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Tuesday , December 14, 2010
Imaginary Shopping Spree: What We'd Get Each Other For Christmas
KAT TO LJ AND LIZ: THE BAG FULL O' GOODIES CONCEPT
I grew up with three (younger) sisters, so gift-giving was always a highly fraught and heavily negotiated activity. My parents always took pains to make sure everything was "fair" for all of us, and we took the idea amongst ourselves to sometimes ridiculous extremes, because we are a loving but contentious bunch. In order to avoid civil war among my biological sorority, I perfected the idea of the "equitable" gift -- meaning, giving a present that was similar in concept but tailored in execution for each sister. This appealed to everyone's different personalities, yet somehow satisfied a strange sisterly need for symmetry. I had a few different gift concepts that this worked for, but the one I remember best is the bag full o' goodies. It's way easy: you get a fabulous bag, fill it with cool stuff and BLAMMO! Bag full o' goodies! You give a nice big present (the bag) and a bunch of little ones, and everyone's happy. Feeling nostalgic for this, I decided to extend the idea to my sisters in nogoodforme.
For LJ I chose a bright red Cambridge satchel, because if anyone's the jaunty British schoolboy of nogoodforme, it's Laura Jane. I've only met up with LJ in the summer, and she's always carried some cute canvas tote or another -- but something about this bag just makes me imagine it on her shoulder. I'd fill it with DVDs of madcap, zany comedies and capers and a gorgeously illustrated version of Pippi Longstocking, whose audacity and sense of fun remind me of LJ. Just for kicks (and because we are still a fashion blog, after all), I'd throw in a label whore version of a game -- in this case, it's the memory game from Hermes. Then I'd fill the whole thing with candy because what's more fun than candy? NOTHING.
The whole idea behind my bag o' goodies for Liz is to encourage her Cali-rock chick tendencies. To that end, I'd find a bag like the Cleobella Brixton Rock bag -- maybe not exactly this bag, but something vintage-y, hippie-ish, rocker-ish and worn-in and loved. I'd give her a ton of DVDs of classic rock documentaries and Josie and the Pussycats, 'cause you know, you have to be silly sometimes. I thought about throwing in a super-adorably illustrated new version of Alice in Wonderland solely for the reason that I think Liz would make a great Alice for Halloween, but then I thought Liz would appreciate the candy-girl fantasias of photographer Tim Walker's work as well. For her label-whore game, I'd throw in the Louis Vuitton playing card decks, 'cause you never know when a girl has to gamble. I'd fill the whole thing with candy as well, just to be fair, because the last thing I need is for Liz and LJ to be mad at me for not addressing our strange sisterly need for symmetry. (Kat)
FROM LIZ TO KAT: FURTHERING THE CULTIVATION OF HER SPIRITUAL SCANDINAVIAN
2009 was the year Kat got really into Scandinavia. Which is cool, since I'm primarily of Scandinavian descent and know all these fantastic Scandinavian secrets that I've been holding out on till now. Not really, but I do know about this Scandinavian fairy tale called East of the Sun and West of the Moon, which I loved so much when I was wee and later quoted in this little story of my own. It has magic bears and enchanted castles and golden apples, and I'm sure Kat would love it so much too. And if I had about $27,000 for gift-giving purposes, I'd so buy her this 1914 edition of East of the Sun and West of the Moon: Old Tales from the North (apparently a remnant of "the golden age of book illustration") and pair it with a box of Swedish dark chocolate horses (because Kat loves horses, in addition to loving Scandinavia). I'd also probably throw in a package of Bamse Mums, which are Norwegian chocolate-covered bears and one of my fave candies evs. Gledelig Jul, Kat!
FROM LIZ TO LJ: A VERY BEATLES CHRISTMAS FOR OUR MUPPET BABY SELVES
As I've lamented before, it's sorta sad sometimes that LJ and I never got to be little kids together. I'm seven and a half years her senior, and had we ever played together "back in the day," all the other big kids probably would've been all "Eww, Barker, why are you hanging around that baby?" and I'd have to get all whiny-defensive like "Shut up, she's cool! She's the Jay-Z of two-year-old white babies! Now leave us alone so we can get back to blogging about Paul McCartney's ass for the 47th time!", and no one would know what I was talking about because neither blogging nor Jay-Z would have been invented yet. Anyway, if LJ and I had been Muppet-Baby-aged together, it would've been so much fun to play with the Yellow Submarine nesting dolls I'm imaginarily giving her this year. (See, there's John Lennon, trying his bestest to help deliver my pretend present to LJ - thanks, John!) We'd eat Beatles ice cream bars, and maybe have a go at the Beatles Flip Your Wig game, if we could squeeze it in before Beatles juice break. As it stands, we have to settle for my asking LJ Beatles Trivial Pursuit questions over the phone while we drink Beatles-themed cocktails - which isn't so bad at all, really, now that I think about it. Happy Crimble, LJ!
A DARK HORSE FOR THE DARK HORSE
It's a total cosmic coincidence that Kat blogged about wanting a pony yesterday, and I am blogging about buying Kat a pony today. I've known that I was buying Kat a pony for Christmas since, like, a week ago, only "pony" is the understatement of the century. Ponies are for bitches. I'm buying Kat a BLACK STALLION. As I always say, "Only da bezzzt 4 my girlz u know??!!!!1", or maybe I mean, "When you're buying a fake horse for the George Harrison of nogoodforme.com, you may as well go all out!" I always say that sentence. It applies to so many situations!
But seriously- I wish I could give my girls the world, and one day, I'll be filthy rich, and I WILL. I want you to have a horse, Kat. I want you to ride your black stallion across the tyrannous Antarctic terrain, or maybe the perilous plains of Scandinavia. One day, I will buy you a horse, and I will buy you a wolf, too (NOTE: In case you forgot, a wolf is Kat's spirit animal). And you will ride your horse across Sweden with a Klippan wool blanket wrapped around your bad self, and your spirit-wolf will run along beside you, and it will look so much like The Golden Compass (the way you picture it in your head, not the way it looked in the dumb movie), and I really think you'll enjoy that moment in your life, Kat "The Quiet Beatle" Asharya.
And that's my real Christmas gift to you, Kat. It is your new Insomnia Solver. Next time you have insomnia, which will probably be tonight, just picture yourself riding a black stallion across a fjord with your spirit-wolf, and you will relax and fall asleep and dream of horses, fjords, and me. Merry Christmas, bro! I'm so stoked two late-June Cancers get to write for a blog together. (Laura Jane)
A BARKER FOR BARKER
Just as every John needs a Paul, every Paul needs a Martha. In case you're retarded about the Beatles, Martha is the name of Paul McCartney's gloriously adorable Old English Sheepdog. She is the second-cutest Paul McCartney accessory seen in the heart-numbingly gorgeous photograph at left, #1 being Lefty McAdorable Left-Handerson's adorable right-wristed wristwatch. I guess it could be argued that the Martha to Elizabeth Barker's Paul is Pillz, Liz's cat in real life, but it would be pretty cheap and weird of me to pretend-buy Liz her own cat for Christmas. Also, I pretend-bought myself a cat for Christmas yesterday, and I'm a John, and John is the opposite of Paul, and dogs are the opposite of cats, so it would be illogical of me to pretend-buy Liz anything but a dog for Christmas this year.
Liz's new Old English Sheepdog needs to be a boy, because Paul McCartney was a boy and Martha was a girl, and Liz is a girl. Also, my yesterday cat was a girl, so Liz's today dog must be a boy, or else the entire balance of the entire Universe will be thrown off, and all the Beatles will die!!! I just researched the etymology of the name Martha to try and figure out its exact boy equivalent, but there is no boy equivalent of the name Martha. Which is surprising to me, because I totally assumed it was gonna be "Martin." But really this is a blessing in disguise, because Liz is not named Paula, and Martin is a stupid name for a dog. So Arthur it is!
Merry Christmas, Liz! Here is Arthur Barker, your new Old English Sheepdog. You should put sunglasses on him, and then take him surfing with you! I just Googled "surfing old english sheepdog" to try and find a picture of a "surfing old english sheepdog," but there was NOTHING! Zilch. But after today, pal- when you Google "surfing old english sheepdog," nogoodforme.com will be the first result that comes up. And that, Paul Barker, is my real Christmas gift to you. Signed, Laura "Mayou" Jane Faulds. (LJ)
Tags: Arthur Barker, Cali-rock chicks, candy, dogs, fairy tales, George Harrison, horses, jaunty British schoolboys, Laura loves the Beatles, Martha, Muppet Babies, Paul McCartney, Pippi Longstocking, spiritually Scandinavian, surfing old english sheepdogs, The Golden Compass, the Jay-Z of two-year-old white babies, wolves
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