Saturday , October 24, 2009
Random Picture Entry: "Dynamism of a Dog on a Leash" (and "Jet"!)
Dynamism of a Dog on a Leash by Giacomo Balla is one of my favourite paintings of all time. The other day, I really felt like looking at it, but couldn't remember either it or Giacomo Balla's name. I tried Googling "painting dog walking fast", which led me only to a database of online tutorials teaching me how to paint a child's face to resemble a dog's. Which is good to know, but didn't quite hit the spot. So, I Facebook messaged my ex-boyfriend, who told me the truth. I like this painting because it is brilliant and cute at the same time, just like
Jet by Paul McCartney & Wings:
Which is definitely today's Wings Song of Today.
Saturday , October 17, 2009
Random Picture Entry: Marianne Faithfull Revealed as Nail-Biter!!!
My name is Laura Jane, and I bite the shit out of my nails. It really embarrasses me, but I can't stop doing it, because a) it's fun, and b) I figure if I quit doing something, it should be smoking cigarettes. And then I think about how terrible it would be to quit smoking without having nail-biting to fall back on, and then I think about how terrible it would be to quit smoking period, and such is the cold, hard truth of why I am a filthy nail-biting cigarette smoker.
It's really nice, in life, when I encounter other nail-biters along my travels. It makes me feel like I am less of a weird freak than I thought I was, and it's always validating to relate to another human being re: the sadistic satisfaction of ripping off cuticle skin with your maxillary incisors. Lovely! I've always suspected that Marianne Faithfull and I would take to each other like white on rice- she's a late-December Capricorn, and I really dig those people. We're both defined by sweetheart/asshole dichotomies, have "F" last names, and also we both dated Mick Jagger, or one of us did at least.
Today, while poring through photographs taken by Stephanie Chernikowski (easily my favourite rock photographer of all-time; check out the maximum sexiness of her Tom Verlaine portrait), I came across this snap of Marianne Faithfull, which exposes some SERIOUS bit-nail damage. I'M NOT ALONE!!! If Marianne Faithfull is a nail-biter, than I can, and should, be a nail-biter too. Nail-biting is COOL. It's SEXY, and BEAUTIFUL. Maybe it's time for a NAIL-BITING RENAISSANCE. Perhaps Alexa Chung should start biting her nails?
My favourite part of this portrait is the jaggedness of Marianne's middle-finger cuticle. I SO RELATE TO THAT!!!
Sunday , October 11, 2009
Random Video Entry: Stella, "Le Vampire"
After June, October is easily the second-grooviest month of the year. John Lennon's birthday, wack-attack Libra/Scorpio vibes in effect, & have y'all tried Ginger Gold apples yet? Oh my God. Like Golden Delicii, only softer, and with a ginger kick! This weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving, which means I get to eat my Dad's sweet potatoes tonight, and I'm STOKED. I am thankful for sweet potatoes, my friends, my family, my great eyebrows, Paul McCartney, Coffee Crisp bars* and Hallowe'en!
Hallowe'en is on its way! Hallowe'en is the best holiday. Compared to Hallowe'en, all the other holidays totally blow and aren't even worth mentioning. This senseless wild night where we embrace wickedness, with CANDY and COSTUMES and it is socially acceptable to throw eggs at your enemies' dumb houses! For once! If I ever have a kid, I'm going to rig my pregnancy so that my first-born daughter is a Hallowe'en Scorpio, just like Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz. I am really into dragging out Hallowe'en festivities for the entire month of October, just like the tarot card reader on Dundas Street, who recently put up a sign in her window reading "Wicked Witch Way," which I think should be the name of a Mary Timony song.
Anyway, let us all celebrate a twenty-days early Hallowe'en this sunny autumn Sunday by watching this sick Scopitone vid for Stella's "Le Vampire", because if there's one thing everyone in the world can agree on, it's that bubbly French girl pop from the sixties is kinda officially "the shit." This song has a killer Hallowe'en bent, features shrieky back-up vocals from a ghost, Stella is wildly adorable, and, over the course of my writing this sentence, I just decided that the dancey vampire dude in all black fake-playing a fake giant guitar is my Dream Dude. Spooky!!!
*I just want to say a few words about Coffee Crisp bars right now. Dear Residents of the United States of America: I pity you. America is a candy bar wasteland. No Caramilks, no Aeros, no COFFEE CRISPS. When I was a little kid, I hated Coffee Crisps, because I was a little kid, and hadn't acquired my now-passionate taste for coffee yet, so I would give all my Hallowe'en-stash Coffee Crisps to my Dad. "Coffee Crisp bars are for grown-ups," I would think. AND NOW I LOVE COFFEE CRISP BARS SOOOOOOOO MUCH! Which means I'm a grown-up. Awesome!
Tuesday , October 6, 2009
Random Picture Entry: Tilda Swinton Being Awesome
Having Tilda Swinton as your celebrity spirit animal rocks, if only because it gives you an excuse to post a picture like this one:
Doesn't it make you want to revel in life and have a grand time being your unconventional, gloriously expressive self? YAY!
Tuesday , September 15, 2009
Random Picture Entry: Thurston Moore and The Gossip Boys
Gossip Girl premiered last night! I didn't watch cuz I don't have actual TV, but right now I'm in the process of installing the 87 million upgrades required for me to purchase the $2.99 episode on iTunes, which is so awesome and reasonable. I'm going to watch it at lunch, and eat a big salad, and drink lemon water. Tofu salad, with snap peas and steamed broccoli and red pepper and red onion and Persian cucumber and carrots and Sriracha and sesame oil and soy sauce and other goodness, if you must know.
So anyway, when I "shared" this photo on Facebook yesterday I titled it "ewww/yay," but really it should've been "ewww/awesome." There's nothing "yay" about Thurston Moore hanging out with Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick; it's not really a grand celebratory moment in my life. But it's awesome, in a boring way. And the "ewww" is there cuz - ewww! - they all look so gross! Man Bangs, where are your man bangs? Thurston, why do you look like 1983 Mick Jagger? Chuck Bass - I love you, I guess, but you eeked me out in the final moment of season 2 and I'm not over it yet. Please don't go all soft on us.
And, YAY FOR REALZ, my new operating system, Safari, QuickTime, and iTunes just finished downloading, and we're all ready to go. Lunch is going to be so good today!
Sunday , September 13, 2009
Random Video Entry: The Beatles Perform "I'm Down" at Shea Stadium
Once every couple of years or so, the Universe, I mean, "The Man," decides to freak out about how a band named the Beatles existed once. This happens whenever a new Beatles-themed product (the Beatles "1" CD; Love: The Musical; etc) is introduced to the free market. As we all know, this has been one of those weeks. I like to call these weeks "life-ruiners." Why?
1) Because I am protective of the Beatles and want them to be Mine All Mine, even though I logically know they are not, and can't be;
2) Because I have Beatles tattoos, As such, I can't do anything without somebody saying "Oh My God! You have Beatles tattoos! That's so cool! Have you bought the Beatles remasters yet?" or "Oh My God! You have Beatles tattoos! That's so cool! Have you played Beatles Rock Band yet?"
And I say, "No, I have not bought the Beatles remasters, because I am broke," or "No, I have not played Beatles Rock Band, because I don't have a Wii, don't know what a Wii is, don't really know what Rock Band is either, and am broke."
Then I feel pissed off and sorry for myself for not having a Wii that I can play Beatles Rock Band on, and begin to resent the Beatles, which is not okay. The best way to deal with Beatles-themed Resentment is to re-connect with my All-Time #1 Beatles Moment Of All-Time: their performance of "I'm Down"* at Shea Stadium (August 15th, 1965):
This performance is great for many reasons: they're all having killer hair days; McCartney really McCartneys the living McCartney out of his screamy-pants lil' vocal; dudes look hot in Sheriff badges, apparently; they're sweaty, which is sexy. But mostly, pay attention to John crackin' up on the electric pianner, and laughy sweet George being all giggly hot in response. They goin' cwwaazzzyyyy! It is the closest human beings have ever come to matching the rowdy adorability of a litter of six-week-old golden retriever puppies playing in their cardboard box.
*"I'm Down" is totally my favourite pre-Rubber Soul Beatles song; rollicking and proto-punk, though I can't get on board with how the girl in it moans "Keep your hands to yourself" to 1965 Paul McCartney- what kind of fucking idiot would pass up the opportunity to make out with 1965 Paul McCartney? And in such a bitchy way, no less?
Thursday , September 3, 2009
Random Picture Entry: Julia Restoin-Roitfeld Is Too Fast To Live, Too Young To Die As Well
It's official: nogoodforme is now collecting photos of various celebrities with this rock 'n roll slogan somewhere near or on their person. In this case, it's the progeny of Vogue Paris captain Carine Roitfeld, who is up and coming as a professional style type herself. I think Julia seems really sweet; I once saw her coming out of a bar late one night with a very drunk friend, and she seemed very concerned that they put said drunk friend safely in a car or cab so she'd get home okay. That's when I realized I was a New Yorker true and true, because I was simultaneously both "Wow, that's Julia Restoin-Roitfeld!" and "Fuck, who cares, how the hell am I going to get home?" Such is a night in the life.
Lest you think that this is Lou Doillon, here is a picture from the same photo shoot of Julia in the same dress, doing the prerequisite "I HAVE A FASHION HEADACHE!" pose:
Wednesday , September 2, 2009
Random Picture Entry: Drew Barrymore Is Too Fast To Live, Too Young To Die
God, I so want a "Too Fast To Live, Too Young To Die" t-shirt! Even though it would be a big lie. This is one of my fave pix of Drewski; a thousand years ago I put it on the cover of a zine, cut off most of Drew's head, and handscrawled the zine title in lovely cursive across her left upper arm, 'cause I'm clever like that. I think it's from Details, and I wish I could remember more about the Anais Nin-inspired erotic poetry. Or maybe I wish I knew less about the Anais Nin-inspired erotic poetry, now that I think about it.
Anyway, in the current ish of New York mag there's this really over-the-top piece that cheekily likens Drew to sunshine, cookies, and "fluffy puppies and mild hallucinogenic drugs, tucked neatly into a gift basket made of daisies," then less cheekily asserts that "Barrymore's warmth salvages the lamest chick-flicks (Home Fries, Fever Pitch); renders merely okay ones (Music and Lyrics, Never Been Kissed) delightful to watch; and transforms genuinely great romances - 50 First Dates, The Wedding Singer - into classics." Which I don't think is entirely true, especially the part about that fucking dreadful Music and Lyrics. But yeah, she's pretty cute.
Another thing about Drew Barrymore is she's the one mega-celebrity known to be in possession of a nogoodforme.com sticker. Probably she's been checking the blog multiple times daily ever since Laura generously passed the sticker off to her in a bar last January, but who knows? Are you out there, Drew? Stop being shy and go on and leave a comment sometime. Nobody likes a lurker!
Friday , August 21, 2009
Random Picture Entry: James "Jimmy" Joyce & Nora Barnacle
This summer, I'm way more into James Joyce than I am into John Lennon. Did you know that James Joyce invented punk rock? Well, he did. As I Twittered yesterday, "James Jimmy Joyce out-punk rocks us all." I was inspired to Twitter such a Twitter because of, "She sat at the window watching the evening invade the avenue," the first line of Eveline, by James Joyce. Evenings invading avenues= definitely punk rock.
James "Jimmy" Joyce was married to a woman named Nora Barnacle. "Nora Barnacle" recently trumped "Claudia Kincaid" to claim the title of " best two-word phrasing I've encountered in the English language thus far" (my favourite three-worder= "Tricky Dick Nixon"). If I ever have two daughters, I will name them Nora Barnacle Jane Faulds and Claudia Kincaid Jane Faulds (Claudia Kincaid is the heroine of From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, my #1 second-favourite work of fiction, of all time). At left is a scratched-up photograph of James Joyce wearing an eye patch, and Nora Barnacle looking beguiling in a headscarf.
Said Nora Barnacle, of James Joyce: "I don't know whether my husband is a genius or not, but he certainly has a dirty mind."
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.
Thursday , August 13, 2009
Random Picture Entry: Further Proof that Laura Jane Faulds is the Coolest Person in the World
AT LEFT: Laura Jane's new and improved right foot! AT RIGHT: The inspiration behind Laura Jane's new and improved right foot.
This past week, I went on a lovely short holiday to New York City. The vast majority of my visit was spent wandering around the city, listening to Muswell Hillbillies by the Kinks on headphones, which was perfect, because Muswell Hillbillies by the Kinks is holiday-themed, somewhat.
On Monday, August 10th, 2009, at approximately three-o-clock PM, I was listening to "Holiday" by the Kinks on headphones while wandering around Topshop, when I decided that I would rather have a hella foxy reference to the inner gatefold sleeve of Muswell Hillbillies tattooed on my foot for the rest of eternity than spend $90 on an oversized sweater with a picture of a panda bear on the front.
Twenty-four hours later, the deal was done. I am a human being entirely incapable of ever making a bad, or wrong, decision. Having "Cats on Holiday" in Avant Garde inked onto my right foot for the rest of my life makes perfect sense for me. I will go more into detail about why this is so at a later date; I just wanted to share this great news with you all!!!
Maybe now Ray Davies will finally fall in love with me?!?
Laura "I Have A Kinks Tattoo" Jane Faulds
PS: Gracias x 100000 forevs to typography pro Zan Goodman, without whom none of this would have been possible. Dude- I am so stoked we ended up in History of Graphic Design class with Janet Whatever together that semester. It's really cosmically wild that we probably learned about Avant Garde while sitting next to each other, and had NO IDEA that it would one day unite us for all eternity!!! THAT IS SO HEAVY.