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Sunday , May 23, 2010
Style Icon: David Lee Roth
(L: David Lee Roth, the year I was born. R: The David Lee Roth photo I identify with most.)
Do you want to know why I'm writing this? Why I started posting photos of David Lee Roth every Wednesday on nogoodforme.com, why I bought five Van Halen albums in one Saturday sometime last month, why I'm wearing a Van Halen shirt right now and why I was wearing another Van Halen shirt yesterday? Why I own two Van Halen shirts and listen to Van Halen, like, all the goddamn time nowadays? Do you wanna know?
It's because of a dude, this dude I dated. He loved Van Halen. "Van Halen with David," he qualified, on our second date. Who the hell calls David Lee Roth "David"? You call him "Dave," or "Diamond Dave," or you call him by his full name. But not this dude, apparently. I thought he was a good dude but turns out he's kind of a sleazebag, with a real sour heart. I felt so duped! So I moped for five days, or maybe just five hours. "Motherfucker, you will not take 'Jump' away from me" is something I wrote in my notebook, cuz I'm so stupid-dramatical sometimes. And also because I mean it: I've loved "Jump" since I was six-years-old, and I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm gonna let some sourhearted sleazebag ruin it for me.
So with no real recourse for revenge, I decided all there was to do was steal the dude's favorite band, love them harder and hotter than he ever could. Evil, right? Almost as rotten as blowing up his hot car, but without the mess and the threat of jail time. I bought all the records, excepting the one I already owned, told myself I'd listen till I loved them all to death.
And then I loved them right away. Which not only cured me of sourhearted-sleazebag disease but also made me better at life than ever before - God, I'm so good at therapy! I should totally think about a career in positive psychology. Or maybe game-show hosting?
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Tags: brown M&Ms, cheeseburgers, David Lee Roth, hot cars, ice cream, metabolic envy, monkeys' uncles, moonbeams, pink fireworks, positive psychology, rollerskating, rose petal tea, sourhearted sleazebags, sweethearted sleazebags, Van Halen
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Wednesday , May 12, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: BARBECUE YOUR LIFE
"Pants with names have gone from Calvin Klein, which is decidedly New York, to Jimmy's, which is West Coast-sounding to me. Elbow thrashing, skateboard culture. Bicycle motor-cross freestyle championships tomorrow at Venice Beach. Be there! It's all over the airwaves. It's all over the fashion. Life is one big barbeque."
Tags: David Lee Roth, inspirational quotes
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Wednesday , May 5, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: INTELLECTUALISM IS FOR SLUTS "I have a very belligerent enthusiasm or an enthusiastic belligerence. I'm an intellectual slut."
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Wednesday , April 28, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: BE FOREVER YOUNG "I never had my thirtieth birthday...Cross the international dateline, you lose a day. My birthday's October tenth; we left on the ninth, landed on the eleventh. I never turned thirty."
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Wednesday , April 21, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: IT WOULD PROBABLY BEHOOVE YOU TO STOP MISTAKING YOURSELF FOR RUDOLPH VALENTINO "Life is not a popularity contest. Do not expect to see Valentino in the mirror."
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Wednesday , April 14, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: YACHTS BEAT HAPPINESS "Money can't buy you happiness. But it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
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Wednesday , April 7, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: Always Be The Brightest Bulb On The Christmas Tree
"I say to the guys in the band, 'You know what Voltaire said?' They think Voltaire is an air-conditioning company."
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Wednesday , March 31, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: Father Knows Best "My Daddy told me when I was a boy: Dave, It doesn't matter if you win or lose - it's how good you looked!"
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Wednesday , March 24, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: Airports Are For Sexy Chameleonry
"Today maybe I go as Safari Joe, tomorrow maybe Dick Tracy, the day after maybe Tarzan - and that's just for airport wear."
Tags: airport wear, David Lee Roth, fashion, inspirational quotes
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Wednesday , March 17, 2010
The David Lee Roth Guide To Livin' Right: CHOOSE POETRY (NOT ICED TEA)
"If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?"
Tags: alcohol, David Lee Roth, iced tea, poetry
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