Tuesday , March 16, 2010
Dream Dude: Michael "Mike" Nesmith of the Monkees
Mike Nesmith is the only Monkee worth having a crush on. There are no other options.
Davy Jones is too short. I just read on the Internet that Davy Jones was 4'7" when he was 16. That's weird. Then I found this picture, on the Internet. Everything about that picture is creepy to me. Probably to you, too. To anybody! I'm pretty sure Davy Jones is 5'1". So, if you are a babe who is five feet tall,I'm pro- you having a crush on Davy Jones. He's cute-ish. But, if you are a woman of average height, you shouldn't have a crush on Davy Jones. Unless you are a pedophile.
Peter Tork is clearly the dipshit of the century. There is no doubt in my mind that Peter Tork would suck at sex. When I was eleven, I used to always watch this documentary about the Monkees that they over-played on MuchMoreMusic, and there was this one part where Peter Tork talks about his Monkees audition-interview, and the interviewer was all, "Do you smoke?", offering him a cigar or whatevs, and Peter Tork was all, "Not that," all sly, like "heh-heh-heh, I smoke pot," and you could tell that old man Peter Tork just thought he was so badass for that, which he wasn't.
Micky Dolenz is actually kind of acceptable to have a crush on. In my opinion he looks like a) a weird jock who specializes in volleyball b) a sloth, and/or c) a Monchichi doll, but maybe that works for you. The main thing preventing me from having a crush on Micky Dolenz is that sometimes his hair is straight and sometimes his hair is curly, which means that he either straightens or perms his hair. That's what I like to call a DEALBREAKER. Be a man, Micky Dolenz. Accept your natural hair texture.
Mike Nesmith has killer personal style. His hat may be gimmicky, but it's also adorable! The pictures above demonstrate what Mike Nesmith dresses like when he's not wearing his gimmicky hat: adorably. I have such a soft spot for aggressive sideburns. That picture of him with the family is so sweet. His jeans fit him great. Normally I wouldn't be much into that "Triumph" t-shirt, but it works really well for Mike Nesmith. Great job, Mike Nesmith. You know your strengths.
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Tags: Coca-Cola, cosmic cowboys, Davy Jones, Dealbreakers, Dream Dudes, John Wayne Gacy, Micky Dolenz, Mike Nesmith, Monchichis, Nikolai Fraiture of the Strokes, Peter Tork, sideburns, the Monkees
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Sunday , October 25, 2009
Dream Dude: Elliott Gould in 1971
Elliott Gould (the hot one on the left) circa 1971 was an extremely sexy beardo, in my opinion, although I don't have much respect for people who dressed like it was 1967, in 1971. Elliott Gould's outfit in the photograph at left is like the 1971 equivalent of dressing up hella-electroclash in 2009. Lame, Elliott Gould. But, you know, I'll forgive hot dudes for pretty much anything. So: GREAT. Great call, Elliott Gould. You look AWESOME. Though nowhere near as awesome as the chick who you appear to be dating. Is this chick famous? If not, that's a travesty, since she's seriously fly.
Since it's Hallowe'ek and all, I wanted to point out that "Elliott Gould circa 1971" would make a really killer Hallowe'en costume, if you happen to be a dude with a beard who doesn't feel like dressing up as Rooftop John or Rooftop Paul this year. Everybody will be like, "Oh, are you a hippie?" and you'll be all, "No, you imbecile. I'm Elliott Gould circa 1971. Isn't that obvious?" and they'll be all, "Oh yeah, I totally saw that picture of Elliott Gould circa 1971 Laura Jane from nogoodforme.com posted to nogoodforme.com last Sunday morning, that's totally who you are. I'm retarded for missing that." and you'll be like, "Yeah you are! I recently divorced Barbra Streisand." and then you can make jokes about how in the future you will play Ross & Monica Geller's Dad on the popular television show Friends, and it will be the BEST HALLOWE'EN EVER.
Tags: beardos, Dream Dudes, Elliott Gould, Friends, Hallowe'en, hippies, Laura Jane Faulds, Ross Geller
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Saturday , September 13, 2008
Dream Dude: John McEnroe
If there's one trait I can't resist in a dude, it's a complete inability to control himself. John McEnroe is definitely the loosest cannon in the history of all professional athleticism; in other words, John McEnroe is totally the John Lennon of tennis. And if there's one trait I can't resist in a dude (besides a severe deficit of self-control, that is), it's "being a John". It also helps when said cyclonic, out-of-control, Lennon-esque jerk happens to be wearing little shorts and has big poofy Jeff Lynne hair tamed by a red sweatband.
Over the past couple days, my favorite activity in the world has become Youtubing videos of classic John McEnroe tantrums. Homeboy's a madman! I'd probably assume he was an alcoholic if he wasn't so on-the-ball about, um, literally being on-the-ball, and besides: who needs alcoholism when you have rage issues this extreme? It's gorgeous. McEnroe's on-the-court free-form freak-outs are hilarious, sexy and totally commendable. John McEnroe is basically the smartest person ever. He understands how toxic it can be for the human psyche to suppress your anger- you need to get that negativity out!
Throw your racket on the court, John McEnroe! Tell that stodgy British umpire who's boss! ANSWER MY QUESTION, JERK!
Seen below is my personal favorite Youtube compilation of John McEnroe at his most irrationally, irascibly aggressive. This video is the best thing I have ever posted to nogoodforme.com. I hope you all watch it a billion times.
Tags: anti-anger management, dream dudes, John McEnroe, livewires, loose cannons, temper tantrums, tennis, TOO DUDE FOR YOU
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