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Thursday , December 17, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For the Sexually Active Cat-Lover
Condom cover from Eleven Eleven, $16
You know what's sooooo annoying? When girls are all, "OMG, I'm so single, I'll never have a date again, I might as well just give up and GET A CAT." It's seriously such a huge pet peeve of mine - pun intended! - and I hereby call a moratorium on the use of "cat lady" as a pejorative. Cuz guess what, dudes: You can own a cat and get tons of action all the time every single day forever and ever. Seriously. So, as proud owner of the weirdest cat ever and staunch safe-sex advocate, I fully encourage you to gift your studliest cat-lovin' ladyfriend with one of these adorable condom covers, maybe paired with a Three Keyboard Cat Moon tee, just for kicks. Hooray for kitties!
Tags: cats, condoms, gifts, holidays, narrow-mindedness, Pillz the Cat, sex, The Keyboard Cat
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by Liz in Gift Guide
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Wednesday , December 16, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For The Playful Insomniac Wasn't our Insomnia Guide just epic? Ever since outing myself as a chronic insom, I've started to embrace the inability to sleep as the cornerstone of a lifestyle choice. (Okay, so maybe it's not a choice, but I'm rolling with it.) If you're going to try out all kinds of things in search of the elusive state of shut-eye, why not use it as an opportunity to exercise your ability to accessorize in a madcap, blithely mirthful way? Me and other crazyface non-sleepers are bound to try out sleep masks at some point, so you may as well get the cutest ones possible. My favorites are by Mary Green, who seems to have turned the humble item into a small cottage industry. The sleeping one is so adorable, it makes me want to be in a Jacques Demy film, but I'm also partial to this one because it has an embroidered rooster on it and is trimmed with gingham ruffle. (Normally gingham ruffle turns me off, but somehow on a sleep mask it charms me.) The writer in me can't resist the "Working On My Novel" one, and I harbor a fantasy of making my modestly brilliant, expletive-prone tall European bed companion wear the black tie one in a bizarre Doris Day movie kind of way. Hmmm, maybe I should add "sleep mask-prone" on my list of dealmakers?
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Tags: dealmakers, glamour, insomnia, roosters, sleep masks
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by Kat in Gift Guide
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Tuesday , December 15, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For the Obsessive Christmas-Lover in Your Life Limedrop Gingerbread pop-out earrings, available at Via Alley, $35 My personal take on the holiday season could generally be described as "indifference, with a slight bent toward 'like'." Like everything, Christmas has its ups and its downs. Polar bear cookies are awesome; "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" makes me want to slit my wrists. But, if there's one thing that makes me want to fully Grinch it up and spit eggnog at reindeers' faces, it's definitely "obsessive Christmas-Lovers." Like, is your life so unfulfilling the other eleven months of the year that you need to channel that much psychotic enthusiasm into poor December? But maybe I'd be an obsessive Christmas-Lover too, if Christmas was cooler. Like, if every Christmas carol was as good as "Hey Jude", and Santa looked like Syd Barrett, and slutty mall-elf costumes were designed by Alexander McQueen. There is a serious shortage of "cool Christmas-themed merchandise" in this world, which is why stumbling upon these Limedrop earrings filled up my proverbial "stocking" with a sleighful of holiday cheer. These little dudes are cuter even than cutie-cute Rudolph, and are undeniably seasonal without being undeniably lame. Plus, you get to pop them out of the packaging, which is kind of like popping one of those crappy little chocolates out of a cheap cardstock advent calendar, which is one of the most satisfying feelings in the entire world. It is the "pulling dried glue off your fingers" of the holiday season.
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Tags: Alexander McQueen, Christmas indifference, Gift Guide, gingerbread, Hey Jude, obsessive Christmas-lovers, suicide, Syd Barrett
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by Laura in Gift Guide
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Monday , December 14, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For Your Favorite Radical Feminist
Personalized vagina necklace, VulvaLoveLovely
I'm not really the type of person who would be comfortable with sporting a clay reproduction of my vagina on a chain around my neck, but that's only because I'm repressed. Honestly, if you are a babe chill enough to be all, "Shit yeah! My vagina is wicked cool-looking and I want the whole world to know it about me!", I wish more than anything in the Universe that I could buy you a vulva necklace and hand-deliver it to your door. The best part of buying this gift for somebody is that, a few months prior to the holiday season, you'd have to e-mail (or Facebook) them and be like, "Hi! Can you please send me a photograph of your vulva?" and they'd be like "Why are you are a weird pervert all of a sudden?" and you'd be like "YOU'LL SEE!!!"
PS: I would also buy this necklace for Samantha Jones of Sex and the City.
PPS: It would also be funny to get one of these bad boys made of your own vulva, and then force your boyfriend to wear it. If he wouldn't, you could tell him he was an asshole misogynist, which is always a great card to play in any functional long-term relationship.
Tags: misogyny, necklaces, Samantha Jones, self-love, vaginas
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by Laura in Gift Guide
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Thursday , December 10, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For the Creepy Weirdo Who Collects Dead Animal Parts
Porcelain beaver skull, Beetle and Flor, $110; Mammoth talon cuff, available at Bona Drag, $2,950
Once when I was a little girl my BFF and I found all these big blobby pinkish-orange things on the beach. "Cool," we said. "Whale hearts!" Turns out the blobs were actually pieces of an old buoy that had washed ashore, which was kinda disappointing, because whale hearts are probably fun things to play with. If you too know a girl - or boy - who's into dead animal parts, maybe the perfect holiday gift would be Beetle and Flor's Beaver Skull (ethically obtained and then hand-cast and fired in porcelain, with a 18K gold glaze for the teeth). Or, if you're totally loaded, you could go for the mammoth talon cuff, featuring claws carved from 10,000- to 30,000-year-old fossilized Siberian woolly mammoth tusk bark. It's sterling silver, with six little black diamonds set into the palm of the talon, and there's only 14 of these pieces in the whole wide world. Cooler than whale hearts, possibly.
Tags: claws, creepy weirdos, dead stuff, fossils, gifts, holidays, skulls, whale hearts, woolly mammoths
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by Liz in Gift Guide
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Wednesday , December 9, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For a Tramp You Wanna Cut Down to Size GET IT??????? LOL.
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Boys' 24-hour Shark Tee, J.Crew, $16.50
Tags: J.Crew on J.Crack, sluttiness, t-shirts
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by Laura in Gift Guide
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Tuesday , December 8, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For the Lady-Chocoholic of Exquisite Taste
Mexican Cocoa Body Butter, Pacifica, $18; chocolate homemade marshmallows, Whimsy and Spice, $6 a dozen
The other night I went out walking with a bag of chocolate-covered cranberries and my thinking cap and played Wings' "Wonderful Christmastime" over and over while being happy at Christmas lights. It was so good! I love chocolate, and Christmas! Speaking of chocolate and Christmas, or chocolate and winter holidays in general, it would be so sweet if you gave some chocolate-loving lady in your life a package of puffy fluffy marshmallows paired with Pacifica's Mexican Cocoa Body Butter. The marshmallows are Valrhona chocolate and come from Whimsy and Spice, whose beautiful blog is just the thing for those cozy days when you just wanna click around and slip into some dream life as a Brooklyn confectioner with two impossibly adorable little girls. (I mean, hi. Hi. HI!). And the body butter's one of my fave beauty finds this year - it's not spicy like Mexican Cocoa but it's super sweet-almond-y and sooo rich and yummy. The Mexican Cocoa soy candle's fantastic too, as is everything else in their entire collection. I am so very pro-Pacifica.
Tags: beauty, Brooklyn, chocolate, dream lives, gifts, holidays, marshmallows, Pacifica, Wings
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by Liz in Gift Guide
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Monday , December 7, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For A Very Sophisticated Surfer
Custom-printed surfboard, Halsea, $1,200
I try hard not to be a prints person, but my eye cannot resist the sheer visual candy that are Halsea prints. They're stylized and cheerful, evoking 1970s Cali in a way that is only just slightly retro. Makes sense -- Halsea designer Sally Bartz used to design for surf apparel giants like Roxy, Modern Amusement, and Volcom, but she's taken things up a notch to design stuff that would make Tory Burch wish she were a laidback LA surf bunny instead of a New York socialite. This gift is a little extravagant, but Halsea also makes way more financially accessible stuff, like wallets, bags, totes and makeup bags, so you can treat the sophisticated surfer in your life that way.
Tags: California, eye candy, prints, surfboards, surfers
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by Kat in Gift Guide
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Thursday , December 3, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For the Elfin Bambino, Or Fraidy Cats of Any Age
Bramble mushroom nightlight by White Rabbit England, Pink Olive Boutique, $78
All of a sudden there are so many ickle beh-behs in my life now, a whole army of chubby-cheeked/chubby-thighed cherubs raising their chubby fists and demanding to be wowed with the most adorable and whimsical holiday gifts imaginable. I mean, not really - they're actually all quite chill and nonmaterialistic, which is very groovy. BABIES KNOW THE SCORE. But still: I kinda want to buy every last one of them a White Rabbit England nightlight, partly because it looks like a Smurf's house, but mostly because the porcelain, handpainted things are just so darling. And I don't know who Bramble is, but maybe he'd make a great friend to some nyctophobic grown-up in your life as well, especially the type who's fond of spending blustery winter nights curled up with a castle-shaped mug of hot mulled cider and a copy of The Complete Grimm's Fairy Tales (i.e., ME!). The dewdrop toadstool nightlight's pretty cute too, BTW.
Tags: babies, elves, fairy tales, fraidy cats, gifts, holidays, nightlights, nyctophobia, Smurfs
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by Liz in Gift Guide
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Wednesday , December 2, 2009
TOO GIFTED FOR YOU 2009: For Your Eccentric Great Aunt who Collects Weird Junk
Assorted teensy-weensy baby animal figurines, minimenagerie.com, $25-$50
Or any crazy old lady, really. You know the type. Their houses are like time warps. They have about thirty billion Royal Doulton figurines in their cupboards, tea cozies on the tea kettles, blankets with puppies on them, and there is a ceramic dish of aged hard candy on every available flat surface. They make you eat the candy even though you don't want it. They love feeding you stale cookies, and also force you to drink the apple juice that comes out of a can. One day, I aspire to be one of these women. They're the real Village Green Preservation Society, you know.
Anyway, what do you buy for the crazy old lady who has everything? Obviously, an adorable baby animal figurine that is smaller than pocket change! These cutesy-wutesy little bad boys would also be ideal for eleven-year-old girls who are late bloomers, and wouldn't it be cool to buy the "Free Kitten" one for a raging Kim Gordon fan? Just don't buy them for a baby, as babies are wont to put small things in their mouths, which could lead to a stressful and potentially Christmas-ruining situation.
Tags: baby animals, crazy old ladies, Kim Gordon
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by Laura in Gift Guide
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