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Tuesday , April 6, 2010
Madonna's Desperately Seeking Susan Jacket Could Be ALL YOURS! (If We Were In 1985 Right Now)
Just for kicks, I'm (re-)reading the complete Spin archives. Here's a little something from October 1985.
OH GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED OUT ON THIS! Apparently, in 1985, you could cut out an order form from a magazine, write a check for $54.95, and send away for a jacket just like the one Madonna and Rosanna Arquette wore in Desperately Seeking Susan. It's specially rendered by a well-known New York fashion designer! It has a stunning mystic eye! It's unique, fashionable, fun. I want, I want, I want.
I wonder how many jackets they ended up making? I wonder how many still exist? Do you have an official Desperately Seeking Susan jacket? Please sell it to me. I will pay you seven million dollars.
P.S. Also in this issue there's this front-of-the-book piece with actual horoscopes from the days Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Elvis Presley, Mama Cass, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison died. Which sounds kinda cool and exciting, but really it's mostly depressing. Go figure.
P.P.S. I skipped the September '85 issue. The most interesting thing was Lydia Lunch interviewing Pat Benatar, and I basically couldn't give a damn, or even half a damn. Furthermore, I think the world would be a far better place if people stopped thinking it's awesome to karaoke "Love Is A Battlefield." Like, if a world where John Lennon thinks "Everybody smoke pot" is a good lyric and Laura can't tell the difference between the White Stripes and the Fiery Furnaces is a ZERO, and actual life is a FIVE, then a "Love Is A Battlefield"-karaoke-free existence would be a PERFECT TEN. So let's all try to elevate ourselves to that level from now on. Deal?
Tags: astrology, death, Desperately Seeking Susan, John Lennon, living our best life, Madonna, not caring about Pat Benatar or Lydia Lunch, Spin, stunning mystic eyes, the Fiery Furnaces are different from the White Stripes
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Tuesday , March 30, 2010
From the Spin Archives: Maybe the Dumbest Goddamn Thing Thurston Moore's Ever Said
Just for kicks, I'm (re-)reading the complete Spin archives, starting with the premiere issue. Here's the best of August 1985.
Annie Lennox is on the cover, which is cool. And there's features on Ike Turner and Leonard Cohen and Weird Al, which are also cool. But the most exciting thing is a back-of-the-book story on this sorta-new band called Sonic Youth, and it ends like this:
"They may already be a major attraction in some European cities, such as Berlin (where they're 'treated like the Monkees,' according to Thurston), but their sound has too much barbed wire in it for digestion by America's all-important radio stations. Similarly, their chances for placing a video on MTV seem nil, and they've even collected some powerful detractors in the media. Foremost among these is [Robert] Christgau, with whom Thurston waged a personal letter-battle regarding the Voice's treatment of New York bands in general and Sonic Youth in particular.
When asked if he's afraid this means that he'll never get a chance to teach the world to sing, Moore looks thoughtful for a moment.
'Maybe, but I always felt more like teaching the world to singe, anyway,' he replies.
On the corner lies a tire. Smoldering."
OH THURSTON. Oh little/gigantic 27-year-old Thurston "The Ringo Starr of nogoodforme.com" Moore. What the hell does it mean to be "treated like the Monkees," anyway? That sounds kinda awesome. And don't worry, your videos will be on MTV soon enough! I love you, sincerely - singeingly, even.
*
Also, apparently Lou Reed used to do ads for scooters.
Tags: scooters, smoldering tires, Thurston Moore is the Ringo Starr of nogoodforme.com
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Tuesday , March 23, 2010
From the Spin Archives: Nick Cave Is A Babe, The Beastie Boys Live On Fluffernutters & Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Just for kicks, I'm (re-)reading the complete Spin archives, starting with the premiere issue. Here's the best of July 1985. Sting's on the cover, in his swim trunks. I bet the big feature on Muhammad Ali is really great, but I didn't read it, on account of the fact that I basically don't care (sorry, sincerely). And there's also a story on Lone Justice, whose lead singer I very much wanted to look like when I was eight. Other good stuff: I. SERIOUSLY THE SECOND-BEST THING EVER WRITTEN ABOUT THE BEASTIE BOYS. The first is this, obviously. But "Beastie Boys Are The Bigfoot of Rap" is a real close runner-up; I truly learned so much about what it means to be a Beastie Boy in 1985. An excerpt: "If we opened a Beastie Boy refrigerator, we'd find peanut butter and Marshmallow Fluff next to a bag of granola, fresh orange juice, Gatorade, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee ravioli (red can), Rice-a-Roni, but no peas. Beastie Boys don't eat peas." There's also stuff about how Beastie Boys love underage girls, if you think Rice-a-Roni is boring. And isn't it so funny the caption in the above photo misidentifies MCA as Ad-Rock, and vice versa, and how that doesn't even look like Ad-Rock at all? II. GOD, NICK CAVE - WHAT A BABE YOU WERE. And this is a fun interview. First Q: "Do you live recklessly?" A: "I wouldn't consider it reckless...that's the wrong word. I'd describe the way I live as a gradual deadening process which has been going on for a long time." COOL. III. AND HENRY ROLLINS, AGAIN. Way less informative than the Beastie Boys piece; the only exciting thing I learned in this edition of Rollins's backpage column is that, in the late '70s, girls used to have "'Bruce parties,' where they would sit around, cry and play Bruce Springsteen records." Grrrrrr...just when I'd started making peace with the fact that I was born about 15 years too late for the rock life I was meant to live, Rollins just rips the wound wide open again. Such an asshole.
Tags: Bruce Springsteen, Henry Rollins, Nick Cave, nostalgia, Rice-a-Roni, Spin, The Beastie Boys
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Tuesday , March 16, 2010
From the Spin Archives: Henry Rollins Hearts 7-11, I Heart Julie Brown
Just for kicks, I'm (re-)reading the complete Spin archives, starting with the premiere issue. Here's the best of June 1985.
God! June of 1985 was the most boring month ever, apparently. This issue's kind of a snore, unless maybe you care a lot about the Smiths, "an intriguing new group from England." Three other pieces possibly worth scrolling through:
1. JULIE BROWN: HOMECOMING QUEEN WITH A BULLET?
Oh, Julie Brown! The other Julie Brown. One night last autumn Cathy and I were driving home from a bar and she was all, "I wanna play you this song, it's called 'I Like 'Em Big and Stupid,' and I was like, "Duh, Cathy, of course I know 'I Like 'Em Big and Stupid' - that's, like, my jam,*" and then she put the song on and it was the most fun. My favorite lyric: "I met a guy, he drives a truck/He can't tell time, but he sure can drive!" I soooo miss "Just Say Julie," but this article's sorta dull as dishwater. Sample question: "Do you list yourself as a comedian on your income tax?" Like, really, Spin? The only cool part's when Julie says she wants to make a movie with David Lee Roth, and lord am I sorry that never happened.
It's Tatum O'Neal and John McEnroe, that's who "America's Couple" is. "In a strange, Hollywood way, are John McEnroe and Tatum O'Neal our Prince Charles and Lady Di?" asks the dek, creepy-amusingly. The editorial's gossipy and weirdly angry, and really the only cool thing about stumbling across this story was getting inspired to Wikipedia-research John McEnroe's romantic history and learning he's married to Patty Smyth and that Patty Smyth used to be married to Richard Hell - wow! P.S. Isn't it funny when people think Patty Smyth and Patti Smith are the same person?
3. "THANK HEAVEN FOR 7-11" BY HENRY ROLLINS
If you're looking for incisive and riveting commentary on the unassailable awesomeness of 7-11, you should probably read nogoodforme.com instead of this back-page column by President Garfield. But that pic's kinda cute. No? Yeah, maybe: no. Jon Bon Jovi's waaaaay cuter, obvs:
*Kidding, halfway.
Tags: 7-Eleven, David Lee Roth, Henry Rollins, John McEnroe, Jon Bon Jovi, Julie Brown, Patty Smyth vs Patti Smith, Richard Hell, Spin, Tatum O'Neal, The Smiths
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Wednesday , March 10, 2010
From the Spin Archives: Madonna Eats Out Of Garbage Cans, Maintains A Lint-Free Belly Button
So the complete archives of Spin magazine are now available on Google books - every issue, in its entirety, ads and all. It's total porn for bonkers-nostalgic rock-nerd girls like me, I'm trolling through each issue one by one starting with the May '85 premiere and it's just such a trip. A few highlights from that first ish: an interview with U2, whose lead singer's this dude by the name of "Bono Vox"; a David Lee Roth-authored column on how to pimp your lowrider; a really amazing Pontiac ad starring Hall & Oates; plus some back-page story about this sorta-new band called the Red Hot Chili Peppers who say lots of stupid stuff but hey maybe they're really going places! And, of course, there's the cover story on Madonna, who is 26 and writes all her songs "with aerobics in mind" and so wins the Liz Barker award for "Best Madonna Ever." Some good quotes:
"WHEN WE'D RUN OUT OF MONEY, I'd pass by the garbage can in the lobby of the Music Building, and if it smelled really good - like if there was a Burger King bag sitting on top that someone had just deposited - I'd open it up, and if I was lucky, there would be French fries that hadn't been eaten. I'm a vegetarian, which is why I didn't eat the burger."
"MY FAVORITE BUTTON IS MY BELLY BUTTON. I have the most perfect belly button: an inny, and there's no lint in it. I never wore a jewel in my belly, but if I did it would be a ruby or an emerald, but not a diamond. When I stick my finger in my belly button, I feel a nerve in the center of my body shoot up my spine. If 100 belly buttons were lined up against a wall, I could definitely pick out which one is mine."
"I WAS NEVER A GIRL SCOUT, but I was a Campfire Girl and a Brownie. Campfire Girls had the cooler uniform. I was never good at being part of an organization. When I was a Brownie, I ate all the cookies. When I was a Campfire Girl, I'd camp out with the boys and get into trouble."
Tags: 1985, belly buttons, BONO VOX???, Burger King, David Lee Roth, Girl Scouts, Madonna, magazines, Red Hot Chili Peppers
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