Thursday , November 5, 2009
"Let It Bleed To Death & Die Of Natural Causes," by Laura Jane Faulds
ABOVE: John Lennon & Paul McCartney on The Tonight Show, 1968. Things look a bit tense.
The Beatles, "The Night Before"-
1. LAURA JANE ON... ALTERNATIVES TO MAKING LEMONADE:
A smart one I thought of once is: "When life gives you lemons, make Lennon-ade", but- trust me- it means nothing.
When life gives you lemons, Baby Lemonade: life will. When life gives you lemons, drink fifty billion gallons of lemonade in twenty minutes, and then puke up the lemonade. When life gives you lemons, maybe you are allowed to have lemonade at lunch today? NO! No way, Dude. Who do you think you are? A person??? A person. Yeah okay maybe. Drink it, Loser, just today. NO! Okay. I decide: No.
When life gives you lemons, hoard them. Stash them in the zippered pocket of your purse. If people know you have lemons, they will think you are weird. When life gives you lemons, squeeze their juices into your eyes. When life gives you lemons, destroy them. What lemons? You have stuffed them into a plastic garbage bag and taken out the trash. Truly: there are none.
Peel the peels and look at the shapes. Maybe you can rip off the skin in one piece; that's something you're good at. Throwing the lemons at the wall. In real life, there are a lot worse of things than lemons. If a friend gave me a lemon, I'd say "Thanks! I could really use this." I would slice it into quadrants. Make a white wine spritzer? With lots of ice, and lemon juice.
When life gives you lemons, write the lemons down.
They are yellow. They are bad little moons.
2. FATHER & SUN & HOLY GHOST
My April forecast on astrologyzone.com predicted that April 15th, 2009 would be life-altering.
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Tags: blank versus blank, eating disorder awareness, eating disorder recovery, I really love Starbucks, John Lennon, Laura loves the Beatles, lemons, November, Paul McCartney, polar bear cookies, Starbucks, Susan Miller Backlash, The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers
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Thursday , October 8, 2009
"The Strength That Comes From Without," by Laura Jane Faulds A total stranger once looked me dead in the eye and told me I will only ever be happy if I follow love. Physically, he meant. Around the world. I took his word for it. "Okay!" I decided. As far as auguries go, this one seemed up my alley. And down it, too! Both for Laura, and from her. Maybe somebody should do this (him?), but I won't anymore. Why wait 'til tomorrow? The love that matters most is the one nearest by. Nobody (but him?) should even have to walk a block, for love. Live inside the love you got; the great loves of your life are the ones who live inside. The loves in your blood! Obviously. You can't get much closer than that.
Portia Wounding Her Thigh by Elisabetta Sirani, 1664
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Tags: blood, dog food, Elisabetta Sirani, Laura Jane Faulds, love, matrilineage, my grandmother
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Saturday , September 19, 2009
The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers: "Let It Be Boring," by Laura Jane Faulds 1. BEGINNING When you are a very little kid, you dream of your past lives. They are still fresh; you know them better than you know yourself. When you are a less-little kid, you dream of adolescence: of book reports, first kisses, and the movies. Adolescents long for high school, the freedom and the frowns. And, when you were a teenager- once, back then: You dreamed only of today.
ABOVE: That little piece of paper you can't read says "Music Makes You Not Alone." Which is true.
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Tags: babes, boredom, eating disorder recovery, Elastica, Eleanor Friedberger, Eleanor Friedberger's Haircut, hilariousness, I Am Not John Lennon, Justine Frischmann, Laura Jane Faulds, Laura loves the Beatles, laziness, mid-twenties, sexiness, teenagerhood, The Fiery Furnaces, The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers
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Wednesday , September 2, 2009
"I'm Going Away" by the Fiery Furnaces: The Official Album of Summer 2009
I walk around listening to the Beatles, and I think of what their songs mean about my life.
I walk around listening to the Kinks, and I think of my life, and it makes their songs mean something huge.
I walk around listening to the Fiery Furnaces, and I think about absolutely nothing.
The Fiery Furnaces are my third-favourite band of all time.
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Back in May, before I'm Going Away came out, The Fiery Furnaces solicited what they called "Deaf Descriptions" from their fans, asking us to submit opinions on how we thought the unheard songs would sound, based only on their titles. I wrote some. They were pretty good.
It is now September. I have spent a lot of time with this album. If I'm going to be a Beatles writer and a Kinks writer, it's only natural that I let myself be a Fiery Furnaces writer, too.
Here are my un-Deaf Descriptions of I'm Going Away.
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I. CUPS & PUNCHES
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If Life Were A Beatles Song: "It's All Too Much"
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If there is one thing that has changed about me this summer, it's the way I write. Not the way the words are (though that too), but the way I get them written. It used to be exhausting; if I wasn't indulging the hysteria, guilt would gnaw at me. Now, it's the simplest thing. The goal is to see how slow I can get it; "controlled-ness" is implicit. There is no "good," only "sweet." And, if you learn to care about "weird"- nothing can ever be bad.
My first word was book. I know every single second of my life, because I wrote it down. And there has been music playing all the while. It's my collaborator.
Once, there was this girl...
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Tags: babes, dudes, Eleanor Friedberger, girls, Hare Krishna festivals, Laura Jane Faulds, Neil Aspinall, summer, Summer 2009, The Beatles, The Fiery Furnaces, The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers, The Kinks
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Sunday , August 23, 2009
The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers: "Whisky & Cinnamon Gum," by Laura Jane Faulds
Hi! Welcome to "The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers," starring Laura Jane Faulds as The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers. Let's be clear about something here- I'm such a way worse writer than James Joyce, it's not even worth getting into. I just, you know, like to write. So that's the story behind why I'm The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers. Because both James Joyce and myself enjoy writing. "The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers" is my new nogoodforme column dedicated to writing about things that I feel like writing about that have nothing to do with anything except that I feel like writing about them. Whisky & Cinnamon Gum, the inaugural installment of TJJoFB, is a story-essay about "Norwegian Wood" by the Beatles, Greenpoint in the fall of 2006, the smell of motor oil, and my issues with dudes, I mean, "men."
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Tags: anorexia, autumn, Brooklyn, cinnamon gum, dudes, eating disorder recovery, eyebrows, Greenpoint, Hallowe'en, jerking off hand gestures, Laura Jane Faulds, men, Norwegian Wood, nostalgia, summer, The James Joyce of Fashion Bloggers, the perils of being a hot babe, whisky
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