Sunday , June 13, 2010
Imaginary Shopping Spree: A Détacher's Entire Fall 2010 Show, Pigeon & Tonic
SELF-ACTUALIZATION THROUGH MATERIAL LIVING?
There are some fashion shows where I want everything I see in the photos of style.com. This is a rare occurrence, but occasionally it does happen. These want-it-all shows fall into two categories: the first is where I am an Imaginary Relentlessly Cool Person and the clothes reinforce this fantasy, and the second is where I know This Is Who I Am and I Accept It Unconditionally. This season's Helmut Lang show was one where I was really, really into everything I saw, but I know that deep down, if someone forced me to wear it for weeks straight, I would die a soul-death and turn into a snobby robot because there is no way I could be that professionally cool 24-7. Being a Helmut Lang person must be amazing, but it must also be so tiring! The lovely, cozy A Détacher show, on the other hand, is Authentically Myself. It has the trick of being things I already wear a lot (cardigans, stockings, boots, sweaters that look like swaddling) but twisted up in ways that make me look anew at such familiar templates. There are the colors (pistachio green with camel!), the textures (nubby and less nubby and silky all together), and the proportions (an almost-avant, Spiritually Scandinavian cocoonlike quality) that hone and sharpen a way of seeing I've grown accustomed to. In a landscape where so much "fashion" is about asserting sexiness, power, status or some elixir-like combination of all three into an ineffable "fabulousness," a show like A Détacher's evokes a gentle warmth and self-contained charm that makes me want to curl up with a good book, drink a lot of tea and be a good person that makes others happy because it's so warm and kind in feeling. This is who I really am, I guess, even though it kind of sucks to admit that I'm not a snobby robot in a strange, perverse way. But if I can come to accept this about myself through wearing silk shorts with stockings, then who I am to disdain fashion? (Kat)
PORTRAITS OF MARRIED EX-BOYFRIENDS AS SPIRIT ANIMALS (FROM PIGEON & TONIC)
Probably the part of my life I'm least looking forward to is "Laura Jane: The Thirty-Five & Single Years," though at least it'll give me something semi-legit to complain about. All my girlfriends will say, "Don't worry! You just haven't met the right man yet!" and I'll say, "Oh I know! But it's so okay! I don't need a man!" and then in my head I'll say, "I NEED A MAN." And then I'll meet all my ex-boyfriends' fiancees and my ex-boyfriends will say, "Hi! Meet "Bitchface." She's exactly like you, only boring and she likes the Beatles less! You were so manipulative." And I'll say, "Neat!" and then in my head I'll say, "I was only manipulative because you were such a fucking pussy," and then I'll go home and write books and drink as much wine as I want because I'll be a famous writer and the world will accept it about me. "You do whatever you want, Laura Jane," will say the world, "If drinking wine makes you a better writer, you just go right ahead and drink that wine of yours. Whatever it takes, to keep you writing books for us to read, Laura Jane, you wonderful famous writer you."
And then I'll have all these weddings to go to, and it's so obvious that any person I vaguely know even the tiniest bit at all will force me to write some brilliant and hilarious thing to read during those parts of weddings when everybody talks about how this union is the coolest thing that ever happened. But my real point is, wouldn't it be so funny if your ex-boyfriend was marrying Bitchface, and then you commissioned one of these portraits to be drawn of them as their spirit animals, and you chose Bitchface's spirit animal to be something really unflattering? And then you could play dumb and be all, "What? Noooo. I think it's so cool to have a pig be your spirit animal! Pigs are so... beautiful." LOL. (Laura Jane)
PS: And then you can buy them these, once they have lame kids named lame names like Spencer or Delilah or whatever-
Tags: A Détacher, alcoholism, bitches, gentle spirits, Helmut Lang, manipulation, self-fulfillment, singletonism, snobby robots, spirit animals, weddings
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Posted by Kat in Imaginary Shopping Spree |
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2 Comments!!
Say something so insightful and witty, it will blow us away. (No pressure.)
Got something to say? We'd love to hear it! Name, email and "type in the weirdo drunken text" thingie are all required to comment; don't worry, we won't email you or anything, we just want to make sure you're not an evil spambot. Keeping in mind the good-times mentality we like to keep going here, we've worked hard to keep NOGOODFORME.COM as fun as possible. We welcome all kinds of comments, but insults/abuse/general bitchery are not tolerated. In other words, we put the smackdown on evil troll posts. If you want to be a hater, please go elsewhere. Now, as Salt 'N Pepa say, "Only the sexy people..."
Laura Jane, you are so the Denis Leary of ridiculous and rollicking blogger realm.
LOVE IT.
By gina on February 23, 2010 1:34 AM
This is so beautiful and brilliant, you will probably get married five times in your 30s and they will all be awesome. Also, all my exes end up with girls named Bitchface too! What gives? It's like the new Jennifer.
By Lauren Cerand on February 23, 2010 12:14 PM