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Friday , September 11, 2009
Laura Jane Gives Back: "Let It Be Beat," by Laura Jane Faulds
When you think about it: the three-word phrasing "Let It Beat" makes no sense. Really, it should've been "Let It Be Beat."
And now: it is.
If you are gifted, it means that life has given you a gift, and it is your duty to always be mindful of that. I've been lucky, but I've also worked hard; mostly: I'm lucky to be a person who works this hard.
Sloth is every bit as deadly as they think it to be. But maybe there is no laziness; only, acquiescence.
I. LAURA, OR, THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE
I wrote this because I am brave and want to help people. I wrote this to help myself. I wrote this because the truest strength is that which comes from admitting weakness.
__
How to know if you're sick again: You're lying, a lot.
__
Anorexia is about controlling powerlessness; bulimia is about indulging it. Binging and purging is a process, an enterprise. Proximity and Possibility are unguessable. The fear of this, is what anorexia was protecting you from.
+ Continue reading "Laura Jane Gives Back: "Let It Be Beat," by Laura Jane Faulds"
Tags: anorexia, bulimia, eating, eating disorder awareness, eating disorder recovery, empoweredness, Laura loves the Kinks, laziness, Little Italy, powerlessness, weddings
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Monday , August 3, 2009
Laura Jane Gives Back: Let's Help Yoko Ono IMAGINE PEACE! Today's Beatle Wife Of The Day is... Yoko Ono!!! This is generally always the case, except for maybe five days a year it gets to be Linda McCartney. Know how many days a year it gets to be Pattie Boyd? ZERO. But whatevs, that's enough Pattie Boyd-directed meanness. Today, and every day, is a day for being Yoko Ono-style positive. Yes! It is such a tragically hilarious fallacy, this idea that Yoko Ono was a cold-hearted, manipulative, Beatles-break-up-inducing bitch, when, really, Yoko Ono is a total sweetheart, not to mention genius artist. If you follow Yoko's Twitter, as I do, you know exactly what I'm talking about here- Real Yoko Ono is the Sweetheart of all Sweethearts. All Yoko Ono wants is for the world to be the peaceful, beautiful place she, and I, know(s) it can be, and for all of us to be happy inside of it, and to smile, create, and enjoy ourselves. I'm with you, Yoko. SOME SAMPLE HELLA-POSITIVE YOKO ONO + We have to make it happen. Nothing happens without making it happen, you know. And we'll do it. Right? + is dancing + If you go around giving that same smile to others, you'll be surprised how you might just make somebody else happy, too! + I'm always sending out the message of love & peace. Even when I'm asleep. You should, too. It's nice. It's simple. Yoko's Imagine Peace Tower is a real tower, that exists, for real, in Reyjkavik (Where Kat went once!) The Imagine Peace Tower emits a shimmering burst of light that shines every year between John Lennon's birthday (October 9th) and John Lennon's death day (December 8th), and then shines again between Winter Solstice and the dawn of spring. The Imagine Peace Tower is also home to hundreds of thousands of millions of wishes; now that I have encouraged nogoodforme.com's billions of readers to make Imagine Peace Wishes, there will be billions of wishes in the IPT! Hooray! To get your wishes into the IPT, you can do one of the following: 1) Email your wishes to wish@IMAGINEPEACE.com IMAGINE PEACE TOWER from Yoko Ono on Vimeo.
TWEETS TWITTERS: 
2) Mail your wishes to IMAGINE PEACE TOWER, PO Box 1009, 121 Reykjavik, Iceland.
3) Twitter your wishes to @IPTower (Do this one! It's so easy!)
SOME SAMPLE WISHES, FROM LAURA JANE
+ I wish Yoko Ono was my best friend, and we could hang out twice a week, every week, minimum.
+ I wish Paul McCartney was my other best friend, and we could hang out once a week, since he's probably busier than Yoko Ono.
+ I wish I could motivate myself to practice yoga on a basis more regular than "never."
+ I wish I could take tennis lessons with a sexy tennis instructor and have a sexy affair with said sexy instructor.
+ I wish I had the exact "Yoko Ono" t-shirt that John Lennon is wearing in the picture at the top of this entry.
+ I wish there was a real karaoke place in the Universe, or Toronto, where you could karaoke "Duffer St. George" (@fieldguided!)
+ I wish people would stop messing with other people and start messing with themselves, productively. No more Blame Gaming!
+ I wish that the memory of John Lennon and everything he did will be preserved forever, and that I will never, ever stop doing my part to make this be true.
+ I wish that you will all wish for what you all wish for, and help Yoko Ono spread her beautiful message of peace, love and positivity!
HAPPY WISHING!!!!
Tags: Beatle Wife of the Day, Imagine Peace Tower, Imagining Peace, John and Yoko, Laura Jane Gives Back, Reykjavik, Twitter, wishes, wishing, Yoko Ono
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Thursday , July 16, 2009
Laura Jane Gives Back: FREE ANOREXIA THERAPY!
Nearly a month has passed since I wrote "Let It Beat", which I will never be able to read again in my life. Writing it, and sharing it with all you fine people, was beyond therapeutic for me. The positive and supportive responses I received were monumental in leading me towards the free-er, chill-er, happier, "more recovered than not" place I'm in now. I am in no way 100% recovered, but there is an end in sight, and after spending three years in a living hell, that is more than enough.
I can't read "Let It Beat" because I don't want to think about it anymore. Now, I only look forward. I said it already. I write, and move, and I do cool things like eat veggie dogs off the street at one-o-clock in the morning, because I'm hot. And like veggie dogs.
The initial concept behind "Let It Beat" was to write something instructional, a sort of "What To Do/What Not To Do"-style resource that friends and families of those suffering from anorexia could learn from. In the end, I realized that I was entirely ill-equipped to do this- I'm a Beatles writer, not a therapist!
Luckily for me (and you, hopefully), my therapist is a therapist! She is also one of the most intelligent, perceptive, classy, and inspiring individuals I've ever met in my life. She also has THE BEST PERSONAL STYLE EVER; it seriously blows my mind that I scored into a therapist so goddamned well-dressed.
Behind the jump is an instructional "What To Do/What Not To Do"-style resource that she gave me for my birthday. If you are suffering from an eating disorder and/or know someone who is, it is imperative that you read what she wrote. It is a very clear and honest representation of the eating disordered experience; I think it would give anyone a lot of insight into the disease, the mechanisms behind it, and how recovery can be effectively facilitated. Please feel free to circulate this information as you see fit!
Thanks!
Laura Jane
+ Continue reading "Laura Jane Gives Back: FREE ANOREXIA THERAPY!"
Tags: eating disorder awareness, eating disorder recovery, free therapy, I Love My Therapist, important information, Laura Jane Gives Back
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Wednesday , June 10, 2009
Laura Jane Gives Back: FIVE DAYS LEFT TO ERADICATE ANOREXIA FOREVER! Dear Friends, 2 weeks 'til Laura Jane turns 24 on the 24th! And 2 things I want to say re: my most legendary birthday gift yet: 1. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYBODY WHO HAS SUBMITTED SO FAR! I am so grateful to everybody who has taken the time to write me and help contribute to this project. I am so blown away by the wide-ranging submissions I've received so far- Muchos gracias and amores eternally forever to everybody who has thought to send me their honest Qs about what the Helter Skelter the anorexic experience is truly like, and how they can best help out their loved ones. And special thank-yous go out to all the victims of this illness who have confided their own troubles and stories with me. It is just too amazing. It makes me feel like the opposite of when John Lennon sings "And you're making me feel like I've never be born" in "She Said She Said" by the Beatles. You're making me feel like I've been born again- only without God, just POSITIVITY!!!!!! 2. I'S BE TIME-CRUNCHIN'! It is just so Laura Jane of me (Laura Jane) to give myself three measly weeks to eradicate anorexia forever. I fear I may have bitten off a tad more than I can chew on this one! But it's alright; I kinda perform to the best of my abiltiies when challenged (three-year-old Laura learning to tie her shoelaces would probably disagree with me here) No worries, though! I will indeed eradicate anorexia forever in two weeks time, obviously. As much as all the amazing submissions I've received have rendered me the most sincerely grateful human being who ever walked the face of this goddamned planet, every letter I receive makes me think a thousand trillion thoughts, and I need to cap it all off someplace! As such, I just wanted to state For Thee Rekkid that the deadline for submissions is now Sunday, June 14th, so if you've been procrastinating getting back to me, you only have until Sunday now. SO GET ON IT, MY BROTHERS!!!!!!! Good day, Sunshines!
Laura Jane Faulds
Tags: eating disorder awareness, eating disorder recovery, help a brother out, Laura Jane Gives Back, Revolver
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Wednesday , June 3, 2009
Laura Jane Gives Back: HELP ME HELP ERADICATE ANOREXIA FOREVER! Dear Friends & Lovers: In exactly three weeks, I will be turning twenty-four years old. 24 is a very special birthday for me because a) it is my champagne birthday, b) I love the number 24 and am very superstitious about it (every day, at 6:24 PM- my birthday time!- I make a wish. I would do it at 6:24 AM, too, but I am very rarely awake at 6:24 AM), and c), it is "twenty-four and there's so much more" age. I am excited to be the most Neil Young-oriented amount of years old a person could possibly be. Somehow, in a surprise victory against all my most negative tendencies, I grew the fuck up this past year. Which means that I am now way less selfish than I used to be; occasionally, I am even selfless! Mind-blowing news, yes, I know. My point is, really, that I don't want really want clothes or records for my birthday this year. ALL I WANT FOR MY TWENTY-FOURTH BIRTHDAY IS TO HELP MAKE IT BE THAT NOBODY EVER HAS ANOREXIA AGAIN- or at least do my part to help other people who are suffering. Some other sub-goals of mine are: to educate as many people as I can about what anorexia really is; assist the loved ones of suffering anorexics with understanding how best to deal with what I know can be a terrifying situation, and; hopefully inspire other human beings who have lived through, or are living with, an eating disorder to be open with themselves and the Universe about what this experience truly constitutes. WE CANNOT SUFFER IN SILENCE! NO MORE SHAME! Over the course of my being sick, I have fallen victim to millions of setbacks stemming from the innocent ignorance of my friends, family, everyone, and anyone, which I mainly attribute to the media's massive misrepresentation of the anorexic experience. I want to aid in rectifying this by writing a sort of "The Young Person's Guide to Anorexia"-style article, to be posted to nogoodforme.com on Wednesday, June 24th, 2009- my 24th birthday. Writing this will be my gift to myself. Now for the part where you come in. I have a metric fuck-ton of things I can, want, and need to write down, but- I know exactly what the anorexic experience is like, and require that a significant portion of this piece is directed at people who don't know. I would love for this piece to benefit from the voices, stories, contributions, and questions of as many people as possible. Please send any information or inquiries at all whatsoever (seriously! ANYTHING!) to laurajanefaulds@gmail. Here are some jumping-off points to give you all an idea of what I am looking for: 1. This piece will undoubtedly be focused on anorexia, since I have no idea what it is like to have any other eating disorder. If you have dealt with bulimia or binge-eating in your life, I would HUGELY appreciate you sending me along as much "insider information" about your experience as possible, so that this article can be more inclusive. 2. Questions about how the hell to deal with it when someone in your life is obviously suffering. I know how helpless this can make people feel; I have watched it happen to everyone I love most in the world. Seriously, though- I CAN, AND WILL, HELP YOU THROUGH IT. 3. General questions about what it's actually like to have anorexia. Is there anything you've always wondered, or that has totally baffled you about how this happens to people? Ask me now! This is your chance! Don't be shy! In this life, there is no such thing as a stupid question. 4. If you have suffered or are suffering from anorexia, PLEASE SHARE YOUR STORY WITH ME. 5. Honestly, anything in the entire world. Just write it, and send it, and know that, in doing so, you are helping me help make the world a better place. If you like me at all, and want to give me a birthday present, your assistance with this project is ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY! Thank you Thank you Thank you! Also, PLEASE forward this along to everybody you've ever met in your entire life. Happy Early 24th, Laura Jane! Love,
Laura Jane, the most selfless Saint who ever lived (HA HA HA)
Tags: eating disorder awareness, eating disorder recovery, Laura Jane Gives Back, skeletons, you
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Wednesday , May 6, 2009
Laura Jane Gives Back: Your Handy Guide to Becoming a Twitter Genius
I may not have a lot to give, but what I got I'll give to you. So what do I got? Well, a few things, but the one I'm choosing to focus on tonight is my very magical gift for Twittering.
This entry is dedicated to all the people in my life who I am constantly pressuring to get Twitters, but will not, because they don't "get it" (I call such people "drags"). With the help of my Handy Guide to Becoming a Twitter Genius, even the most Twitter-averse people in the world will be Twittering with the best of 'em in no time flat. Take heed, my puppies!
1. A Little Negativity Goes a Long Way
Yesterday, I was hanging out at my Dad's apartment, and went outside for a cigarette. When I came back in, I noticed that the concierge was nowhere to be seen. He had been replaced by a sign reading "CONCIERGE WILL RETURN IN TEN MINUTES."
"What a fucking slacker!" I thought to myself. If I hadn't remembered to bring down my Dad's keyfob, my life would have been seriously inconvenienced by the concierge's absence. This pissed me off, so I came back upstairs and Twittered, "Concierge will return in ten minutes?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? Fucking SLACKER." Everybody got it.
Another time, I was walking down the street and saw a dude with an unkempt red Afro wearing a t-shirt boasting about his high tolerance for beer consumption and riding a unicycle. Instead of just scowling and kicking at a rock, as I would have in pre-Twitter life, I pulled out my cellphone and txted Twitter, "I just saw the hugest douchebag in the world." Everybody LOLed.
2. Similarly, So Does Positivity!
I find that generally, in this world, people are sad. Often, sad people like to hear outside parties talk about the shittiness of their lives, because it makes them feel better about their own troubles. I'm a big fan of capitalizing on such insecurities; next to Twittering, it's my #1 gift. Sometimes, though, sad people are so sad that their sadness turns into despair, and they like to hear about the radness of other people's lives, because it gives them hope. Next to Twittering and capitalizing on the insecurities of others, giving people hope is my #1 gift. I tend to be a really negative person, but I love animals. In my books, animals are always positive. So, when I want to give my Twitter followers hope, I write funny Twitters about the #1 animal in my life- my cat, Blake. Here are two of them:
I just fed Blake and accidentally put kibble into his water bowl it was so funny
Wow! blakes eyes are beautiful!
Since Twittering those Twitters, I've received hundreds of e-mails from fans letting me know that they were about to commit suicide, but then decided to get in one last pre-death Twitter check, read my uber-positive Blake Tweets, and realized that they wanted to live after all. This made me feel awesome about myself, as I'm sure you can imagine.
3. Develop a Shtick
Personally, my Twitter schtick is "Twittering about Snoopy constantly." Why? I don't know!
Earlier today, Twitter asked me what I was doing. I lied and told it that I was feeding Snoopy spaghetti. Why? I don't know! But it's funny, isn't it?
4. Keep the @ Messages to a Minimum
@ Messages: both boring and alienating! If one of your friends' Tweets is that good, just send them a goddamned e-mail. I wish I cared, but I don't care. Even your friend who just wrote the genius Tweet doesn't care very much. If you're in the mood for some social networking, log onto Facebook. Twitter isn't about other people. Twitter is about you.
5. When Worse comes to Worse, Copy Michael Ian Black
It is a well-known fact that Michael Ian Black's Twitter is the best Twitter in the world.
90% of why I rule at Twittering is because I rip off Michael Ian Black's Twittering style. It works for me; it'll work for you. In the words of MIB himself:
GO FOR IT!!!!!
6. Everybody Appreciates a Speidi-related Tweet
If there is one thing in the world that everybody can agree on, it's that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are worthless fucking morons. Seriously- imagine if you met somebody who liked Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag! That would be the weirdest thing in the world.
If you have a Twitter account, I highly recommend following both Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag's Twitters. They are absolutely enthralling, to say the least. The only exception to the "No @messages Rule" I laid out earlier is that one is allowed, not to mention encouraged, to facetiously respond to Speidi Tweets whenever one feels the urge. Earlier today, Heidi tweeted, "i love the sound of birds! what a way to wake up!!"
It would be perfectly acceptable to respond to this Tweet with, "I wish I could fucking shoot you in the fucking face."
7. Just Say Any Sentence
When it comes to Twitter (and life, something that Twitter is basically a microcosm of), it's always better to say something than nothing, unless it's an @ message, unless it's an ironic @ message directed towards Heidi Montag or Spencer Pratt.
If you are yet to find your Twitter voice (or, voce, as the Romans say), feel free to refer to my "Twitter Starter Kit" for Twitterspiration:
+ Describe the ice cream sundae of your dreams.
+ Do you have Swine Flu? Discuss.
+ Susan Boyle: Hot or Not?
+ How is the weather today?
+ Got any super-perverted fetishes? Do tell! I'm dying to know.
8. Describe What You're Eating
Are you eating something awesome right now? Are you eating something non-awesome right now? Cereal? Candy? Falafel? Moussaka? A beverage from Starbucks? A beverage from a coffee shop that isn't Starbucks? As a Twitterer, you now have an unwavering obligation to keep your followers in the know about every bite of food you consume. I care! You care! We all care!
9. Everyone Will Benefit From Your Wisdom
I'm smart, and maybe so are you! I stated earlier that Twitter is for you, but sometimes, Twitter is for them (your fans). For instance: I just remembered that, a couple sessions ago, my therapist told me "If you are feeling uncomfortable, it means you are in control of your problems."
I just Twittered that. I'm sure it helped you. @you- You're welcome.
10. Twitter: Like Drunk Dialing, Without the Repercussions!
Ohhhhh, Sweet Baby Drunk Dialing- my favourite hobby in the world, apparently. Doesn't it suck to get drunk, and want to drunk dial people, but then realize that you are a mature and refined enough indiividual not to drunk dial all the people you know who are obviously top-o'-the-line drunk dialin' material? In my opinion: OH GOD YES. Next time you're feeling the push to drunk dial, why not write a vaguely-worded Twitter post about your emotions toward that person? You'll regret it way less, and it will help your followers relate to you more.
My personal favourite "Tweet I wrote in lieu of drunk-dialing dudes" reads:
dudey duude dude duedddee dudes dudes DUDE duderson dude dude dude dude dude dude dudes forever
It is very obvious from the poor quality of this Tweet that I was in no state of mind to be drunk-dialing anybody, let alone a dude. I made the right choice. @Twitter- THANKS!!!!!
Tags: capitalizing on the insecurities of others, drags, Laura Jane Gives Back, Michael Ian Black, negativity, positivity, snoopy, Speidi, the weather, Twitter
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