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Sunday , July 12, 2009
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane: St. Clair Ave. Goodwill, 07.11.09
A lot has happened since the last time I Thrift Scored. From most to least psychologically significant: I started liking the Kinks way more, I aged a year, and I 70% recovered from an eating disorder. Hooray! In the words of John Winston Lennon, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." I would amend this to say, "Life is what happens in between Goodwill trips, apparently."
At this (awesome) point in my life, it feels counter-intuitive to post show-off-y photographs of myself wearing children's clothing to the Internet. But- In the grand tradition of my being overly and unexpectedly revealing in Thrift Scores posts- it's cool to be able to report what a chill and posi- time I had taking these "My New Clothes!" pictures. When I was living in anorexia hell, nogoodforme.com photoshoots were total self-torture. I would spend hours taking hundreds of photos, trying to get one that proved I was emaciated enough. I would contort my body into poses best-suited to maximum bone-jutting; I would always cry.
Today, every one of these pictures is a one-shot, because whatever- I look like whatever I look like and there's not really anything I can do about that. I'm sure I look fine, if not awesome, because I scored into some seriously awesome shit yesterday and, like, who wouldn't look awesome in this shit this awesome? I don't know. Maybe a loser. Not me, though. I look awesome.
1. THE SWEATER OF INCONVENIENCE: This sweater is adorable, obviously. I'm sure I will enjoy wearing it on the one day of the year the weather permits it- September 24th, perhaps? Cool breeze, sunshine-y, with high-waisted jeans and my Iron Maiden high-tops. It would be good third-date wear. Maybe I will be at a "third-date" place in my life by September 24th. Yesterday one of my friends suggested that I try to use nogoodforme.com as a dating site, like, for myself to find a great dude. "Um, I think that's implicit," I thought.
PS: Today I hung out with my mother, who congratulated me on "coming across as less desperate" on nogoodforme.com these days. Sorry to disappoint you with this one, Mom!
2. A CARIBBEAN GYMNASTICS UNIFORM FROM THE 1974 OLYMPICS: Hi. It's a leotard. The turquoise sparkles subtly. It is the exact same colour as the sporty Mazda Precidia my Father drove throughout my adolescence. I am fond of it. I predict that I will wear this leotard a lot in my life. It's "sporty."
3. J.CREW ON J.CRACK, INSTALLMENT ONE BILLION: As a rule, skirts don't jibe with my lifestyle. Pairing a skirt with a t-shirt is way lamer than the unstoppable combo of "t-shirt + shorts," and then how could I ever choose "skirt + shirt" over a kicky, beautiful sundress? I couldn't, is the point. This skirt, however, is the exception to the rule. It is perfectly in line with every principle of Stoner Girl Chic. It is made out of t-shirt material, and it has pockets. Deep ones, no less! I am wearing this skirt in real life, at this exact second. Earlier today, I wore it with a plain striped Oxford, and it looked pretty Cape Cod-ly sexy; now, I am wearing it with my Animal Liberation/Human Liberation t-shirt. It looks kind of bad, but I don't care, because it's really comfortable, and I know exactly where my lighter is. In my pocket.
4. "MARC JACOBS FOR CHILDHOOD" PURSE: What I mean by "Marc Jacobs for Childhood" is, imagine a parallel Universe wherein the Marc Jacobs empire was responsible for outfitting every single child in the world. And maybe he would design, like, the kindergarten classrooms, and textbooks and things. If this were the case, I should hope that he'd make it the rule that all little girls were required to have one of these wee purses, in the colour that best reflects the essence of their personality. I would be red. This is my exact "Marc Jacobs for Childhood" purse. Unfortunately, the only people who will ever see me wearing it are a) Starbucks employees, b) 7-11 employees, and c) people who run into me on the way to Starbucks or 7-11. I would never own a notebook teensy enough to fit into it, and not having my notebook around gives me stupid anxiety, unless I am dashing out to buy a venti (is Venti supposed to be capitalized?) iced Americano, cigarettes, or a Big Gulp. Tragic.
PS: I think "putting a purse on your head" is a very hilarious thing to do. Clearly.
Tags: eating disorder recovery, J.Crew on J.Crack, Laura loves the Kinks, looking awesome, Marc Jacobs for Childhood, Mazdas, pockets, Stoner Girl Chic, the Olympics, Thrift Scores
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Friday , April 17, 2009
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane: The Goodwill by Square One Shopping Centre in Mississauga, Ontario, 04.13.09
A QUITE SERIOUS DISCLAIMER, PRESENTED NON-SERIOUSLY: If you have eyes, you have probably noticed that, in the photographs below, I look like an emacio-skeletor. As an adamant anti-Fashion Industrial Complexicator, I feel it is my duty to make clear that I don't think it is cool to look like this! I am crazy-skinny because I have a sucky life-ruiner of a disease. Recovering from anorexia is a full-time job, but I am persevering, and I hope I will look healthier on nogoodforme.com soon. Despite my having a crappy, annoying mental illness, I remain cute, cool, awesome, and have killer personal style. Living with an eating disorder has held me back a lot in my life, and I am not going to let this shitbox disease prevent me from sharing my latest haul of thrifted goodies with the world.
ALSO: If you are reading this, and struggle/have struggled with the intensely hellish experience of living with an eating disorder, please do not hesitate to write me at laura@nogoodforme.com to confide, confess or commiserate. We can't suffer in silence! NO MORE SHAME!
Anyway, now let's move on to the part where I write about clothes and stuff:
1. The "Old Yeller" of tank tops: Like Old Yeller, this tank top is the greatest dog in the West. Another Old Yeller/this tank top commonality is that they are both yellow, or, yeller, as they say back in Civil War-era Texas.This knit tank inspires me to reflect upon the countless hours of my life spent working in retail. See, working in dumbfuck retail can occasionally be semi-satisfying when you are faced with an opportunity to make women feel less like shit about their bodies. One way that I have made women feel less like shit about their bodies in my life is by communicating the following wisdom: I don't believe in sizes, and neither should you. This tank top is an ace example of why it is dumb to believe in sizes. It is quite clearly too big for me, but its bigness paves way to the very best part of it, which is the lovely draping effect at the neckline. Ergo: once you stop believing in sizes, you may very well find that you are wearing the greatest dog in the West, and you will be pleased about it.
2. Joan Collins Chic, The Necklace Edition: When I wear this necklace, the ghost of Alexis Carrington takes possession of my soul. You can see that this is true by the dangerous, icy facial expression I have adopted in the Alexis Carrington Necklace picture. I have a lot of hate in my heart, and this necklace helps me express my life-oriented anathema through my countenance, not to mention necklace choice. By the way, Alexis Carrington is a character on Dynasty, not Dallas. I thought otherwise, before Googling Alexis Carrington ten seconds ago. Dynasty is the Colbys and the Carringtons; Dallas is the Ewings, and the dad from Step by Step.
3. Pinemanimals: The term "pinemanimals" is, in case you're wondering (which I know you are, you curious case of Benjamin "Button," you!), a play on the term "cinemanimals," which is not a real term outside the nogoodforme.com-i-verse. But the thing about spending the vast majority of my time inside the nogoodforme.com-i-verse while shunning the day-to-day operations that make the actual-i-verse go round-and-round is: (drum roll) I like the nogoodforme.com-i-verse heaps better! So pinemanimals it is.
I think the Inuit whale pin is sort of lame, because it reminds me of how, when you're Canadian, you are constantly bombarded with Inuit art, sculpture, and imagery, and are made to feel like an evil pillager for not flipping your lid over how powerful and cool it is. But this one's okay, as far as annoying Inuit art goes. The elephant one is better because whoever carved it did a really shit job of carving it, so it's scrappy. Also, the carver abandoned his Inuit influence and went for "no influence," with great success. But obvsduh the real pick of the litter is the New Westminster mouse-dog with the shit-eating grin on his stupid little non-face. Imagine how lame the person whose spirit animal is this mouse-dog must be. It's kind of sad, actually.
4. Laura Jane Goes to Rishikesh, Pt. 112,000,056: If I ever go to Rishkesh, I'll have a lot of shit to wear, since anytime I look down and notice that I am typing up a nogoodforme post, it seems that I am writing about an item of clothing that would be well-suited to the inevitable Rishikesh trip I will one day take. But, then again, would I really want to wear this dress in Rishikesh? I like to stand out from the pack a la a black sheep, white black stallion, or stripeless tiger. The reality of the situation is that, in Rishikesh, I'd probably want to wear hi-tek fabrics, Alexandre Herchcovitch, and logo tees. So I guess I'll just boring old wear this dress in Toronto this summer. Sweet.
5. Joan Collins Chic, The High-waisted Skirt Edition: I am really stoked that my most recent Goodwill jaunt has encouraged me to experiment with the myriad possibilities of what shall heretofore be known as "Snooty Eighties Redux." This skirt is kind of boring, but nine out of ten personal stylists agree that every woman should own a high-waisted pencil skirt. Thanks to Joan Collins, I am now one of those women. Actually, no thanks to Joan Collins. Joan Collins has nothing to do with my recent acquisition of a high-waisted pencil skirt. I hate you, Joan Collins. You take, take, take, and you never give.
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Tags: Alexandre Herchcovitch, Alexis Carrington, Built By Wendy, Civil War-era Texas, drunk self-portraits, eating disorder awareness, eating disorder recovery, Gloria Vanderbilt, I hate Inuit art, Joan Collins, Laura Jane Faulds, Laura loves Matthew Friedberger, Old Yeller, Patrick Duffy, pinemanimals, pomegranates, Rishikesh, Snooty Eighties Redux, Stop Spamming Me iPopperz
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Saturday , February 21, 2009
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane: St. Clair Ave. Goodwill, 02.09.09
1. PLAID WOOL BERET: This wee caperoo is my baby brother. I want to coo it some lullabies. It's so fab when you find a hat that looks better on you than your actual hairstyle. That way, you can put absolutely no effort into making your hair look good, and channel your displaced hair energy into bigger and better things, like doing crossword puzzles and thinking about dudes. Buying this hat conveniently intersected with a legendarily heinous Bad Hair Fortnight in my life, but nobody would ever have known if I hadn't just outed it right now, because they were too busy being cuted out by my so-cute hat!
2. FRILLY LASER-CUT COLLARED SHIRT: Last night, I drunked-ly wrote a note in my notebook reminding myself that it has been too long since I've used the expression "Shitters, Critters!" in a nogoodforme post. Well- Shitters, Critters!!! This blouse is my new BFF. It jibes really perfectly with my Top-Secret Spring Fashion Concept, and paired with the straight-legged jeans seen in the photo above, it rocks the girl/boy fashion-dichotomy I so enjoy rocking like no other. LJ + THIS SHIRT= BROS 4 LYFE.
3. GRANDMA'S MOCCASINS: I guess these moccasins are my new Grandmother? I really appreciate how functional these shoes are as a wintertime flat. I also appreciate that, since they are actually slippers and not shoes, they are as comfortable as slippers (this is something one can generally expect from slippers).
4. AQUA CROCHETED TANK: If I didn't have the fine motor skills of a toddler with poor fine motor skills, I would teach myself how to crochet, and I would crochet my entire life. I want everything in the world to be crocheted. I want crocheted shoesies and crocheted chapeaus and crocheted storage units and a crocheted digital camera and a crocheted iPhone and crocheted Beatles dolls and a life-sized crocheted replica of my physical self. However, it seems I will have to settle for this crazy-sweet lollipop-strawberry-kitten-baby-lovebug of a tank, which I suppose is good enough.
5. JOLIE-LAIDE FLOWERED BUTTON-UP: Sometimes I feel weird internal pressure to buy overly-wacky shit, just because I'm the kind of person who would and/or does, and I know nobody else will. My name is Laura Jane Faulds, and I rescue overly-wacky shit from tragic lives of closetless loneliness. True, this top errs quite a bit towards "Sunburnt Dad on vacation in Hawaii", but unbuttoned real low and thrown a bit off one shoulder, it's kind of sexy, in a goofball un-sexy Laura Jane way.
6. YELLOW-AND-WHITE STRIPED TUNIC TOP: In real life, I probably wouldn't wear this as a mini-mini-mini-dress (as shown in the photo above), since it's so short that it would give the world way too many unwanted peeks at the crotch of my stockings. I am presently unsure as to how this piece can be utilized to its Full Coolness Potential, though I know it'll do just fine paired with the tried, tested & true combo of skinny jeans and ballet flats come beautiful, beautiful springtime.
Tags: crocheted life, cuteness, jolie-laide, Laura Jane Faulds, moccasins, shitters critters, shopping, Thrift Scores, unknown fashion concepts, wacky shit
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Saturday , January 17, 2009
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane, THE LOS ANGELES EDITION: 12.31.08-01.08.09 1. Floral Ceramic Necklace: This is an ideal necklace for when I'm wearing an especially wacky outfit and feel like sporting an accessory, but don't feel like looking like an insane person. 2. Union Jack Muscle Tee: As follows is very obviously the Haute Fourteen-Year-Old Stoner Boy equivalent of the skank-chic Union Jack minidress Geri Halliwell wore to the '97 BRIT Awards, not to mention SO Keith Moon's Girl Twin Sister (-chic) that it makes me want to flush dynamite down my toilet and drink Courvoisier for breakfast. 3. Tribal Bunny Neckpiece: Kat This necklace takes itself so unnecessarily seriously! It looks like it should be worn by the Grand Shaman of Nairobi while he sacrifices seventeen okapis to the God of Time and Agriculture, but then, like, it's bunnies. 4. "LJ AT THE LOVE-IN" Dress: One day, it will be the summertime. The sun will shine, I'll have a killer tan and natural glow about my person, my lips won't be chapped, SAD will be a thing of the past, and I'll be able to smoke while I eat on restaurant patios. One day in June, I will wake up in the morning and bounce down the street wearing this tacky-ass number with sunglasses and ballet flats, sipping on a blended juice drink while listening to "Sunny Afternoon" by the Kinks on headphones. On this day, all will be well in the world. T minus 4 months, Bosses! 5. "CHAIRMAN MAO AT THE LOVE-IN" Tote: This bag makes no sense; I have no concept of what its original context could possibly have been! One side of it is printed with a Maharishi/Kama Sutra-y image of a man and wife surrounded by Ganesh and vegetation and tapestries and shit; the other is executed in a similar style, but showcases portraits of who I can only assume to be Chairman Mao, Karl Marx, and perhaps Benito Mussolini. 6. Hog Babies T-shirt: There was a zero percent chance of me ever passing this tee up! I love the Hog Babies! I also get a kick out of imagining what the red-faced, barbecue-lovin' Arkansas Razorbacks fan who bought this tee for his LA nephew or whatevs would think if he knew it now belonged to a goofy 23-year-old Canadian fashion blogger. I guess he'd probably just be grateful that I'm doing my part in spreading pro-Razorbacks sentiment across the Great White North. 7. Heart-woman Pin: Now who in the world could resist a vaguely-Sapphic tarnished silver brooch that looks as if it were rendered by a four-year-old Henri Matisse? This one's real klassy. 8. Sir Paul McCartney T-shirt: I seriously can't imagine how I lived without this t-shirt. I love it as much as a dog, or maybe even my first-born son. Sorry, First-born Son: You'll never be my Paul McCartney. 9. Camels Mood Necklace: I wear this every day. It is the best piece of jewelry I've ever owned. it goes with everything! The best thing about it is that you can position the camels to reflect your mood that day- OPTION #1: They can face each other, so that they are kissing and maybe even in LOVE! I call this option Camels in Love.
OPTION #2: They can both face the same direction, so that one camel is following the other camel. I call this option Follow Your Brother.
OPTION #3: Option #3 is the same as Option #2, only facing the opposite direction. I call Option #3 Follow Your Brother, Vol. II.
OPTION #4: They can face away from each other, because they hate each other, and can't even bear to look at one another. This option is named Camel vs. Camel.
Tags: camels, Chairman Mao, Geri Halliwell, haute fourteen-year-old stoner boy, hog babies, Keith Moon as spirit animal, LJ TAKES LA, Los Angeles, Paul McCartney, tees please, Thrift Scores, vintage
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Saturday , November 15, 2008
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane, THE SWEATER EDITION: Value Village, 11.15.08 Today I went thrift-shopping for the first time since JULY FREAKING TWENTIETH. I showed up at Value Village on a crazy-rainy evening hoping that I might perhaps, possibly, kinda, hopefully, maybe, maybe-baby, find a sweater or two. The Gods of Thrifting, however, heard my plea, and responded with a booming: "LAURA JANE FAULDS! Where have you been, my sweet beloved? I haven't seen you in MONTHS, and boy-o-boy how I have missed you. A sweater or two? Psssshhh. How 'bout FIVE???" "Okay," I said. Life is swell. 1. JUST CALL ME LAURA JANE YAMAGUCHI: This sweater reminds me of a figure-skating costume- in the best possible way. This picture of it is incredibly misrepresentative, not to mention straight-up bad (of me, I mean). I'm just really lazy (since it's raining out), and can't be bothered to stand around preening for the camera all damn night. You'll have to take my word for it; IRL, I look like a Built by Wendy fit model in this shit. 2. IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO GO NAUTICAL WHEN CHOOSING A WAISTBAND: Anchor-oriented belt= auto-wardrobe staple. Can you believe how rad this thing is? I've been aggressively searching for a belt I can overwear like the Dickens every single day since the UFC ended. One afternoon of thrifting, and he's MINE ALL MINE. Check it out in hi-def: 3. FRED ROGERS MEETS A TODDLER: The one downside of shopping exclusively in the children's section is that all the sleeves are auto-three-quarter-length, so you're constantly asserting to the Universe/blogosphere that you love 3/4-sleeves like crazy, when really you just have longer arms than a six-year-old- it's that simple. But whatevs, brah! It's a yellow-and-blue mini-old-man-cardi! I'd rather wear this sweater than have my wrists be warm. You win some; you lose some. 4. PLAIN (LAURA) JANE CARDI: It's so hard to find things that are simple in this life. Once, when I was sixteen and fabulous, all I wanted in the entire world was a pair of plain black stilettos. This is because I was sixteen and fabulous and my best friend drove me everywhere and I never had to walk, so didn't care about the hellish-heel-hell that is Walking in Stilettos. Dudes- it took me until I was seventeen and fabulous to find 'em! Same deal went for Beatle boots, the perfect black t-shirt, and- a plain cardigan that isn't totally Normie and/or dumpy. Today was my lucky day! Said plain cardigan is mine I am wearing this sweater as I write these very words. BLOGGING HAPPENS IN REAL TIME, BITCHES. 5. KRAZY KRANE KNITTING TOTE: You are probably looking at this photograph of my flora-and-cranes printed knitting bag and thinking "Oh, cool. That's a nice bag." But what your poor naive self is totally oblivious to is that this bag is made out of pony beads. PONY BEADS. PONY BEADS. PONY BEADS. 6. PANDAS ARE THE NEW BLACK: All that shit I talked about "Scrappy is Dead" and not wanting to look like a five-year-old boy anymore was total crap. I had no idea what I was talking about. Honestly, if you think that I could possibly pass up a white, black, and blue stripey button-shouldered knit sweater with a PANDA on it, you don't know me. To make matters worse, I mean, A BILLION TIMES BETTER: the panda has googly eyes. 7. BARCA-LOUNGING IN BALENCIAGA: The other downside of only wearing kids' clothes is that you get stuck with a lot of cropped shit. I only have one pair of high-waisted jeans, and the abundance of belly-tops in my wardrobe necessitates that I overwear this one pair of high-waisted jeans, and then I get so pissed off about how I wear the same pair of high-waisted jeans every day that I end up getting myself into stupid, annoying, rash hare-brained Internet conceptual art pieces like the Ultimate Fashion Challenge. Thankfully, I've finally found a cropped sweater that strikes such an impeccable balance of avant-wack and normal old avant-garde that I can wear it with pretty much anything! Post-UFC Existence is Archie Swell and the Drells. HOORAY! 8. THE COOLEST ONE OF ALL!: When I pressed "post" on this post, I forgot to include the sweater pictured above, which is by far the best sweater. Luckily for me, I posted this post at 9 PM on a Saturday night, when most people are out PARTYYYYYING and not checking their Internets. So, here you have a Very Important Amendment to my Thrift Scores: SWEATER EDITION post. Which is, the cutest lil' sweater I ever did saw. I am now out of the "nogoodforme.com-post writing zone" and in some state more along the lines of "listen to Widow City and get drunk and smoke cigarettes in the garage", so I don't have anything particularly clever to say about The Sixth Sweater of the Sacredly Sweatered Saturday, except: damn, boy. It's a really cute sweater!!!!! xo, LJ.
Tags: belts, blogging happens in real time, Built By Wendy, Normies, pandas, post-UFC existence, scrappiness, scrappy is dead, sixteen and fabulous, sweaters, Thrift Scores, wardrobe staples
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Wednesday , July 23, 2008
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane: Goodwill, 07.20.08
The Gods of Thrifting have been shining especially bright upon me these final weeks of July 2008. And for the record, in case you're struggling to conjure up the proper mental image of how The Gods of Thrifting should look, I'm picturing Daria Morgendorffer (I beg you to click that link), John Waters, Bay Garnett and Troy Dyer, all standing in a row.
This past Sunday, I hit up the St. Clair Avenue Goodwill with the enchanting Sarah of Modern Guilt (who also scored big), where we found out that it was HALF-OFF DAY! Half-off day at Goodwill? HALF-OFF DAY AT GOODWILL? It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? Well, apparently, it was the exact perfect amount of good enough to be true. Because it was true. I swear to the Gods of Thrifting.
1. This is a little girls' pyjama top that looks dangerously like Marc by Marc. However, it is way cooler than anything Marc by Marc, for one because it just is and for two because it isn't, and that's just how these things go, daddy-o. As you can see, this top looks chic(-ish) with jeans, and I think it might work tucked into a high-waisted pencil skirt if I wanted to wear something halfway office-appropriate. But luckily for me, offices do not play a major role in my life, as I don't have a "real job", and never will. So who knows and who cares?
2. My main prerogative in life is to never hold down any job that wouldn't deem my new grey Raffi sweatshirt acceptable workwear. The downside of wearing this sweatshirt is that every single person with whom you cross paths feels obligated to make a joke about how your clothing is functioning as promotional material for the popular children's entertainer Raffi Cavoukian. But, if these people knew anything about anything, they'd know that Raffi is actually an extremely common name in Armenia. It's as if I were wearing a sweatshirt that said, say, "Bill" across the front and everybody assumed I was endorsing, say, Buffalo Bill Cody. That's nonsense. This sweatshirt rules.
I'm just going to assume that the Raffi who wore it before me was a sexy pre-teen with vampiric eyebrows and a strong jaw who listened to Minor Threat and drank a lot of Slush Puppies.
This is the most utterly baffling item of clothing I have encountered in my time on this planet; I am honored to be its (her?) new owner. This jacket speaks for its own damn self. There is simply no way that whatever clever little quips I could come up with to describe my feelings towards this coat would do it proper justice. Both aesthetically and conceptually, It is as iconic and hard-hitting as Jasper Johns' American Flag, or perhaps even the actual American Flag.
Some things you should know about this coat:
1) The puppies embroidered on the front pockets are made out of corduroy.
2) The buttons are diamonds.
3) The tail-like attachment you see hanging down the back of my coat is a stuffed bow-tie attached to a long piece of felt which, as far as I can tell, lacks any discernible function other than forcing the coat's owner to come across as a giant doofus, and most likely hit strangers in the face with whenever she (I) pivot(s).
Also, if you have any ideas as to what animal's fur the print of the trim is attempting to represent, please let me know.
Tags: Buffalo Bill Cody, corduroy puppies, Jasper Johns, Raffi, the weirdest coat in the world, Thrift Scores
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Saturday , July 19, 2008
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane: Value Village, 07.18.08
Few things in this operatic escapade we call life are as straight-up awesome as having a killer thrift-shopping experience. It's impossible to predict precisely when a class-A Thrift Score Day is going to hit you; sometimes, all I want is to immerse myself in rack-scouring for hours on end, yet come up entirely empty-handed. On other occasions, I dip into a Sally Ann or Goodwill to kill a couple minutes and exit hours later, exhausted, red-eyed and reeking of mothballs, weighed down by two giant sacks of crap in either hand.
Thrift Scores with Laura Jane is a brand-spanking new feature dedicated to sharing the results of my positive thrift scoring adventures with the world. Yesterday ended up being one of the "Thrift Scorriest" days of my entire life; check the goods!
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Tags: Albert Einstein, diaper bags, dresses, J.Crew on J.Crack, preppy, punk rock, rompers, scrappiness, sneakers, Snoopy, Thrift Scores
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