to type out a long string of adjectives describing what black cats, and I, are/am like. I'm sure you can figure out the symbolism of a black cat on your own.
Now that I am grown, I want to take care of things, though not really babies, or even a dog. I want to take care of a black cat. Money CAN buy u love, Myutes. If you buy yourself a pet! I want a black cat for Christmas- a female black cat. I will name her Lucifer Jane, but call her Lucy for short; that way, she is named after two Syd Barrett songs**, not to mention one Beatles song***, and a Peanut****. I will project my most pronounced personality traits onto Lucy-fer, who I will also call LJ. Lucifer will be all, "I'm a great writer! I have a crush on Ray Davies! I'm the John Lennon of Cats!" and I'll be like, "God, Lucy, you are so self-aggrandizing!" and Lucy will be all, "I'm not self-aggrandizing, I'm self-celebratory, BITCH," and I'll say, "Lucy, you are a feline after my own heart," and then I'll give her some catnip to munch on while I empty out her litter box.
PS: But what I actually want for Christmas is a piece of paper reading "I.O.U a black cat in mid-August," cuz what's the point of owning your own spirit animal if she doesn't have your same zodiac sign? (Laura Jane)
Tags: Antarctica, becoming what you are, black cats, cats who are Cancers, exuberance, Freedom Rock, growing up, ice cream, Laura loves the Beatles, Lucy van Pelt, Mary Timony, penguins, reindeer, spirit animals, Syd Barrett, Ted Nugent
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