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Sunday , February 8, 2009
RULES ARE FOR FOOLS: A Laura Jane Fashion Challenge
As far as I'm concerned, the only rules worth following are broken ones. When it comes to the obstruction of Fashion Commandments, I got more records than the KGB. Still, before I embarked upon my RULES ARE FOR FOOLS Challenge, I never consciously set out to antagonize the Fashion Police. It just sort of happens as a side effect of being an ardent non-Normie, a sartorial rapscallion who strives towards the avant-wack and hella-conceptual. I love what I wear: it says everything about how I feel (or, at worst, how I wish I felt) and who I am (but never who I wish I was).
The number-one guaranteed way to ensure pedestrian and impersonal personal style is to use fashion as a means for validating one's attractiveness to oneself. It breaks my heart to see how many gorgeous women looking like total blah because they think they have no choice; this is a by-product of stupid Normie fashion magazines that ram boring, meaningless axioms like "Avoid colour!" and "Leopard-print is for sluts!" down the throats of women who lack the confidence to say DAMN THE MAN and wear whatever the Hell they feel like.
This past week, I said DAMN THE MAN every day, and damn- was it ever satisfying! I have sinned, but I don't need no forgiveness. For seven days straight, I broke every fashion rule in the book, and looked Damned Cool doing it. Bear in mind I am The Ultimate Fashion Champion, so take my word as gold here, folks. They say sing while you slave, but I just get bored- I ain't gonna work for Anna Wintour no more.
BROKEN RULE #1: THOU SHALT NOT MIX PLAID AND STRIPES
HOW TO PULL IT OFF: BE BORING
LJ'S WAY: Black-and-white striped cardigan; muted lilac workshirt; plaid fine-wale corduroy walking shorts; grey nylons; black ankle boots
The main argument posed against donning plaid and stripes at once is that it makes you look like a wackjob. This is understandable. The combination of plaid and stripes is traditionally associated with red-faced, middle-aged golfers sporting a tam and too-tight trousers on the putting green, or perhaps a clown, or perhaps "Just a Girl"-era Gwen Stefani. Oddly enough, I felt ten trillion times boring-er than usual while breaking this rule. Because it was my first day of RAFF, I had no concept of how the rest of the Challenge would unfold. I took it way too seriously, and put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to create something practical and instructional, something that "you" could "learn from". I looked overly business-cazsh for my liking, but at least figured out how to construct a sane-ish plaid/stripes look: play that shit so safe that nobody can even tell! Stick to classic, klassy shapes; keep your prints subtle; don't add jewelry; be tame. Go to work at Ernst & Young; hang out by the water cooler; alphabetize your database of accrued capital gains taxes. This one is strictly for 9-to-5ers. NEVER AGAIN!
BROKEN RULE #2: THOU SHALT NOT SPORT LINGERIE AS OUTERWEAR
HOW TO PULL IT OFF: BE A SWEETHEART, NOT A SKANK
LJ'S WAY: Long camel cardigan; grey sleeveless tee; simple gold chain; pale pink lingerie camisole; flouncy blue button-up mini; grey textured stockings; tan lace-up stacked-heel ankle boots
This outfit was state-of-the-art AWESOME. It helped me reach an incredibly important conclusion about my own life, which is that my Spring 09 fashion concept is will be based around sweetheart-ism, smelling like strawberries, and going out of my way to sport lingerie as daywear as frequently as possible.
Anyone with half a brain would agree that the juxtaposition between my sweetie-pants lil' camisole and tuff grey sleeveless T is pretty genius, in that fashion-specific non-genius way often hit by acknowledged fashion weirdos like Chloe Sevigny and the late, great Isabella Blow (RIP). Another reason why this look played out so swimmingly is that I referenced a fair bit of Mary-Kate Olsen hobo-chic chic: uncool as shouting out MKO may be, her style is the opposite of slutty, and I needed a hit of that. All in all, If you are a dyed-in-the-wool tomboy in the mood to look nominally girlier than usual, go to any thriftstore in the world and fork over $1.99 for one of these ubiquitous lingerie camis. Throw it on over your regular jeans/t-shirt combo, and, as you can surely see, you will look as undeniably adorable as a red velvet cupcake.
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Tags: avant-wack, Charlotte York-Goldenblatt, fashion challenges, fashion guerrilla, Gwyneth-meets-Gatsby, hella conceptual, J.Crew on J.Crack, Laura Jane Faulds, non-Normie ideology, non-rules, sweetheartism, Ultimate Fashion Championship
Saturday , November 1, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Thirteen (RIP UFC)
In the grand tradition of 9 out of 12 UFC collages, my final UFC collage background is ripped from John Hopper's ever-amazing Textile Blog. It is Cosmic Fog by Robert Oerley. Cosmic Fog! How appropriate. The UFC itself has been one hell of a Cosmic Fog, to say the least.
PPS: Stay tuned for LJ'S UFC "LESSONS LEARNED" WRAP-UP, to be posted sometime this coming week.
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Sunday , October 12, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Ten
(this week's background image is by Astrid Sampe. It has something to do with IBM, which is similar to UFC in that they are both three-letter acronyms. How novel! It is taken from John Hopper's ever-amazing Textile Blog).
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Tags: 64, avant-wack, Charlotte York-Goldenblatt, John Lennon, Keith Moon as spirit animal, Laura Jane Faulds, Laura Jane's Complex October, Laura loves Matthew Friedberger, Laura loves The Beatles, nostalgia, Paul McCartney, The Sazerac of Tuesdays, Ultimate Fashion Challenge
Sunday , October 5, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Nine
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Tags: Agnes B, alcoholism, American Eagle Awesome, Asli Filinta, confusion, fun, Keith Moon, Laura Jane's Complex October, Laura loves Matthew Friedberger, LCBO, misrepresentations, Newfoundland, Rolling Stones, strawberries, UFC-Jaded, Ultimate Fashion Challenge
Monday , September 29, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Eight
To keep myself from either getting deadly bored or going completely insane (whichever may happen to come first), this week I employed the creative talents of Kat Asharya, Meggy Wang, Laura Jane Faulds, Emily Richmond, the Oxford English Dictionary, Elizabeth Barker, and John Delk to act as Guest Conceptualizers. Each one of these people (or reference books) was assigned the task of coming up with a snappy idea for me to sartorially articulate. I wish there was a synonym for "sartorial" that wasn't "fashion-wise" or something equally lame. The Ultimate Fashion Challenge has forced me to overuse it. The Ultimate Fashion Challenge has forced me to do a lot of things. The Ultimate Fashion Challenge is my life. My life is the Ultimate Fashion Challenge. When it ends, do I die then? I hope not.
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Tags: audio/visual, contemplation, Doralee Rhodes, John Delk, Keith Moon, Keith Moon as spirit animal, Los Angeles, Michael Showalter, Olympics, Paul Newman, Pebbles Flintstone, Sleez Sisters, the Draconian calendar, Ultimate Fashion Challenge, yachting
Sunday , September 21, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Seven- the DEADLIEST Week
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Tags: American Eagle Awesome, avant-wack, Cher Horowitz, hella conceptual, Hieronymus Bosch, I hate my generation, Kermit the Frog is a baby, Laura loves The Beatles, Leighton Meester, Liverpool, Michael Showalter, objectivity, ornithophobia, Real Men Drink Sazeracs, school uniforms, Seven Deadly Sins, sinning, Sting, taurine troubles, The Sazerac of Outfits, Ultimate Fashion Challenge
Sunday , September 14, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Six
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Tags: Albert Einstein, American Eagle Awesome, avant-wack, jammers, John Lennon, Kat & Laura's Sartorialist ambivalence, orphan chic, Spirit Animal House, tees please, Thai food, Ultimate Fashion Challenge, waxing nostalgic
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Thursday , September 11, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Five
Thursday , September 11, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Five
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Tags: American Eagle Awesome, avant-wack, Coney Island overdosing on crystal meth, coping with stress poorly, econo-fly, Laura Jane Faulds, Neil Young, New York City, ornithophobia, potential boho revival, Spirit Animal House, the days when SAH interfered with the UFC, Ultimate Fashion Challenge, what are clothes?
Sunday , August 31, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Four
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Tags: avant-wack, Courtney Love, designer pyjamas, Laura Jane Faulds, Laverne Di Fazio, Life Before Zara, Michael Showalter, Neil Young, pants stresses, scrappiness, the farm, Ultimate Fashion Challenge
Sunday , August 24, 2008
Laura Jane's Ultimate Fashion Challenge: Week Three
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Tags: American Eagle Awesome, Black Panther Party, fashion paradoxes, John Lennon, Kat Asharya, Laura Jane Faulds, Laura loves The Beatles, New York Mets, Olympics, tees please, THIS IS WHO I AM, Ultimate Fashion Challenge