Sunday , June 13, 2010
TOO DRUNKED FOR YOU: NOGOODFORME-Themed Cocktails!
IN PRAISE OF BLACK RUSSIANS
Oh, this is so easy! I'm a Black Russian. There's something really chthonic about mixing together two evils like vodka and coffee. (Well, coffee liqueur, which has got to be way more potent than mere coffee, right?) This makes it a reasonably Goth-y cocktail, and better than the usual Goth cocktails, like snakebites and weird concoctions featuring lots of blackcurrant liqueur. A Black Russian is something both dark yet surprisingly sweet, and like my insomnia-riddled self, it can keep you up for days with all its pent-up energy. It looks very modest, but a night full of them packs a severe-yet-awesome wallop. The only other possibility would be a Jack-and-ginger, which could work, being both kind of rock-morose and yet fizzy and effervescent at once. That is me, too! Don't you love alcoholic beverages as a self-portrait? You can combine your contradictions into one lovely creation! (Kat)
THE ELIZABETH BARKER: MIX TWO PARTS MARIE ANTOINETTE, ONE PART JENNIFER HERREMA, AND A SHOT OF BACARDI
Did you know that I'm in love with raspberry rose macarons, and ate at least two when I saw Marie Antoinette in the theater? Did you also know that Jennifer Herrema of Royal Trux is my number-one style idol evs? Maybe! Maybe you know both those things. But there's no way you could know how to make an Elizabeth Barker, because I just perfected the recipe last night, at the CVS on Glendale Boulevard in Silver Lake.
WHAT YOU DO IS:
1) Make one cup of really strong rose petal black tea. I use Zhena's Gypsy Rose Tea, because it's perfect and I talked to Zhena on the phone once and I love her. Boil a cup of water (from your With The Beatles mug), then steep two tea sachets a long time - like, till the tea's cooled. Then put it in the fridge to chill.
2) Grab a handful of really expensive out-of-season fresh raspberries and mash them up with a packet of sugar you stole from Starbucks. Spoon about half the raspberry-sugar mush into a pretty glass, or a disposable plastic cup leftover from when you went to see Valley Girl at Hollywood Forever Cemetery two summers ago.
3) Add a shot of rum (I used Bacardi, but that bottle with the butterfly on it looks real adorable). Then pour in about half the tea, and a splash of Welch's Strawberry Soda.
4) Stir it all up with a silver spoon. You should have enough tea and raspberry-sugar mush left over for another glass.
So, voila: Raspberries + rose petal tea = Marie Antoinette, and strawberry soda = Jennifer Herrema, because of the Royal Trux song "Strawberry Soda," which you can hear here:
I like to drink it while wearing a heart-shaped ring pop and listening to "Cry Baby Cry" by the Beatles many times, and writing a story that's really good. I think it'll also taste very lovely on Valentine's Day. Oh and I made it once without strawberry soda and with whiskey instead of rum, and that was kinda nice too. Cheers, Big Ears! (Liz)
THE LAURA JANE: AN INSTANT CLASSIC, JUST LIKE PAUL McCARTNEY
(L to R: Clowns LOVE Campari; my fake Cavern Club membership leaflet; a picture of me, not drinking a Laura Jane, because I forgot to take a picture of myself drinking a Laura Jane; in Italy, they sell these cute bottles of pre-made Laura Jane, which is why I'm moving to Italy)
I started thinking about Campari & sodas back when I was first-wave Syd Barrett-obsession-era Laura, because Campari & sodas were 1966-era Syd's drink of choice. I was working at the lame Christmas-centric hellhole I worked at last December, and every morning I would say to myself, "Laura Jane, after work today, you are going to take yourself out to a bar, where you will drink a Campari & soda, and write in your notebook, and it will be awesome." But every evening, I was so tired and sarcasti-suicidal from an emotionally trying day of selling Christmas ornaments to losers that all I could do was trudge home and eat a cookie and go to bed.
Finally, after a week of being unable to motivate myself to go to a bar and drink an alcoholic beverage, which seems weird to me now, I was bored at a bad show on a Monday night. I drank an uneventful glass of white wine, and then thought: "Seriously, Laura Jane? Your priorities are so askew sometimes! CAMPARI! SODA! YOU! SYD BARRETT! NOW!"
The bartender was an old man dressed in the rockabilly style. I was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a monster named Ivan on it. "I'll have a Campari & soda," I said, and the bartender fell instantly in love with me, as most people tend to do, with the girl (or boy!) drinking a Campari & soda. "What a great drink," he said, shaking his head in amazement/adoration. "One of my favourites. The best summertime drink. A nice tall Campari & soda, with tons of ice and a great big hunk of lemon." I impress people.
"Yeah," I said. "It's kind of, like, my drink." Of course, this was a total lie, since I'd never had a Campari & soda in my life. The bartender complimented me again, and then, in a classic display of maybe-charming Laura Jane gracelessness, I knocked my wallet off the bar, spilling its entire contents- including my fake Cavern Club membership booklet- onto the dirty bar floor. I kneeled down, sighing exasperatedly at my own incompetence. A redheaded Dudemeister helped me clean up the mess. I weirdly snatched my Cavern Club membership brochure out of his hand, which took him slightly aback, but really, I just did not want his pervy Dudemeister germs all over my cherished fake Cavern Club membership pamphlet.
I resurfaced, and was faced with the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen: a frosty tall glass of fizzy, glimmering magenta-coral blitheness-elixir, embellished with a "giant hunk of lemon", gazing up at me from the bar. It was so sexy, I could've cried. "Enjoy, Doll," said my new best friend the bartender, or maybe he said "Darling," or maybe he said "Kitten," or "Cookie," or "The Madcap." I took it back to my table, and, as tends to be the case when you drink Campari & sodas, everybody enviously exclaimed, "Yowza! What is that!?!" and I said, "It's a Campari & soda. It's kind of, like, my drink." I then took a sip of it, and I saw, I felt, I knew: it was kind of, like, my drink.
And that's just my life now! My cool, awesome life of drinking my perfect drink, which is now named "The Laura Jane" and/or "The Madcap," all the time, always and forever. My children will one day associate the cloying-yet-astringent scent of Campari and the clink-clink of heart-shaped ice cubes with their alcoholic famous-writer mother. If all goes according to plan. *crosses fingers*
I'm myself, so I'm probably a pretty decent judge of whether or not a drink tastes like myself or not. So, to answer your question: Yes. But here's the kicker: when you're a Laura Jane drinker, you better get used to everybody asking you for a sip of your Laura Jane. Because it's pink, people imagine it must taste like cotton candy, or kitten juice. But it's actually not sweet at all. It's bitter, and intense. Get the metaphor? I also like that the Laura Jane is simple; effortless, if you will. The complexity is built-in. So's the romance.
The Laura Jane is not for everybody, but it's definitely for everybody who's cool. Like me, my rockabilly bartender, and Syd Barrett. And who else even is there? (LJ)
Tags: Barker loves the Beatles, Black Russians, Campari, careless parenting, Elizabeth Barker, gothiness, hearts, Jennifer Herrema, Kat Asharya, Laura Jane Faulds, Marie Antoinette, raspberries, ring pops, rose petal tea, Royal Trux, rum, Syd Barrett, The Madcap, Valentine's Day
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7 Comments!!
Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)
Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."
Bushmills on the rocks.
By Masonic Youth on January 19, 2010 2:08 PM
LJ:
Last time I was in Toronto and I met you and your two gal pals at Ronnie's, I ordered a Campari and soda. You will find, in your career of drinking this fine drink, that it is an excellent test of how "down" a bartender (and, by extension, his/her bar) is. In this case, I was greeted with a roll of the eyes and a "why can't you just order a beer?" sigh. It was the only bad Campari and soda I have ever drank. Weak! Too much ice! No orange wedge, let alone lemon! Oh, how harshly I judged Ronnie's in that instant.
By Jackson on January 19, 2010 6:23 PM
I REMEMBER THAT. Though, at that point in my life, I still associated Campari with Janice Angstrom, mostly. I had really good Campari luck at Ronnie's recently, but, of course, I know what you mean. Let's just fuck it all and move to Italy
By Laura
on January 19, 2010 6:44 PM
Totally unrelated to this post, but I saw this video on youtube and the first thing I thought to myself was "The nogoodforme.com girls need to see this."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF5apksk_ps&feature=player_embedded
By Sara on January 19, 2010 11:09 PM
thanks, sara! xo
By Liz
on January 20, 2010 12:06 PM
Does the fact a famous person is associated with a drink or brand of liquor make it more enticing?
I watched the "American Experience" on Lyndon Johnson and they referenced the fact he adored Cutty Sark.
I'm not a big LBJ fan but that intrigued me and so I've kind of sought it out since then.
And it's really good!
NGFM fashion connection:
Audio of LBJ ordering custom-tailored pants! Killer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3GT9UN7nDo
By Masonic Youth on January 20, 2010 2:42 PM
I thought it was too many old fashioneds that made Janice drown the baby. Did she start drinking Madcaps after they'd made the country club scene?
By Jackson on January 20, 2010 2:43 PM