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Tuesday , August 31, 2010

Have You Figured Out How Amazing "Monster" Is Yet?

Because it is.

"Monster" is so brilliant that it even manages to transcend the extreme stupidity of the lyric, "Have you ever had sex with a Pharaoh? Eguuuhhhhh I put the pussy in a sarcophagus." The rest of the Kanye verse is pretty cool, though. I get the impression he's in the midst of a total emotional breakdown these days, which is working really well for him. I hate when Kanye gets all glossy and fratty (fratty= like a frat boy). Speaking of emotional breakdowns, what the fuck is going on with Hov? I thought his scary breathey monster voice was just a gimmick employed to highlight the age/wisdom dichotomy of Jay vs. Drake in "Light Up," but apparently not. Apparently Jay-Z just sounds like a dragon all the time now, and that's something I have to accept about him. But, no, I don't know. I don't know if I can do that. The part where he talks about how his Achilles heel is love? It makes me feel uncomfortable, and kind of pity Jay. Why am I pitying Jay-Z? Jay-Z is emotionally manipulating me. But that's just part of the impressiveness of "Monster." I'm down to be emotionally manipulated by Kanye and Jay. By the way, if Jay-Z and Kanye West were John Lennon and Paul McCartney, who would be who? Please help me figure this out.

But really the whole point of "Monster" is the Nicki Minaj verse, and everybody knows that. Nicki Minaj is a genius. I don't know anything about Rick Ross or Bon Iver, so I have no opinions about their contributions to this song. Nicki Minaj is my hero.

Tags: ancient Egypt, emotional manipulation, genius, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj

Monday , August 16, 2010

All-Time Top 5: Most Underrated Madonna Songs Ever!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MADONNA!!!

In honor of a human being so iconic she needs no explanation! Last year Liz and I shared our all-time fave Madonna moments; this year, I thought I'd share the five most underrated songs in her canon ever (IMHO), 'cause you know, Madonna has some great songs and no one ever talks about her music and how happy-making so much of it is and that upsets me. The truth of the matter is that I'd choose to listen to a Madonna song over most things any day. MADONNA, WE LOVE YOU FOREVER! XOXOXO NOGOODFORME.COM

"I'll Remember"

"I'll Remember" is oddly of one of my favorite Madonnsky songs ever. Every time I hear those opening keyboards, I get all happy, and usually keyboards never make me happy when it comes to music. "I'll Remember" is kind of a nice bridge between that whole cold arty-Erotica thing and the romantic Bedtime Stories vibe. Apparently Madonna and Patrick Leonard were going for an early 80s AOR feel when they were working on this--you know, like Boston or Foreigner or something like that. I love that.

"Forbidden Love"

This is Madonna doing her best Sade impression and it's pretty hot. One of her few true makeout songs, it's hushed and mellow and relaxed. Those are not adjectives you usually apply to Madonna, right? It makes me want to ride in white Mercedes and date a drug dealer, or something randomly Miami Vice like that.

"Causing A Commotion"

I LOVE CUTE LITTLE "WHO'S THAT GIRL" ANIMATED MADONNA! I never get tired of posting this:

"Miles Away"

It's sometimes hard to be a Madonna fan lately, what with the Kabbalah stuff and the fashion line and the whole veins thing and the weirdness that was the Hard Candy record. Still, there are always some gems even on her most throwaway albums. This track and "Devil Wouldn't Recognize You" were mine on Hard Candy. This song is so about Guy Ritchie, right? "You always love me more miles away/You're not afraid to tell me miles away"? OH MADONNA :-(

"True Blue"

I think the whole True Blue record is entirely underrated. I've been listening to it lately and it's SO GOOD. Please believe me! Me and Chloe Sevigny think so! I have superfond memories of saving up my allowance for this record and buying the cassette at Musicland and thinking I was a hot shit kid. This wasn't my favorite song on the record when it first came out, but decades later and now it is. It's just such a sweet little ditty, plus the video has a pretty fantastic color scheme and I kind of dig those back-up singers' sweaters if they'd cover my midriff. Midriff coverage is very important to me, but it was not really to Madonna back in the day. She was a midriff-showing queen! That's why she's Madonna. Her belly button was a source of power, not angst!

And just for a bonus, I think this is the most existential Madonna song ever, even more than "Live To Tell":

"Easy Ride"

You can usually count on Madonna for some fun, but fun was hard to find on American Life. But if you forget this is Madonna, this song is pretty deep. Madonna can be deep and earnest! So take that, Joni Mitchell, you Madonna hater!

Tags: Happy Birthday Madonna, Madonna, True Blue is a genius record, underrated songs

Monday , July 19, 2010

Random Video Entry: Adam Ant Dances Goofy, Wears Hot Yellow Boots

Usually I'm pretty sure I've heard "Goody Two Shoes" more than enough for a thousand lifetimes, but the whole world is so shiny and new when Adam Ant puts on his hot yellow boots, lip-syncs to himself, and dances like I used to dance when I was 11-years-old and watched Dirty Dancing every other day. This video came my way via our buddy Marissa, who tweeted it yesterday along with the comment "If I were a profesh baseball player, the opening bars would be my at-bat music" - which is so smart!

Now I need to figure out what my at-bat music would be, if I too were a profesh baseball player. Probably "Cowgirl in the Sand" by Neil Young. If it's not taken already, I mean.

Tags: Adam Ant, baseball, Dirty Dancing, Marissa, Neil Young

Wednesday , July 14, 2010

Jenny Lewis Has New Songs For You, And For Me Too

Jenny Lewis made an album with her boyfriend Johnathan Rice, and then she wrote their names on her right leg in red cursive. That was so smart of Jenny! The band's called Jenny and Johnny and the album's called I'm Having Fun Now and it's out August 31 and if you go here you can download "Big Wave" and if you go here you can download "Scissor Runner." I don't love either song yet. But maybe I will very soon.

There's also this video of Jenny and Johnny driving a blue station wagon around the Valley and talking about how their record got its name, which is a sweet story indeed. I like Jenny's talking voice, and her sunglasses too.

Tags: Jenny and Johnny, Jenny Lewis, songs, the Valley

Saturday , July 10, 2010

Sonny & Cher are the Cutest Couple in the World!

This is so beautiful.

Cher in 1965 is my female beauty ideal. Her outfit is amazing, though nowhere near as amazing as Sonny's. Sonny's a Ringo!

They are so adorably in love with each other! The cutest parts:

1) At 1:33, Cher does a very cute little baby dance, and then Sonny sings "Put your little hand in mine," and she puts her little hand in his, and she does it in the cutest way possible. Cher loves Sonny so much!

2) At 1:51, right when Sonny starts to do that creepy thing where he goes up to the camera and sings the song to the audience in a psycho-seductive way that makes you think he's going to kill you, Cher does the cutest swingy-arms dance in the background!

3) The very end, when Sonny puts his arm around Cher and then kisses her. What a great life Sonny and Cher had, in 1965! It would be chill to get famous with your husband. Rest in Peace, Sonny.

Tags: Cher, cuteness, love, Ringo, Sonny and Cher, Sonny Bono

Monday , July 5, 2010

We're Obsessed: "Mary, Mary" by the Monkees & "Mary, Mary" by Run-DMC

Isn't it so wild that I lived the first 32 years, 6 months, and 3 days of my life never knowing that "Mary, Mary" by the Monkees is a song that exists? I discovered it last week while researching pre-1976 songs with "Mary" in the title, which is something I like to do sometimes, just for kicks. "Duh," said the Internet. "'Mary, Mary' by the Monkees is totally sampled in 'Mary, Mary' by Run-DMC, which was probably your favorite song when you were 10, after 'Just Like Paradise' by David Lee Roth, 'She's Like the Wind' by Patrick Swayze, and 'If It Isn't Love' by New Edition." Which is so true! And it was so cool of Run-DMC to sample the Monkees, and to rhyme "buggin'" with "huggin.'" I wish everybody always sampled the Monkees. I wish someone would sample "Porpoise Song"! Can someone please sample "Porpoise Song," as soon as possible?

In the meantime, here's the Monkees' "Mary, Mary":

God, are Davy Jones and Peter Tork OKAY? They same way stressed out. I like how Mike "Dreamiest Dude in the World" Nesmith is totally removed from the situation. I feel like I'd be totally removed from the situation too, if I were Mike Nesmith. Did Mike Nesmith have a tendency to remove himself from the situation, when he was in the Monkees? Did the Monkees like each other at all? I really wish I knew more about intra-Monkees relations, at least for the purposes of writing this post.

Anyway, here's Run-DMC's "Mary, Mary":

It must've been a really slow news day, the day that the National Daily News' number-one story was "RUN-DMC LAUGHS AT MARY MARY'S THREATS." Probably the only slower news day in history was that time I was playing Guitar Hero and did a halfway decent job on "Talk Dirty To Me" by Poison, and at the end the screen showed a newspaper with the top headline "CROWD AMUSED BY SOLID EFFORT." And isn't it so crazy when some van's bouncing all around and you're just sure that people are totally doing it inside but really they're bodybuilding? That happens to me a lot, at least once a week. Another thing I can totally count in life is that if I ever say "Well, I never!", my friend Wapner will respond "WELL, NOW YA DO!" in the exact same tone and cadence as Run, Jam-Master Jay, and DMC in the last few seconds of the "Mary, Mary" video. It's good to count on things.

Tags: 1988, bodybuilding, David Lee Roth, Mary, Mike Nesmith, Run-DMC, slow news days, The Monkees

Tuesday , June 29, 2010

We're Obsessed: Paul McCartney/Wings Singles From Long Ago & Far Away

I want all these, a lot.

juniors farm spanish.jpg

(If you could explain to me what's going on with Paul here, I'd really appreciate it.)

my love the mess.jpg

(If you could explain to me what's going on with everything here, I'd really appreciate that too.)

+ Continue reading "We're Obsessed: Paul McCartney/Wings Singles From Long Ago & Far Away"

Tags: hot fonts, Linda McCartney, margaritas, Michael Jackson, Paul McCartney, reggae, Wings

Thursday , June 24, 2010

Have You Watched The Courtney Love Behind The Music Yet?

You should watch it, even if you think you already know everything there is to know about Courtney Love, even if you read that Poppy Z. Brite bio five times when you were in college. Watch it online, here. Watch it right now! It's such wildness, and it made me cry. I can't believe I ever thought I was over Courtney. I'll never be over Courtney! I love her always and forever, especially when she talks about auditioning for the Mickey Mouse Club by reading a Sylvia Plath poem about incest (under the name "Coco Rodriguez" no less).

And you should also watch all the bonus clips, including the one above, in which Courtney talks about how her mom named her after the main character in some dime-store novel that actually sounds pretty rad to me, from Courtney's description. What's she saying, about how you always have to buy your pharmacist a plasma TV for Christmas? What, Courtney? I mean: "Coco"?

Tags: Chocolates For Breakfast, Courtney Love, pharmacists, Sylvia Plath, the Mickey Mouse Club

Friday , June 18, 2010

Random Video Entry: Paul McCartney As Some Sort Of Ice Punk From The Future, With Cruella De Vil Hair

Hi, I just want to say that I'm really impressed with myself for having seen Give My Regards To Broad Street when I was six and not spent my whole life being creeped out by memories of Paul McCartney as some sort of ice punk from the future, with Cruella De Vil hair.

I mean, it's not that creepy, I guess: Paul still looks like a puppy, and the moonwalking robot is a nice distraction. Probably six-year-old me was all, "Wow, this Paul McCartney guy is way edgy - better keep an eye on him!" Or something to that effect. Which was smart of me.

Also, I really dig the subtitles at the chorus. I love you too, Paul.

(via Roger Ebert, who turns 68 today, just like Paul)

Tags: birthdays, Cruella De Vil, ice punks from the future, Paul McCartney, the moonwalk

Happy Birthday, Paul McCartney!

We got you a PUPPY!

xo Liz, Laura Jane, and the Dashingest John Lennon There Ever Was*

(*according to Barker)

Tags: birthday boys, Paul McCartney, puppies

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