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Tuesday , December 14, 2010
Style Icon: Forsythe Pendleton "Jughead" Jones III
I could make you love women, Jughead Jones.
-Laura Jane Faulds
At first glance, it may seem like Laura Jane's just fucking off her first Style Icons entry by writing about an unfashionable cartoon character who doesn't exist- but it's not like that, my puppies. Jughead Jones is the coolest cool person in the world who tries the least hard to be cool, and, in my books, that's the best way to be. Watching an uncool non-cool person try super-hard to be cool is unbearable, and often depressing. I wish uncool people would just give it up, accept that they're never going to be as cool as Jughead Jones, and stop going out of their way to bum me out. It's just sad, really.
Jughead Jones is the dude of my dreams, and he's also a major dude-muse of mine. These days, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to write the book I'm writing without throwing in like twenty billion Jughead Jones references per page. Jughead suffers from arithmomania, which is like OCD, but with counting. This is awesome- I like 'em crazy! I'm also really into dudes with healthy appetites, and I'm also into drummers, and I'm into Scorpios (Jughead is a Scorpio, I've decided), and I'm into grey felt crowns, and I'm into Jughead's dog Hot Dog, but, more than anything, I'm into "Don't Taze Me, Bro!" t-shirts. As far as I'm concerned, you can't get much cooler than that.
Here are some fun facts about Jughead Jones that I learned from reading the Wikipedia entry for Jughead Jones:
I. Jughead's crown is a good luck charm. When it is taken away from him, misfortune comes his way.
II. Jughead generally has a very unperturbed and easygoing demeanor, often accompanied by his characteristic wry and sarcastic sense of humor. He is considered a bit of an oddity, but prefers his nonconformism. His many quirks make him the butt of teasing and abuse from Reggie, Veronica, and even other classmates and teachers. Many episodes involve Reggie and Jughead trying to outdo one another with pranks and bets, and Jughead almost always comes out the victor. He is revealed to be extremely clever and creative when necessary, often taking advantage of Reggie's and his other tormentors' weaknesses while having fun all the while.
III. Jughead usually doesn't like any long-term relationships, largely due to the observation (gained from watching Archie's romantic entanglements) that dating complicates a guy's life and deprives him of cash that could be used to buy burgers.
IV. One of the common misconceptions about Jughead is that he is a misogynist. This has been disproved many times. He simply dislike the ways relationships lead young men to make fools of themselves.
V. Jughead is the drummer for The Archies. He chose the position of drummer because he was too introverted to play at the front of the stage. Another reason was that he could put food in his drums to eat while he played.
VI. He has also professed a love for jazz music, once detailed in an issue of Jughead Magazine where he develops an obsession with an obscure jazz drummer named "Crazy" Willie Jim. After collecting his records, Jughead finally met Jim, who was now very old, ailing and reclusive, playing on a street corner. Jughead convinced Jim that he was trustworthy and they became fast friends. Jim even played with The Archies at one of their gigs. Jim died very soon after, so Jughead sat in with Jim's friends on the corner to play one last, mournful version of "St. James Infirmary Blues".
VII. In the late 1980s, Jughead became obsessed with the skateboarding subculture.
VIII. In some stories, Jughead has been shown to have supernatural abilities that are never seen again. These include controlling weather, giving the evil-eye, learning the skills presented in any book he reads, and predicting the future.
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