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Tuesday , March 9, 2010

Random Picture Entry: The Greatest Photograph Ever Taken

They totally still hang out like this all the time, right?

Tags: David Lee Roth, Sean Penn, The Beastie Boys

Thursday , February 18, 2010

Random Picture Entry: Christina Hendricks on the Cover of New York's Spring Fashion Issue

I think the spring fashion issue of New York's been on the stands for a lil bit, but my mailman likes to hide things from me and, as such, the magazine only just mysteriously materialized under a plant by my front door sometime earlier this evening. But it's worth the wait, as I'm still so over the moon for Christina Hendricks and just tickled pink to see her on the cover. I'm also really envious about that vintage bustier she's wearing on page 73, and I now almost kind of get why old-timey dudes say stuff like "Hubba-hubba!" when confronted with some insanely smokin' babe. Don't you start saying it though, dudes of today. Please.

P.S. I can't wait to find out what Gilt Groupe's doing to fashion!

Tags: Christina Hendricks, Joan Holloway, lingerie, New York magazine, slacker mailmen, smokin' babes

Monday , February 15, 2010

Dear Oscar, Please Give All The Awards To Adam "MCA" Yauch

I'm so happy at this LA Weekly article for restoring my faith in the coolness of Adam "MCA" Yauch, whose film-distro company put out a coupla movies that got nominated for Academy Awards this year. For a long while I was scared that MCA had turned irrevocably boring, and in me and LJ's amazing look at The Beastie Boys Through the Ages I even whined at the universe: "MCA doesn't seem like MCA anymore to me, at all. I miss MCA. Where is MCA?" But MCA is right here, making sandwiches for Harvey Weinstein, questioning the sanity of the good people of Denmark, generally being awesome and grown-up-ly bad-ass, and - in this photo at least - looking almost exactly like the dude I dated in the summer of 2008. MCA = UNSTOPPABLE. For more proof here's "Professor Booty," which is my fave MCA moment aside from the part in the "Hey Ladies" video where he underwater-raps the "makin' love in the back of my Coupe De Ville" lyric while scuba-diving in a pool.

Tags: Academy Awards, Adam Yauch, Danish people, Harvey Weinstein, movies, scuba-diving, The Beastie Boys

Tuesday , February 2, 2010

Patti Smith & The Fellow With The Cowboy Mouth

Last week I attended three events at which Patti Smith read from her beautiful book Just Kids, which you will BUY RIGHT NOW and never want to stop reading. Of all the stories she told, my favorite's about this babe named Slim Shadow, who played drums in the Holy Modal Rounders: Patti first meets him backstage at one of his shows in 1970, asks to interview him for Crawdaddy, and then he keeps showing up at her door to take her out for late-night strolls around New York City. One day, when Patti's just been told she's anemic and needs to eat some red meat, she goes out and steals a couple of steaks from Gristede's, runs into Slim on the street, walks around with him a while before admitting she's got two raw steaks in her pocket. They go back to her room and fry the meat on a hot plate, and a few days later he takes her out for lobster at Max's Kansas City, where Patti worries that "this handsome hillbilly might not have the money to pay the check." The punchline's when Patti wraps up a lobster claw in a napkin to bring to Jackie Curtis in the bathroom, and it's revealed that Slim Shadow is really Sam Shepard, the hot-shot playwright/actor/Obie-winner. Patti goes back to the table and Slim owns up to his true identity, then gets her a vanilla sundae with chocolate sauce. The best part's when he says "Eat your ice cream, Patti Lee." He "drawls like W.C. Fields"; he's "the fellow with the cowboy mouth."

Of course, Patti tells it a trillion times better. And she and Sam/Slim look lots sweeter in this shot than the one above, but I'm such a sucker for some Buddy Holly graffiti. But all that matter is you need to BUY THIS BOOK, and then tell me what's your favorite part. Cool?

Tags: 1970, books, ice cream sundaes, love, New York City, Patti Smith

Thursday , January 28, 2010

Random Picture Entry: Savannah, Georgia is the Disneyland of Laura Jane

LEFT: The street in Savannah looks like 101 Dalmatians!!!; RIGHT: weeping willows are way cooler than weeping cuz you fell on ice

I haven't been mean enough to the winter on nogoodforme.com this year.

It's motherfucking freezing out, and I want to fucking die, kind of. It's the intense sort of cold where your fingers go numb through your mittens, and your fingers hurt, and that can't be healthy for you, you know? The asshole wind is an asshole, and it slaps you around like you're its bitch. To make matters worse, my glasses fog up anytime I walk into Starbucks. This is not okay.

On my way to Starbucks this afternoon, I slipped on the ice and took the hugest fucking spill. This group of douchey little pre-teen boys saw it all go down, and they started yelling "Ha-ha" to me, in the "Nelson from The Simpsons" way. It was humiliating, and I wished I could kill them. I wanted to scream, "DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW FUCKING LAME YOU ARE FOR MAKING FUN OF ME IN A NELSON MUNTZ VOICE???" but instead, I threw my hands up in the air and said "Yeah. I fell," and then moved on with my life, only now I have a really painful bruise-y gash thing on my left thigh.

Sometimes, when it's unbearably cold out, I like to imagine myself using my Mother's credit card information to purchase an airplane ticket to Savannah, Georgia, and then hang out in the sunshine until my parents get wise to what I've done. I'm never going to do this, obviously, but it's so tempting. What could the repercussions possibly be? What could my parents really do about it? They'd be fucking pissed, understandably, but it's not like they'd stop loving me. BUT DON'T WORRY, MOM, I'M NOT GOING TO STEAL YOUR CREDIT CARD AND RUN AWAY TO SAVANNAH.

Instead, I came home, nursed my wounds, and looked at pictures of Savannah, Georgia on the Internet. Savannah is the city of my soul. I'm so stoked to be a sixty-year-old writer in my Savannah mansion one day. Fuck the winter. Here's Savannah:

LEFT: This townhouse is a little chintzy for my tastes but u take what u can get in this life u know????; RIGHT: This one's actually haunted in real life so that's pretty awesome

CLICK BEHIND THE JUMP FOR THREE COUNT 'EM THREE MORE SAVANNAH MANSIONS!!!!!!

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Tags: adolescent males are the worst people on the planet, credit card theft, Georgia, Laura hates winter, mansions, Random Picture Entry, Savannah

Wednesday , January 27, 2010

Random Picture Entry: Courtney Love Wears The Hell Outta Her Putumayo Hoodie

Courtney Love posted this Twitpic earlier this evening - doesn't she look so great? I want her hoodie but then I don't, as I'm pretty sure it'd only work if I were Courtney-sized instead of my actual shortstack self. Speaking of Courtney and Twitter, it was so stupid when Videogum linked to this fun little post and Tweeted: "Apparently I'm the only one with the balls to say it: Courtney Love is a mess." Like, really? Cuz she seems kinda non-messy to me and, also: in what universe does it take "balls" to assert that Courtney Love is a mess? Where I come from, that's practically all anyone ever says about Courtney Love. Maybe Videogum lives in Oppositeland, or some magical place where every day is Opposite Day, like on that episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. And remember that other episode where it was live action and SpongeBob was played by a kitchen sponge? Dude, that was so totally trippy.

Tags: Courtney Love, height envy, hoodies, SpongeBob SquarePants, Twitter

Wednesday , January 6, 2010

Random Picture Entry: Charley Harper

Why did no one tell me about Charley Harper earlier in my life?!!!! I confess that I don't know much about illustrators as I'd like, but I saw Charley Harper: An Illustrated Life at Barnes & Nobles and was floored by how bold and whimsical his work is. It's one of those things where you just have an instinctive reaction to it, and my particular instinctive reaction was pure happiness and joy. How can you not feel these emotions when you look at his stylized, utterly charming drawings and paintings of wildlife? I love the color sense of his illustrations, and the way they have both simplicity and complexity: the forms themselves are simple, but the arrangement of elements in the space has an intricacy that makes you feel like you are looking at the world's happiest puzzles. I'm especially fond of his illustrations of birds, and he must have been awfully fond of winged creatures as well, because he drew and painted many of them.

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Tags: birds, Charley Harper, illustration

Saturday , October 24, 2009

Random Picture Entry: "Dynamism of a Dog on a Leash" (and "Jet"!)

Dynamism of a Dog on a Leash by Giacomo Balla is one of my favourite paintings of all time. The other day, I really felt like looking at it, but couldn't remember either it or Giacomo Balla's name. I tried Googling "painting dog walking fast", which led me only to a database of online tutorials teaching me how to paint a child's face to resemble a dog's. Which is good to know, but didn't quite hit the spot. So, I Facebook messaged my ex-boyfriend, who told me the truth. I like this painting because it is brilliant and cute at the same time, just like

Jet by Paul McCartney & Wings:

Which is definitely today's Wings Song of Today.

Tags: dogs, ex-boyfriends, face-painting, Facebook, Giacomo Balla, Google, paintings, Paul McCartney, puppies

Saturday , October 17, 2009

Random Picture Entry: Marianne Faithfull Revealed as Nail-Biter!!!

My name is Laura Jane, and I bite the shit out of my nails. It really embarrasses me, but I can't stop doing it, because a) it's fun, and b) I figure if I quit doing something, it should be smoking cigarettes. And then I think about how terrible it would be to quit smoking without having nail-biting to fall back on, and then I think about how terrible it would be to quit smoking period, and such is the cold, hard truth of why I am a filthy nail-biting cigarette smoker.

It's really nice, in life, when I encounter other nail-biters along my travels. It makes me feel like I am less of a weird freak than I thought I was, and it's always validating to relate to another human being re: the sadistic satisfaction of ripping off cuticle skin with your maxillary incisors. Lovely! I've always suspected that Marianne Faithfull and I would take to each other like white on rice- she's a late-December Capricorn, and I really dig those people. We're both defined by sweetheart/asshole dichotomies, have "F" last names, and also we both dated Mick Jagger, or one of us did at least.

Today, while poring through photographs taken by Stephanie Chernikowski (easily my favourite rock photographer of all-time; check out the maximum sexiness of her Tom Verlaine portrait), I came across this snap of Marianne Faithfull, which exposes some SERIOUS bit-nail damage. I'M NOT ALONE!!! If Marianne Faithfull is a nail-biter, than I can, and should, be a nail-biter too. Nail-biting is COOL. It's SEXY, and BEAUTIFUL. Maybe it's time for a NAIL-BITING RENAISSANCE. Perhaps Alexa Chung should start biting her nails?

My favourite part of this portrait is the jaggedness of Marianne's middle-finger cuticle. I SO RELATE TO THAT!!!

Tags: Alexa Chung, Capricorns, F last names, Laura Jane Faulds, Marianne Faithfull, nail-biting, smoking, Stephanie Chernikowski, Tom Verlaine

Sunday , October 11, 2009

Random Video Entry: Stella, "Le Vampire"

After June, October is easily the second-grooviest month of the year. John Lennon's birthday, wack-attack Libra/Scorpio vibes in effect, & have y'all tried Ginger Gold apples yet? Oh my God. Like Golden Delicii, only softer, and with a ginger kick! This weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving, which means I get to eat my Dad's sweet potatoes tonight, and I'm STOKED. I am thankful for sweet potatoes, my friends, my family, my great eyebrows, Paul McCartney, Coffee Crisp bars* and Hallowe'en!

Hallowe'en is on its way! Hallowe'en is the best holiday. Compared to Hallowe'en, all the other holidays totally blow and aren't even worth mentioning. This senseless wild night where we embrace wickedness, with CANDY and COSTUMES and it is socially acceptable to throw eggs at your enemies' dumb houses! For once! If I ever have a kid, I'm going to rig my pregnancy so that my first-born daughter is a Hallowe'en Scorpio, just like Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz. I am really into dragging out Hallowe'en festivities for the entire month of October, just like the tarot card reader on Dundas Street, who recently put up a sign in her window reading "Wicked Witch Way," which I think should be the name of a Mary Timony song.

Anyway, let us all celebrate a twenty-days early Hallowe'en this sunny autumn Sunday by watching this sick Scopitone vid for Stella's "Le Vampire", because if there's one thing everyone in the world can agree on, it's that bubbly French girl pop from the sixties is kinda officially "the shit." This song has a killer Hallowe'en bent, features shrieky back-up vocals from a ghost, Stella is wildly adorable, and, over the course of my writing this sentence, I just decided that the dancey vampire dude in all black fake-playing a fake giant guitar is my Dream Dude. Spooky!!!

*I just want to say a few words about Coffee Crisp bars right now. Dear Residents of the United States of America: I pity you. America is a candy bar wasteland. No Caramilks, no Aeros, no COFFEE CRISPS. When I was a little kid, I hated Coffee Crisps, because I was a little kid, and hadn't acquired my now-passionate taste for coffee yet, so I would give all my Hallowe'en-stash Coffee Crisps to my Dad. "Coffee Crisp bars are for grown-ups," I would think. AND NOW I LOVE COFFEE CRISP BARS SOOOOOOOO MUCH! Which means I'm a grown-up. Awesome!

Tags: Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz, Hallowe'en, Hallowe'en Scorpios, Mary Timony, October, Scopitone, Scorpios, Ye-Ye

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