Monday , June 14, 2010
Kat & LJ Investigate: Is Astrology Real? (The December '09 Edition)
Last month, celebrity moonchildren Kat Asharya and Laura Jane Faulds of nogoodforme.com decided to put the astro-cultural monolith that is Susan Miller's astrologyzone.com to the test. Both being obsessively intro-self-reflective late-June Cancers, Kat & LJ compared and contrasted key predictions from Susan Miller's November 2009 forecast vis a vis their own lives, ultimately asking themselves, Susan Miller, and/or the Universe- IS ASTROLOGY REAL?
The results were inconclusive. It's time for Round Two.
SUSAN MILLER SAYS: In December, others will take the lead. You don't have to always be in charge, and in actuality, it may be a relief to hand over the reins to a trusted partner once in a while.
KAT: NOT TRUE. The hard thing about being a competent Cancer is that EVERYONE wants you to be in charge. I've never been in charge of so much shit in my life. It sucks sometimes to be the "trusted partner" instead of having one. The good part of all this: I'm pretty sure I'm going to take over the world one day.
LJ: No. I do always have to be in charge. It is never a relief to hand over the reins to a "trusted" partner. I spent most of this December stomping around listening to Jay-Z and fake-screaming "I DON'T NEED NO ONE! CREATE YOUR OWN DESTINY, LAURA JANE!" Unless Susan Miller was referring to Jay-Z here, homegirl was mad wrong.
SUSAN MILLER SAYS: The full moon on December 2 will find you feeling in need of rest and privacy. If you feel a cold coming on, take life a little slower, and if possible sleep a bit later over the weekend of December 5-6.
KAT: I didn't have a cold, but I did sleep a lot that weekend. Maybe I didn't get a cold because I slept a lot? DOES ASTROLOGY SAVE LIVES?
LJ: I TOTALLY HAD A COLD THAT WEEK. Who knew it was a "cosmic cold"? In other news, I'm always feeling in need of rest. I live hard, Susan Miller.
SUSAN MILLER SAYS: You may have the kind of job that gets very busy near the winter holidays. The new moon, December 16, seems to bring even more assignments or customers through your door, but you seem happy to see the pace pick up.
KAT: I don't have a job, but I am in school and it always gets really busy in mid-December. Aren't most people in the Western hemisphere crazy-busy around the holidays (except for maybe, I don't know, Jehovah's Witnesses?) I don't see what this has to do with the stars, you know.
LJ: In December of 2009, I worked at a store. It was a very Christmas-centric store. It was the worst store I've ever worked at, and I've worked at more stores than any other person I know. It was the worst store in the world, not counting bebe or hunting-supply stores. It was the kind of store that middle-aged women would- and often did- describe as being "funky." Yes, I was happy to see the pace pick up, because whenever the pace picked up, it distracted me from how I wanted to kill myself for having to work at the worst store in the world and why did I have to be born an artist not an accountant Oh my God I can't believe the shittiness of my life DO THESE PEOPLE EVEN REALIZE THEY JUST GOT SOLD A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT BY LAURA JANE FAULDS OF NOGOODFORME.COM??? Whatevs, at least i scored some much-needed "humility" out of the deal.
PS: This prediction strikes me as a classic case of Susan Miller Capitalizing On Universal Obviousnesses, such as Christmas, to make herself seem like a better astrologer.
PPS: CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME SUSAN MILLER'S ZODIAC SIGN???
SUSAN MILLER SAYS: You should also know that this new moon (December 16th) will be sending mixed messages. Uranus will be in hard angle to the Sun, so it seems someone annoying will put you on edge.
KAT: I live in NYC. Someone annoying is always putting me on edge.
LJ: I feel like I should get the "Cancer of the Year" award for having the first day of my period synced up to the day of the new moon. On December 16th, I nicknamed myself "The Posterchild for Menstruation." I was like this hysterical estrogen factory of psychotic menstrual energy. Who the motherfuck didn't put me "on edge" on December 16th? I distinctly recall seeing a middle-aged woman wearing a winter hat shaped like a fucking octopus; in retrospect, I'm surprised I didn't punch her in the face for being such a loser.
SUSAN MILLER SAYS: At the full moon lunar eclipse of December 31, something will end forever, but a new chapter will be forming shortly thereafter.
KAT: THIS WAS SO TRUE. Maybe even the force of a full lunar eclipse can demolish the human frailty inherent in an astrologer's prediction. Maybe the forces unleashed by the universe are so sublimely powerful that it doesn't matter what anyone predicts -- shit will go down. Whatever the case, I remain in awe at the powers of the heavens here on earth.
LJ: IT HAPPENED. IT SO HAPPENED. I spent the entire month of December wondering if it would, and it DID. Astrology is REAL.
IN CONCLUSION: Maybe Susan Miller forgot that Cancers are cardinal signs and are always heading up things, because both Kat and LJ found it impossible to let "trusted partners" take the reins of everything -- most likely, the reins were handed to THEM because they're Cancers who can get shit done. Maybe there are a few Cancers in the world who aren't busy in mid-December and aren't running like chickens with their heads cut off, and maybe in this world people don't tend to get sick in the winter season and need more rest. Perhaps the tension between "what the stars predict" vs. "universal obviousness" is hard to resolve, and perhaps Susan Miller's predictions are so ridiculously specific that it all borders on evident common sense. We were ready to conclude ASTROLOGY IS SO OBVIOUS, but in the last bit of 2009, both Kat and LJ experienced world-rocking revelations that were tinged with the astro-fatedness of the lunar eclipse. Did anyone else experience the reality-piercing revelations of December 31? Either way: THE EXPERIMENT CONTINUES....
Tags: astrology, astrologyzone.com, Cancerians, Cancers, Kat Asharya, Laura Jane Faulds, Susan Miller, Susan Miller Backlash
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3 Comments!!
Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)
Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."
"At the full moon lunar eclipse of December 31, something will end forever, but a new chapter will be forming shortly thereafter."
Is it just me, or is that the definition of oh, I don't know, New Year's?
That said, you should definitely ask about my long-winded quantum-reasons for why astrology might be legit.
By Erin on January 8, 2010 9:53 AM
What are your long-winded quantum-reasons for why astrology might be legit?
I at first thought the same thing about New Year's, but then the thing that happened to me happened to me, and I was like "Yeah, no. That was WAY more than just New Year's."
By Laura
on January 8, 2010 12:28 PM
i want to hear the reasons as well.
i have to echo what lj said. new year's, well, duuuuuhhh, 2009 will end forever and the new chapter begins. but my thing that happened was a bit more dramatic than that. it'll be repercussing in my life for a very long time...!!!
xo k.
By Kat
on January 8, 2010 5:10 PM